Yesterday I ran into a man who I’ve, tactfully, and politely, turned down for a date several times. There reason for my refusal is, but not limited to, feeling his personality rather annoying and often offensive.

He leaned, way too far, into my personal space to whisper in my ear...”One of these days I will persuade you.”



My topic isn’t about this guy. I just told the story so you know where I’m coming from with this question. Persuasion will definitely not be working here!

But there are bound to be many different types of scenarios where persuasion could effect a person’s decision. Which leads to my question.

Have you or would you go out with someone who had to persuaded you to accept a date invitation?

And flip-side, would it be worth it to you to persuade someone whose turned you down before?

I would say no because either I like them enough to go out or I don't. No amount of persuading on their part will change my mind. And I would never try to persuade someone to go out if they turned me down before. That's not in my nature. If someone turned me down I would simply say I understand and let them know that I will always be here if they ever change their mind. That certainly is not persuasion. That is just being a gentleman.

Leaving the ball in their court is more my speed too. It is a gentleman’s move in my book. But I’m so old school, I don’t know how things are done on the dating scene today. Lol!

I am also old school Jan. A really old school. Let the kids of today have their ways and we can keep ours.

I agree! I’m hip with a lot of things, thanks to my kids and grandkids, but dateing again will be on the comfortable terms I had the first time around. No BFFs or Hook-Ups for Granny here. Haha!

I am not looking forward to the day I am called grampy. When that happens, I will fan their behinds with my cane.

I'm with ya both on this one.
At my age I feel I am wise enough to know who I want to be with and who I don't. Plus I realize I can't 'make' anyone love me. Its always their own choice.
There have been a few women that have changed their choice from nay to yay after seeing me being me. It wasn't persuasion that did it, it was realization that I was not what they thought I was. I call it time on target. Plus, its not just women. Most people like me better, the more they get to know me.

Being a grandparent is way better than being a percent. You get to spoil them and then give them back before they get grumpy. Haha!

Good answer. Let any change in decision happen organically. I think trying to urge anything forward, overly encouraging someone to get to know you better, would been taken as pushy or manipulating anyway. Therefore spoiling any chance they might choose to do so in their own time.

Unless she's riding in the back of a Rolls, with a bottle of Dom and a stack of 100's, and looks like a super model, I'm not easily persuaded.

Very well said! I love the...”I can make up my own mind thank you very much.”

Exactly!

But does she have Grey Poupon? One must have their standards!

...Yes?
The question isn't all that clear...they persuaded me to accept a date invitation?...if I didn't go on the date, then I'd kinda be an a-hole. Agreeing to something, and then not doing it.

Have or would I go out with someone who had to persuade me to accept a date invitation?
Maybe.
Are they a friend? Do I have an ongoing relationship with them already like coworker?
Are they persuading me to go against my negative feelings for them?
Do they have to persuade me because I don't want to date them?
Or because I feel I shouldn't date them, maybe due to logistics?

Or trying to persuade me to notice feelings that are neutral or hidden but do exist? Like I see them as a friend, and they're trying to persuade me to see them as something more?

Or are they a stranger? Going out with someone new always requires some persuading. It's generally called "hitting on" or "picking up."


Depends on how/why they turned me down and what are the available alternatives/situation.

I would try to persuade a hottie who turned me down because they said they were too busy with work.
I wouldn't try to persuade a girl who turned me down because she said she wasn't attracted to me.

I would try to persuade a hottie who turned me down because they said they were too busy with work.
I wouldn't try to persuade a girl who turned me down because she said she wasn't attracted to me.

This brings up a tangent consideration.

When turning someone down for a date, Do you lie or are you truthful?
If you are truthful, are you brutally truthful or do you let them down easy?

When I end a relationship or turn down a date I am truthful.
I also take the time to let them down easy.

I will take the time to tell them that even tho they are not the right one for me, they still have great qualities that someone else might favor.
Then I wish them luck.

Good point. Offering an alternative circumstance if the one you presented was what she may have been turning down...and not you personally is not pushy, invasive or creepy like it might seem if she had said she didn’t want to go out with you specifically.

I agree with you here Tom. Only honestly will insure excuses are not construed as “maybe another time”. I think pulling out the old “I’m washing my hair on that night too.” is pretty insulting.

Sorry if it’s not well written. I did not mean to imply breaking a date or pulling a no show. Just persistently asking until you or they give in and go out with you.

You bring a lot of good scenarios to the discussion. Those are all very real life situations that would be valid reasons to persuade or be persuaded into trying to date someone you or they might have misgivings about.

Nice!

Part of my answer was erased somehow before posting it. This is the lost portion of my previous answer. I’m not an expert quoter yet. Haha!

Here's the thing.
I have gone out with some who persuaded me, maybe after
years, but it seems I more admire their steadfastness
than whatever reason I had to say no..make sense?

Rooting for the underdog, probably :-)

I'm three strikes you're out kinda guy. I'll ask three times. If you turn me down or make up some excuse, I move on. After asking the third time, it starts to get obnoxious. Some men are just stupid that way. They think if they keep trying they will finally break you down. When in reality you're really getting sick of them.

I could see doing it if someone was not creepy about it.

The fact that they continue to ask does speak for the sincerity of their motives. Which can be very endearing.

When I was young, the meat counter guy used to make me blush with his joking teases, like, “Are these steaks for me to grill for you on our date this weekend?” I never learned if he was really fishing for a date or just liked to tease his customers. Haha! I was too shy back then to ask.