Being choosy will surely pay off for you Joe.

It's terrible being a Gent

Surely it has its perks. Like not being slapped as often as those who are not.

Especially starting from your example, I see more than one way that "persuade" can be defined.

What I'm thinking of in particular, is that some people may try to get you to see THEM differently; others may try to get you to alter your own standards and requirements or desires or expectations, so that they go from being UNacceptable, to being acceptable.

I might be brought to reassess someone , and come to see them as fulfilling my basic requirements. But especially at my age, I know myself so well, that someone who wants me to CHANGE what I want and what I like, in order to take them on, will find I have no interest whatsoever.

A significant part of that, is from VERY hard and painful lessons learned a long time ago.

I have the standards I do for very good reasons. I learned and built them directly based on self-knowledge, and on hard-learned discoveries about other people. Someone trying to get me to alter them, is NOT acting in my best interests, they are only selfishly acting in their own.

I like your perspective and can relate to an extent. Belief wise, certainly. I am not likely to change my mind about core beliefs I have built a lifetime coming to believe, after years of research and self assisment. I know who I am well enough by now too.

Lifestyle changes and the possible acceptance of new and unfamiliar things I have not come to my own firm, educated beliefs on, I like to think I am fairly open to.

On the subject of someone wanting a chance to make me see THEM in a different light than my first impressions...that one would be a little trickier. It would be hard to determine if they were truly different than my initial assesments or if they were trying to be what they believe I would want them to be in order to make me accept them. I have seen people only discover the latter were true 20 years later during their divorce proceedings.

I have very little experience with this, so I’m thinking about parallel experiences.

The best purpose why something is worth looking into is often not known until one explores and gets to know what they are working with. Trying to cut to the chase for a relationship for need, interest, or speed does not sound like a good idea.

If you are not in a relationship with them, then you have no obligations to them in your decisions. I have to wait on any important decision for a comfortable amount of time alone so that all the voices in my head diminish and I can make a level headed decision.

Also, people change. It would be hard to know how someone is going to change. Getting them to talk about their past life experiences would help to get a broader gauge.

All points worthy!

One thing I have found thru my dating experiences is that people will erect complex personas to influence others. The thing about a persona is that it is basically a fake representation of themselves as a means to an end. So in reality, a lie.

But, considering that my X created a fake persona to land and keep me for 25 years, sometimes the fake persona becomes their reality.
However, when given the chance, they will revert to their true personality eventually. Then the monster gets out and who you thought they were turns out to be not who they actually are.

Life wisdom has taught me to look and see the personas people build.
Part of that wisdom is to acknowledge and value the first impressions.
Part of it is watching when they don't know you are watching. Paying attention to those that are in their lives and how they react to the persona they display for you.

If everything is perfect when they are around you, something is amiss, nobody is always perfect.

If you being you lights my soul
and me being me lights your soul
We have a good chance of working out.

True that no woman wants a bully as a companion

I’ve known several others who after extremely long period, discovered the person they were with was truy another personality they only saw glimpses of over the length of their marriage.

I have a theory that truly wishing they were the person they tried hard to be is the only way they could have maintained the discipline to sustain a false front for such lengths.

I feel bad for them to not have been able to truly become the person they wanted to become.

I would never put up with this guy. My brothers would never put up with me putting up with this guy. Haha!

I love the new angle you’ve brought up. People do change for the worse as well. You’re absolutely right. And it’s the scariest part of trying again with someone new, in my mind.

I agree also, one thing that can never stop in life is change it could either be good or worse, but at any moment if worse try and appreciate it the way it is, there’s a reason for everything

It is sad that baseline personalities are difficult to change and many do not possess the discipline to make the changes.
The worse fact is that some people actually believe the lies they tell.
In their heads, they are one person but in reality, to everyone else, they are another.
They "think" they are a good person but they're not.
I know, I've experienced it first hand.
When you point out their transgressions they desperately try to justify them. Often to the point of constructing elaborate lies.

One of the things I have learned to do is to repeat what they say to me or point out the things they do that conflict with the persona they are displaying. "Why were you rude to that waitress?" "What do you mean you would do anything for me?"
Just the fact that they have to examine the question is an indication that they were unaware they made a critical mistake. Often, their response is a rebuttal or a justification that is over-the-top.

I'm extremely critical of the things people tell me, the things they do.
There is a difference in playing a silly game and perpetuating a ruse. If she is lying to me about herself to get me to consider her, what else is she willing to lie about? Her love for me? Everything is called into question.

In my youth, I was governed by different rules because I had different motivations. I was looking to get laid. I was able to function with less scrutiny of others. I still like sex but my focus is more on companionship and honesty than before. Rose-colored glasses hurt that goal.

If a woman is repeatedly coming on to me or enticing me, my first question is ... Why? I like to hope that she sees something in my personality that she admires.

But of course.

And maybe a nice sandwich on a hero roll.

Well, the occasional slap shows the lady has feelings for you.......

I’m the odd one here. I like to be persuaded. Well, let me explain. I think the better word here is “pursue.” I like pursuit and persistence. It’s not persuasion. If you have to try and persuade, I feel you don’t have enough confidence in who you are or what you have to offer. So I’m with everyone on that. You can’t persuade. Now back to pursuit and persistence. It’s a turn on for me. If I don’t want you persisting or in pursuit, you WILL KNOW IT. It’s also the other way around. I’ve also actually TOLD a man I likes his pursuit and persistence. I don’t play games and to me this isn’t a game. It’s some flirting in the beginning. That’s all.

Don't worry about the fryer, has anyone told you that you resemble Julia Roberts....

It’s been a little while (cough) since I dated, but I do remember the thrill of being pursued. When you are unsure if you trust the man’s intentions, you tend to stand back and bide your time a bit, expecting he will lose interest if he’s just playing with you. It’s a thrill when he doesn’t just move around n to greener pastures.

But the ones you DON’T want to pursue you also think this is their opportunity to prove they are not just fickle flirts too. This is when you run into the awkward moment you have to make your disinterest known. I hate that part.

Why can’t they just read minds.

Wait! Bad idea!

we have trouble reading signs applied with a clue by 4 and you want us to read female minds?

No, but I met a blind man once, who I could swear was thinking it.