Why are men so eager to get in a girls pants instead of getting to know her? And why do men expect a girl to pay for herself on a first date if they don't like her?

Generalize much?

If I ask a woman out:
* I am paying for everything that evening.
* I set out to get to know a woman before I try to "get in her pants"
* If I "get in her pants," rest assured I consider that something of an honor that she would open herself up to me on such an emotional, physical, and psychological level - I am in no rush to have sex.

Maybe that is just me, but sex is fantastic, enjoyable, and I will engage in that activity over just about any other, but I insist on knowing the person, and having a solid relationship, before that happens

If the guy is serious, he would not do that.

On first meet with a guy you met on a dating site, always meet in a public place like the mall or a coffee shop so if there is no chemistry, it's only coffee. But if you meet in a restaurant on first meet, always offer to go Dutch treat.

Welcome to Mingle2, singjlb

Be more careful who you agree to meet.
And if a guy doesn't pay for a few drinks, don't date him again. If he expects you to pay for yourself, tell him you will, but that it doesn't make you feel good.
Think of why it doesn't make you feel good in case he asks. Be honest, don't come up with crap.
And learn to distinguish a-holes from quality men before you agree to a date.

I never had to pay for myself, I offered all right, but they never wanted me to. I never did dinners, just a few drinks.
Nor have I had guys being disrespectful.
But I was very fussy about who I dated. If before meeting a guy couldn't hold a conversation without coming up with lots of sexual innuendo, I wouldn't meet him. I wanted to see some depth, not superficial stuff.
I was looking for a quality guy, not some player a-hole. And I found a quality guy too :)

Men don't do all of everything, any more than women do all of everything

Men aren't that bad.

Most of them are trainable

I'm stayin out of this.

You have been trained well

Ohh.. that's what I'm doing wrong..
Hmmm.. I don't try to get into there pants... and I always pick up the bill even if I don't like them...
Hmmmm... time to come up with a new game plan..lol

.... always making the guy pay..
Lol..winkm

If getting to know a girl is so important to girls, why do girls demand guys work to get to know them, rather than show up with a signed autobiography filled with nothing but exactly what she wants the guy to know and exactly how she wants him to express that knowledge?

If it's not really about the knowledge of her that she seeks him to have, then it's not really about "getting to know her" so much as "express validation for her individual personality among the group of alternatives," worth risking the consequences of bonding and emotional entanglement and relationships.

If she's ultimately just looking for a guy to validate her personality, to prove she's special, to prove she's worth the effort of getting to know, to prove her choice of the better guy is the right choice, why is she surprised or angry that the guy is asking for that as well when he wants her to choose him to sleep with? Thereby proving he's 'better' than the alternatives, worth sleeping with, worth risking the consequences of sex, and natural chemical bonding with?

IMO ultimately all you are really asking here is "why don't guys focus on me getting my nut before theirs?"

Men try to get into your pants so eagerly for the same reason you are so eager for them to jump through the "get to know" hoops.

"Getting to know" leads to short to medium term mental and emotional pleasure.
"Getting into your pants" leads to short term mental and emotional and physical pleasure.


Why don't women expect to pay for themselves on a first date if she doesn't like him?
Why don't women expect to pay for the guy on a first date even if they do like him?

Yup. Great way to find out if he has the masculine 'provide & protect' or not. Apart from that, I don't want some cheapskate either. I don't expect diamonds, I do expect a guy to make an effort for me.

But like I said, I never ran up a bill. No need for that. I didn't do dinners, just a few coffees.
Except for with him. Time went by so fast on our first date that we totally forgot time, and all of a sudden it was dinner time. And he took me out to dinner On our first date. My first dinner date, on our first date at that. And yes, he paid. I did offer, he declined. Of course he did. He's a man

You are NOT a victim!
Men as a gender are NOT inherently bad.

...yhea!!.. I have not had a woman pay for a drink or dinner yet in all the years of dating...
I don't really think it makes a man a man to stick his hand in his wallet...
It just makes him generous....lol.. working hard coming home after work..
Taking care of things that need to be fixed or taken care of around the house.. being a good example and real role model... being strong and.. sympathetic.. tender and caring..
That's What Makes a Man...
Not his willingness to pick up the dinner bill..omg...lol

Ummmmmm. Women have a better credit rating?

if he asks you out? then he should pay
if you both agree to meet up? then that is different
and you might offer to pay for yours
let me ask you this...how would you feel if he did not
at least show his interest in you and try to kiss you?

And guys trying to get in a girls pants is a new thing?.. what do you think the other 14 guys were doing after the last supper ( except JC.. he seen what was going down and split).

Its been going on since day one.

The one who invites for a date, should pay. Except someone insist of paying the bill. Being nice to his/her date.

I want to take these in pieces.

Why are men so eager to get in a girls pants instead of getting to know her?

There's a lot more going on in that question than you realize, OP.

a) almost all attraction between humans that leads to "dating," starts with sexual attraction. That's fundamental. If you are not looking for sex, you aren't looking to date, you are looking for something else. Activity partner, perhaps. So if you are going on dates at all, it's likely to be because the guy wants to "get in your pants" on SOME level. Frankly, I've not run into a woman who didn't get more annoyed at asexual guys, than they did at over-sexual ones.

b) having sex with a woman IS a way to get to know her. In fact, in ancient times, as in the Old Testament, the word "know" meant "had sex with." Not trying to excuse what you're complaining about, I'm encouraging you to improve your complaint.

c) if you really do mean that you are dealing with a lot of guys who LITERALLY want to have sex with you and DON'T want to know you at all, then you are dealing with some extreme cases. Maybe prostitute addicts, if there is such a thing.

Now this part:

why do men expect a girl to pay for herself on a first date if they don't like her?

This is dicier than you realize, and includes a lot of social 'baggage.' Mainly, everyone over the age of 21 is legally equal in this country. Everyone is responsible to pay their own way as an adult. The only reason why some women expect the male to pay for everything on early dates, is old customs.

You can stay on that road if you like, but that old way of doing things also includes a lot of the exact stuff you are griping about here. You are insisting on you being a thing to be purchased, rather than an equal player. You are establishing that the GUY makes all the decisions at the start.

When people go the old fashioned route like this, they activate various other complications, that are inherent to the whole setup. Such as that what YOU choose to eat, on his dime, requires a lot of calculation and guessing on your part, over what he's going to think or believe about you, based on how much you make him spend. You can't just eat whatever you're hungry for. Plus, you open the door to the one paying, finding themselves calculating what you "owe" them in return, based on how much you cost them. Since sexual attraction is the reason why you are on this date, making him pay, serves to INCREASE the likelihood that he will want to get to the sex part sooner.

Just or unjust, all that IS going to play a part in your dates. But if you pay your own way, NONE OF IT DOES. It wont make the pure horn-dogs change their behavior, but at least there will be no excuses for them to throw at you about it.

Really big, outstanding contradiction in your whole post:

at the same time as you are bemoaning the fact that the guy doesn't want to get to know you before going for sex, you ALSO ask rhetorically why he doesn't pay for the date, since he is supposed to "like you" already.

You need to think that through better. If he knows you well enough to know if he LIKES you or not, why wait for pursuit of sex? And if he DOESN'T know you well enough for that, how can he know that he wants to spend a bunch of money paying to watch you eat? You can't have it both ways.

Now. In the ideal real dating world, it does all come down to things like timing and presentation. Yes, the woman usually does want the guy to be horny for her, but she doesn't want that to be ALL he wants, so she wants him to show a sense of decorum and respect, by how he behaves with her as the two mutually work out what they want to do. Same with the male, again in the ideal.

All in all, it's up to you to make all your own choices. But you have to accept the natural consequences, and "add-ons" that go with those choices, as well.

Ummm What does that have to do with it? Nobody makes me pay for something I didn't buy. A date is not a used car lot where you get three days to return a lemon and get your money back. A good reason to use a little restraint and know how you feel about them before you start throwing down big bucks for a budding social life with anyone.

Also and excellent reason not to go great distances to meet anyone if it is not just a sidebar to some other purpose.