I live with my grandparents. I was my grandmother's caretaker for 3 yrs and now that she has passed, I take care of my grandfather and help get the house ready to sell. I didn't look to date because my grandmother came 1st. Even if I did date, my grandparent's are my responsibility, not anyone I date. This is my job. I wouldn't expect someone to be obligated to help me just as I wouldn't for someone else's job

It's about preferences. I want a man with a job, car, house, and money to spend. Egual partner. Nothing wrong with that! And I'm not a really material minded lady! I don't have that on my profile but when we talk on phone I question it all, 100%.

Women want a man who can provide. don't get me wrong not that they can't and don't for themselves.. But they want a man who has the basic ingredience for a decent life. Job, house, car, a stable man, established in what he does. and the funds to enjoy life on occasions.

that's not really much to ask of a man.

Humans are only just humans, add food and water and shelter, and you have a life; add a partner of opposite gender and you may have 'love', and sex and children.

As long as you have food and water and shelter what more do you need, so then what does your potential partner need - food and water and shelter.

Anything more required than that is potentially gold digging.

Someone with an extra potato has a surplus, and if they keep it they are a capitalist hoarder, or a prudent planner. If they share it they are unselfish, or a social engineer. Everything has many ways to look at it from.

Upmarket suburbs, flash cars, jewelery and expensive clothes do not make 'love', compassion, and care for others.

See little kids, they own nothing, and apart from little tiffs they all play the same, not caring what their parents have or don't own; only later do they get attitudes regarding perceived status.

And distance kills relationships more often than not; while the cat's away, etc.
Along with the cost in money and time and dangers of travel.

I don't necessarily want a rich partner in a well to do area, but it probably wouldn't hurt.
A partner owning nothing is equally valid, (unless their stupidity/criminality has lost it all), if there is attraction and love.

I'd have raggety anne over lady muck any day.

I hear you, but in my opinion many woman have done the " raggedy Anne" period of their life. As have many men. They reach a point where they do want stability and yes, maybe some of life's enjoyments in their live. They earned it.. They are not gold diggers in my mind. I'm not taking about a random woman.. I'm talking about " your lady" They paid their dues, as have the men. They want to enjoy the rest of their live. a bit. Not in excesses.. just not worry too much.. anymore

JMO

I personally believe...
I would rather have that person close to me ...
if I really liked them ...
as to do things together when we wanted ...
not have to wait for that person too come from somewhere and
only get to spend a small mount of time with them ...
before they have to leave... that is why I would prefer...
someone local ...

I don't Know about all of this or how it works, what I do know is when I see a profile that is demanding a life of travel and other "expectations" I just click the little X. I own my own home and I'm retired. But if that's what you're interested in then I'm not interested in you (not you specifically, but generality) First thing I'm looking for is a person who's interested in a cup of coffee and some chit chat..We may get along and move on from there, we may have nothing in common BUT that cup of coffee and enjoy many of them for years to come and go no further. I'm interested in a human being to share life, not possessions, or positions.

It matters to me. I am not going to drive hours. Nor would I want some to drive hours for me.
I want to meet someone locally. I am new to my area and do not want to go to bars all the time.

I forgot about starting this thread. This is the first I've even checked it. In some ways, I understand what many of you mean. In other ways, it sounds contradictory. I hear many women say that they don't need a man or anything he has. They have there owned. But then many turn around in the next breath and say they want him to have money, his own home and other things for you to take him seriously.

What does it matter what he has or where he lives? If you have your own and don't need a man, then it seems that none of this other stuff should matter. Date the guy for who he is and what he is. Not too long ago I turned down a woman because I just wasn't attracted to her. She has a really high paying job. She has lots of money. But, I turned her down.

I would be this way with any woman no matter what she does or doesn't have. I would rather be with a woman that's as poor as whale crap. That lives with her mom or dad, or both. And be in love with her. Than be with one that has many things. Lots of money, good job and can do all sorts of things. But not be able to hold my heart. Maybe I'm too old fashion. If I'm attracted to a woman or like her, it's unconditional. Same if I love her. It's unconditional. No matter what she has or doesn't have.

Valid point, Charles

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Conniving, manipulative, user ?

with as many homes and fortunes that have been lost and the many that have found themselves homeless,I suppose one could be more empathetic in their line of thinking as to where a person may wind up through no fault of their own.

With those who have lost their homes to floods that their insurance company didn't cover or the recent mudslides I suppose one could see that being left in a tent wasn't their American dream by choice it's just what is for whatever reason.

But I might have to draw the line if they wanted me to move into their two room dumpster.

I guess there was a time when we could think typically but in light of all that has happened perhaps it would be best to hear that person out ..and then form an opinion..

Ya never know....

I am still living with my parents.. still helping them eh and I don't see any problem with that

But if I marry someone (one day), I want us to be living in a separate house.. not with my parents and not with his parents... (for whatever reason it's hard sometimes when you are living with others other than your husband and your kids.. we experience that.. we always adjust when someone's living here especially in their attitude and in the food though that shouldn't be the case, they should be the one adjusting)

Next is, we girls prefer a partner who can provide the needs of his family. It's not about loving the person for what he has but it's about thinking for the future... I grew up in a poor family (so it's ok if I will live in a small house or if we only have simple food) but when you have kids, you will not think only of yourself.. you will also think of them... I also always say this, I have work and I can help but I don't want a man who is not responsible

Understand.. I am sure that you are a nice man.. you deserve a nice girl...

And yep you are right there should be love.. love the person for who he/she is and not for what he/she has...

In order to find that person, i think it's better if you'll not say the things that you have let them see and love the real you....let them discover what you have (as you get to know each other) and not because you told them


Love means knowing everything about someone and still loving that someone even after knowing everything.. love is accepting even the imperfection of that someone

Look for chemistry.. look for love

those people are not any more a match for you than you are for them.

I think they may have the idea that they want someone on an 'equal' standing to their own situation. So if they do not live with anyone else, they want to have a partner who is in the same boat, or single living arrangement ... lol.

They may want to be able to just visit that person and not their family or kids or friends.

I understand what you are saying. Maybe I'm just really old fashion. I know that certain people have certain things they will not do when it comes to love. But, on the other hand, Why put up so many roadblocks for yourself? I mean, there are lots of good men and women out there that life just hasn't been good too. That doesn't make them any less datable.

As far as what you said about the "kids, friends and family. That can be worked around. I know that back in the day I did it several times. If you really like the person, you will find a way to work around these obstacles.

I can understand your thought of wanting someone on equal standing. But, in my mind, it still boils down to what this person has or doesn't have. This man or woman is being judged on monetary things. Instead of who and what the person is. This is the reason why I sometimes say that most now don't really know what real love is. If the real love is there, there is nothing that can't be worked around between you. I know because I've seen it first hand.



This I understand. Every woman wants a man that's responsible. Especially if he's young enough to be making babies. To read what you have written, you are OK with a simple life. And that's a good thing.

Over here in the USA, many men and women are not OK with that. They want, "stuff". They want the big boat. The big fine house, and any other "stuff" they can buy. They want to live large. And when something happens and they can't live large anymore, they find that they are not really happy with each other.

They divorce and each goes and finds another. There is much to be said for the simple life. If you can live a simple life with each other, you stand a pretty good chance of staying together. Because you are already used to things being a certain amount of tough.

But when you have the really good job. The big boat and the big fine home, be able to make trips to far off places, too many here in the USA, these things matter more. And if for whatever reason it's yanked out from under them, they fall apart. They can't take the "tough" part. Too many want to live too large. And it gets in there way. They are never truly happy.

Distance makes or breaks a relationship and I do feel independence should contribute to make it stronger in a way that confidence in each person is boosted and that people involved feel they grow and thrive imho