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| Topic: Dating a woman with kids | |
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Wed 08/02/17 03:57 PM
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uh huh uh huh..well I could give ya some long drawn out psych persepctive on blended families and how to make them work knowing myself and my temper.. if he said one word about my sons " oh ..excuse me? you wanna gimme some parenting advice..about raising kids you know the ones you see one weekend a month and a week in the summer?? ooooooooooo that is rich here why don't ya give me your ex wife's number. I will give her a call and ask her about this issue" I get your personal point of view, but would like to say that the fact that a man doesn't have his kids as much as a woman is often what a woman prefers. Most mothers wouldn't want to live without their offspring, you cannot hold that against a man. I would've fought my ex-husband in court if he'd wanted to take full custody of our kids (he didn't fight me on the matter). I can then not hold it against him that he only got them every other weekend and a few weeks a year. That was especially MY choice, and I think this happens an awful lot. Also the fact he hasn't got them as much as his ex / the mother doesn't mean he's crap at raising kids. He might be better at it even for many reasons. He might be more of a natural, he might be more rested and have more emotional space to deal with upheaval, because he's not so close to the fire he might have a better grasp of the situation and so on. Again, I get your reaction, but I don't think it's very fair. |
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When i first started out in online dating and saw a woman having answered yes to the question of do you have kids it was an instant skip page for me. What ran through my mind was:
Will her kids like me and will that affect whether or not she continues in a relationship with me? Is the baby's father still in the picture and is he the jealous type? How soon would i have to enter the family? And a host of other expectations that i was not aware of. But it made me feel biased. An ******* if you will. Like i was doing it in real life to these women. "Kids? Pass! There is just so much to having a relationship wth a woman w/kids that i don't know which frightens me away i suppose. For me it doesn't matter if i have kids or not the pros and cons are down the middle so the thought of entering a relationship with a kid already there is appealing to me however. |
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uh huh uh huh..well I could give ya some long drawn out psych persepctive on blended families and how to make them work knowing myself and my temper.. if he said one word about my sons " oh ..excuse me? you wanna gimme some parenting advice..about raising kids you know the ones you see one weekend a month and a week in the summer?? ooooooooooo that is rich here why don't ya give me your ex wife's number. I will give her a call and ask her about this issue" I get your personal point of view, but would like to say that the fact that a man doesn't have his kids as much as a woman is often what a woman prefers. Most mothers wouldn't want to live without their offspring, you cannot hold that against a man. I would've fought my ex-husband in court if he'd wanted to take full custody of our kids (he didn't fight me on the matter). I can then not hold it against him that he only got them every other weekend and a few weeks a year. That was especially MY choice, and I think this happens an awful lot. Also the fact he hasn't got them as much as his ex / the mother doesn't mean he's crap at raising kids. He might be better at it even for many reasons. He might be more of a natural, he might be more rested and have more emotional space to deal with upheaval, because he's not so close to the fire he might have a better grasp of the situation and so on. Again, I get your reaction, but I don't think it's very fair. gut response based on raw emotion..and one helluva temper 
it is what it is..I am aware of it and as such I do not put myself into these kind of situations |
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Edited by
Mike6615
on
Wed 08/02/17 05:58 PM
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mmmmmmmmm well speaking as a mother with uh kids let me just say this I dare the muthaf'er who thinks he has some kind of right to tell me how to raise my kids there is only one man on this planet that has a say in how his kids are raised...and that ain't some dipsh*t I might date of course, I am not dating by choice the reason being I choose not to bring this kind of BS and chaos into my son's life when he graduates and goes off to college I may consider it depending on the man What's he majoring in? |
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mmmmmmmmm well speaking as a mother with uh kids let me just say this I dare the muthaf'er who thinks he has some kind of right to tell me how to raise my kids there is only one man on this planet that has a say in how his kids are raised...and that ain't some dipsh*t I might date of course, I am not dating by choice the reason being I choose not to bring this kind of BS and chaos into my son's life when he graduates and goes off to college I may consider it depending on the man What's he majoring in? |
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If anyone has dated a woman with kids can you share with me some of you experiences with the difference between dating a woman with kids vs a woman w/o kids? Pro? Cons?
My experience has taught me to not do it. You ever dated a diva? A queen? A woman with GPS? Single moms that date are pretty much the same, but generally worse, IME. They are no longer "women." They are "mothers." At best you are not dating a woman, you are dating someone's mom. The kid will always come first, or she will always come first because she has a kid and what's best for her is best for her kid. You are her accessory, your sole purpose is to support her supporting her kid(s). Emotionally, mentally, socially, sometimes financially, whatever. (and god help you if you do start providing financially in any way, the relationship ends, now she can sue you for child support) At worst you are dating a mother who wants to pretend like she wants to be seen as a woman or as "herself" This is like the stories about kings that used to dress as commoners and go out among the peasants to learn what "real life" in their kingdom was like. Only they had so many inherent biases that it made the endeavor pointless. They were simply delusional about how they came across and how other people should see them. IME when you date a single mother you are either: 1. offering yourself up as a convenient accessory to her ego. 2. auditioning for a role in her family. 3. both 1&2 depending on what she needs at the moment, it can change at anytime without any notice, it was never clear what it was before, and if you don't immediately recognize what she needs, then it's all your fault. For me it doesn't matter if i have kids or not the pros and cons are down the middle so the thought of entering a relationship with a kid already there is appealing to me however.
Jesus. To me this is like saying "I've always wanted a puppy, but I don't really want the responsibility. I'm going to date a woman with a puppy to get real world experience on whether or not I really want a puppy." |
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For me it doesn't matter if i have kids or not the pros and cons are down the middle so the thought of entering a relationship with a kid already there is appealing to me however.
Jesus. To me this is like saying "I've always wanted a puppy, but I don't really want the responsibility. I'm going to date a woman with a puppy to get real world experience on whether or not I really want a puppy." Maybe this will make more sense. I like kids not a fan of babies.the appeal of dating a woman with kids is that I could get a kid without the baby part. Changing diapers, waking up in old hours of the night, doesn't sound good at all |
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For me it doesn't matter if i have kids or not the pros and cons are down the middle so the thought of entering a relationship with a kid already there is appealing to me however.
Jesus. To me this is like saying "I've always wanted a puppy, but I don't really want the responsibility. I'm going to date a woman with a puppy to get real world experience on whether or not I really want a puppy." Maybe this will make more sense. I like kids not a fan of babies.the appeal of dating a woman with kids is that I could get a kid without the baby part. Changing diapers, waking up in old hours of the night, doesn't sound good at all |
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Edited by
Mike6615
on
Thu 08/03/17 07:51 AM
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mmmmmmmmm well speaking as a mother with uh kids let me just say this I dare the muthaf'er who thinks he has some kind of right to tell me how to raise my kids there is only one man on this planet that has a say in how his kids are raised...and that ain't some dipsh*t I might date of course, I am not dating by choice the reason being I choose not to bring this kind of BS and chaos into my son's life when he graduates and goes off to college I may consider it depending on the man What's he majoring in? Sorry--meant your son. I see he's still in high school. It's so hard to pick a college major that there will be jobs for when students graduate, not to mention any student debt (like having a mortgage payment to start out with). |
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What i learnd in the past Years is that i as a Singlefather of a Teengirl can't have a Date. As soon the Woman hears i have a Child living with me they say "Hasta la vista". no difference they have own Children or not. i heard even once one Woman saying that if i give my Daughter to my Ex we could talk about a relationship. Stupid!
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I am a woman with no children, so I can't really get involved in this conversation, but I'll say that I'm not dating men with young children.
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When i first started out in online dating and saw a woman having answered yes to the question of do you have kids it was an instant skip page for me. What ran through my mind was: Will her kids like me and will that affect whether or not she continues in a relationship with me? Is the baby's father still in the picture and is he the jealous type? How soon would i have to enter the family? And a host of other expectations that i was not aware of. But it made me feel biased. An ******* if you will. Like i was doing it in real life to these women. "Kids? Pass! There is just so much to having a relationship wth a woman w/kids that i don't know which frightens me away i suppose. For me it doesn't matter if i have kids or not the pros and cons are down the middle so the thought of entering a relationship with a kid already there is appealing to me however. You clearly (to me, a 64 yr old) have a long way to go in your own reveries about yourself in all this. You are still thinking of children in a fairly simple way, as a set of entertainments and duties, more than as people. But what my previous post was really more about, was to point out that when it comes to anyone hoping to get together with anyone else, that ANYTHING about them are real things, which you will have to accept as part of the package. You can't date someone as though they were an old joke-style Chinese restaurant, where you pick one from column A, and one from column B, and leave aside the rest of the menu. Thus, dating someone in a wheel chair, for example, isn't a matter of you proving that you aren't prejudiced against people in wheel chairs, to some imaginary Cultural Judge. And taking on a woman who already has children, in the same way, isn't like a task for you to master, or a personal development for you to engage in for yourself. The other person or people involved are always your equals, especially in their right to have whatever happens, to be real. As in, that they are going to interact with you for their lives, as well as for yours. Most of all, you need to accept that there will be a lot more complexity involved with dealing with two or three people. Much more than with just one. |
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Be prepared for the fact that you are entering a relationship where you will always be number 2, whilst at the same time will be expected to co-parent (to some degree). You also will in most cases, the ex will never not be part of the scene.
If you're not ready for that, then I would say have a serious think before you go ahead, and personally if you have doubts, I wouldn't recommend it. |
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*In most cases, the ex will never ...
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If the children are under 12 its best not to have any contact with them till a solid relationship is formed so that the kids don't have a revolving door of men who only end up passing through and not forming a healthy attachment. Children do not need to have part time father figures as this creates instability and uncertainty. Its bad enough the biological father is not doing his job in being there, providing intellectual, emotional, physical, spiritual, financial and modeling appropriate adult behaviors for the child as a partner and friend to the mother |
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