Hi all, I've been having some difficulty getting responses to messages I send, and am wondering what's wrong, or if this is normal.

I have a vague understanding that possibly there are many more men using online dating than women, and perhaps they are bombarded with messages -- too many to reply to. If you're a woman, is this your experience? Men, do many of your messages go unanswered?

The alternative is of course unpleasant for me to think about, that I'm just totally failing with many of my attempts. My messages are generally about the length of this post I'm writing now, and I usually spend at least an hour thinking of something relevant to say, as related to the person's profile and shared interests.

So there you have it. Do women get too many messages? Am I failing? Something else?

Stats over three weeks: 19 messages sent, 6 replies.

(This is not a complaint post. I am pleased to receive the responses I got.)

Most people see a profile without detail and figure if you can't be bothered to present the product (your self), why should they bother to respond?
Add detail and maybe you'll have a little better luck.
In the meantime join the forums and get to know people.

Well, more pictures for sure ... one where can see your the white of your teeth when you are smiling. And a picture from the waist up is always nice.

fill in the profile -- OMG yes !! ... a fully filled out profile shows how seriously a person is about meeting someone.

And there might be a gal who likes your picture and nope, there's no words.

Can't say about other gals ... I know for myself that I can get up to 100 emails in one week and then it tapers off -- to about 2 or 3 messages a day.

Between eliminating the spammers, married / attached men pretending to be single, the guys looking for a hook-up -- it is gruelling. I usually only last one or two weeks on a site and have to leave for a while.

I guess a lot of guys use the shotgun approach of sending out generic messages.

I see short profile .... think that a guy doesn't think women are worth the effort and that does not translate well on the intimacy side of a relationship.

Your profile has to touch a woman's heart .... show your human side ... let a gal glimpse your head and heart ....

Imagine it is your gal's birthday ... how would you make it special? How to do treat a gal who is the love of your life?

well let's see you are looking to go straight to married yet you have a totally blank profile.

you do the math

It's probably your maths that is off putting.Joined 23 June,stats over 3 weeks,today is June 28,either you are moving too fast or time flies when you are having fun.

S o many reasons for non responsive women because all women are different. I don't what kind of messages you send or what your profile is like, so I don't know what to say about that. Do you write to women who live close to you, or maybe to those that live hundreds or thousands of miles away? That makes a difference.

ok i gotta ask how have you sent 19 messages in 3 weeks if you only joined 5 days ago???????????????????????

Not having a filled out profile can warrant non-responsiveness. For me, I don't respond to men who don't have a filled out profile. I get too many messages and having a filled out profile helps to weed through some of the communication. It helps me to make a decision if there is potential match. If I see a filled out profile and think there may be a potential match, then I'll respond to a nice message. But I would never expect a man to take an hour or so for the first message. But that is totally up to you. I'm not saying we cherish just "hi" either. Good luck and I am glad you reached out.

Also, if you and the woman are very far away, that may be reason.

Here is the reality.

Good pictures get attention

your profile will have 30 seconds to impress her and grab her attention.

If its blank she will move on, if its too long unless she is attracted to you she will move on

If there are certain trigger words, FWB, Nice guy, hang out, open minded etc, she moves on.

Your message is generic, copied and pasted, sexual, a yawner or creepy she moves on.

Women receive 4x the message men receive, and if the woman depending on the age group is attractive she is getting 10x the messages.

She doesnt have time to read all the messages in full or read messages that are so long and like an interrogation that she is requesting her lawyer to be present just to reply.

Yeah, man, that's a very respectable percentage. Better than I've ever experienced even when I have a photo up and a complete profile. So now you've got me wondering WTH I was doing wrong!

For the one-billionth time; no response IS a response, it means NO THANKS

I appreciate the feedback, thank you. I started using a different dating site about three weeks ago and found mingle2 when looking for a dating forum. I have not messaged anyone here. diserli_gears and Nice_Bratty_Lady basically confirmed what I thought. That's all I was looking for, to know if I'm doing something wrong or not.

That a person bombarded with messages does not have time to respond is reasonable. When I post on Craigslist, related to housing, I often do get more than a hundred replies, and find myself unable to respond to everyone. If this is how it is for women using online dating, that's not an easy position to be in...

Go easy Motown,he has only been here a week and would only have seen "no response IS a response" fifty times.Some things take a while to sink in.Obviously the lack of responses makes the time feel much longer to him by a factor of 3

I agree with you. However, in one instance, someone clicked the "Yes" button for interest, and clicked an "attracted to" button for a photo. I messaged her, mentioning some of the things she talked about in her profile which I really liked. The message was read but never responded to. This particular instance was very confusing to me.

Once again. No response is still an answer

troll

not really, you didn't engage in a conversation with her perhaps, telling her that you like the things she likes is what most guys do.

If a woman likes skiing and its her passion, and you message her and say "hey , I love skiing too, we have that in common",what do you think she is going to say to that? beside whoopee do.

Vs saying , Hey (insert name) I see that you like skiing, is that picture of you skiing taken at( whatever resort) or where was that taken , or have ever skied at( whatever resort)

or the possibility that that person wasnt real either and just a game player, you just never know.

Sometimes I have noticed the same thing...I chuck it up to a spammer or scammer replying to a mass network of a particular gender. If they haven't taken the time to read your profile then they are just fishing. I have had those encounters, especially if the person is 20 years my younger...not a realistic encounter.