People develop emotions at different rates and for different reasons,,,

I have not dated in 10 years, and I am accustomed to being open with my feelings,, but I wonder at what pace people are comfortable with hearing about feelings?

would it freak you out to find out someone was really into you after only one week, one month? would it freak you out if someone had not expressed any serious feelings after one month? three months?

what type of time needs to pass for you to expect emotions to become deeper?

and they also communicate and express them differently too.

e.g.:

People that have experience dating have probably come across others that believe they are open with their feelings, but tend to hide their real ones, confessing to false ones, ones they wish they had, or ones they think they should have.

Meanwhile the person that was open with their feelings believes those feelings were real at the time they confessed or spoke or expressed some behavior meant to convey the validity of them.
i.e. say one thing, do another. do something, say it was for one reason, figure out it's for another.

I think most people have experience open feeling people can't be taken at simple shallow face value any more than stoic seeming people can be assumed to not feel anything.

So:

I'm going to assume you are referring to people I'm dating, as opposed to my neighbors 14 year old, or some random stranger I have absolutely no interest in.

If so, then maybe. Depends on what else they've communicated.
Depends on what type of person they are, according to the rest of my experience with their behavior.
Depends on if they're telling me they are really into me, or I'm having some sort of epiphany regarding the level of how into me they are based on how they're behaving towards me.


Maybe. Is it accompanied with behavior like they're calling less? Always busy? Telling me "no" when I try to set up a date more often than "yes?"

What type of person are they? Are they an "independent career woman in a mans world" so have been learning to keep their emotions to themselves?
Are they a teacher? Surrounded by kindergartners all day, and always expressing every emotion, constantly, and how proud and happy they are, just not with me?

Are they more passive aggressive? Where they don't express deep feelings, but they call me more and more, figuring out ways to spend more time together, do things for me that they know have meaning to me? But refuse to ever admit or take responsibility for their feelings directly?

How did we meet? How do we mostly interact? What have we talked about regarding relationships, or what we know/think/want?


I'm not really paying attention to time so much as what's being expressed, communicated.
People are never static and never really quiet. They are always expressing their emotions and feelings somehow. You just might not clearly understand how they're doing it, overlooking some things, while interpreting other things with bias.
I'm not the type to sit there not trying to figure out why they bite their nails, nor the type to ask them to hand me the answers, and then simply taking hand it to me answers for granted.

10 years!!!!

I know , right?!

10 years..wow!!!...that is a long time...........

I'm quite open with my feelings but it does depend on the click with the other. One person you're more comfy with than another, often this is also to do with the other not being open. You pick up that energy, that they're keeping a distance that way.
With others it goes by itself, like for him and me. We had that on the first date. Both discussing private feelings as having deep feelings for one another.

That's wrong, so very wrong. It's a shame

If you are asking time as type, you need to listen to your feelings, really pay attention to them.

Now, if you are asking time as a measurement, as long as you need.

Either way, trust your feelings.

Now, the cake topper, what happen to you, ten years!, You do not need to answer.

Since I learn to pay attention to my feelings, I step as my feelings lead me. My faith also.

HAA

its in the profile, basically burned pretty bad twice and not wanting to invest the emotion, energy and time on the potential for a third time

and making my life about being a mother to a beautiful daughter that I did not want exposed to strangers who may captuer her heart only to disappear later,,,

I can relate to that

Well when I feel comfortable giving her my wifi password is when I feel the time is right for deeper feelings.

NEVER give up the password,,,,

You will know when is time again, just be careful and take your time, if needed, find help to learn your feelings, I did that, help me a lot. It hurt going through the step, but much better now.

where do you get 'help to learn your feelings"?

I was lucky to get private help, not cheap, but the best one I was able to afford, now there are free groups, you need to research them in your area for the times. The ones that talk about mind and spirit health. Not the AA 12steps one, those might help, but, depends on you. Hope it help.

That's why it is a rarity.

Yet another brilliant idea from you for us to discuss.

The speed of emotional trust, AND the time it takes us to be confident that we DO feel as we think/wish/hope we do.

I've been through just barely enough (by age 63, I should be!) to be entirely at ease, hearing about how someone else thinks they feel. And, I am entirely sanguine about expressing my own sensibilities. But that's not the whole story for this.

In order to have any sense that I can trust the other person to be right about how they feel, I have to get to know them fairly well. I don't actually know how long that takes, especially since it's mostly dependent on the other person's self knowledge and honesty.

I have had bad experiences with instant "love," as I know many have, so I am wary of it. Lots of people I've read of in places like this, proclaim that they "know" within a date or two, and sometimes even more rapidly, whether the other person has a shot at intriguing them or not, and with people THAT decisive, I am even more wary.

Emotions can be very tricky, even for us who are experienced with them in many extremes. I can be all wisdom oriented and careful, but I'm just as hungry as the worst romantics can be at the same time, for genuine connections. That hunger can make things confusing. Males especially, are famous (in my observations at least) for mistaking THEIR lust, for THE WOMAN'S compatibility.

One REAL tricky thing about this: I am convinced that the more certain you are that you KNOW how long things emotional should take...the more likely it is that you don't know what you are talking about.

perhaps there is no real answer except play by ear

there is the fear of developing a feeling FIRST and scaring off the other by sharing that feeling,,,,,

but perhaps love requires a complete vulnerability to take that risk and face that fear

"We all seek someone who demons play well with our own".