Ok, so as a senior in high school I started dating this girl in september, 9 months later in June I dumped her weeks before I left half way across the country to go to the Air Force Academy, within like 2 weeks she was dating a new boy and I didn't care. After Basic Training I started talking to her again, but I would just get mad at her and then I went off on one of her friends and said she was a complete waste of time to date...

Now after 2 months of not talking to her and TONS of thinking, I realized, I don't think it was one of those "In retrospect, that was a poor choice?" kind of deals. So sunday night I called her and we talked for 75 minutes, and then on monday talked for an hour on aim. I didn't talk to her today because I'm trying not to come back on to strong and just want it to seem like i'm being her friend. But she is 5 months strong with her BF and I absolutely hate it, I want nothing more than them to break up and I want to date her again. I know this is all my fault, I never should have left her, but I want her back and every minute of every day she's all I think about. I can't focus on homework, class, even my running is slightly off and running is the only thing that is like 100% consistent in my life...

I'm going home in 6 weeks to visit for Christmas and i'm going to end up seeing her. And I'm hoping that i'll be so overwhelming with how much i've changed she'll want me back. But that's such a long shot. I mean I have changed a ton, i've put on tons of muscle, i'm so much sweeter, much more innocent minded...etc...

What to do?

Thanks for those who take the time to help me out, I may just sound like a stupid kid with a stupid problem, but it's killing me piece by piece, I just want to be at rest in my thoughts again....

- Brandon

I don't know what to tell you. But I do know that the fact that she has been spending her time talking to you says that, at the very least, she considers you a friend. You might have a chance, and then you may be stuck in the friend zone. Does she talk to you about her new bf?

She drops his name when we are talking. But that's about it, like if we are talking about track, she'll just go yea Kyle is doing the pole vault...but I don't know what i'm going to do this year...etc. she doesn't just talk about their relationship with me.

Oi crybaby, ditch this one and go find you a better girl. This one is taken and its obvious she is not interested in you. Don't be a dingbat....she is taken!

...

I can't really say much to that. But I know he isn't right for her. And I know it won't last. Just a game of waiting...Don't be so mean about her/it/me...= [

You don't wait for someone else's leftover....if this woman don't come to you naturally, it tells ya alot. You don't want to be the loser material that waits around, its not cool. She will walk all over you and before you kno it you will be back to tell us just that. Better to be smart and just cut loose

I feel so arguementative about this because of how much I know about her. She'd never run over me, i'm not that type of guy, even when desperate.

I'm in the military, i've been taught better than that.

der.....she is already doing that to you...

You broke her heart before...and even if she does take you back she will most likely do it in order to back at you in some way at least i know I would. I could be wrong she has forgiven you, yet she has moved on to the next guy. Most of the time women don't give you a second chance to hurt us.

I could say all sorts of stuff here but it's late and I don't really want to make you cry haha. But with that said, why not just leave her alone now and move on?

So you think about her all the time, wippeeeee! You messed up, she has a new boyfriend. Why not just learn from your mistakes and make another girl happy instead?

I doubt she will take you back by the way. But what do I know lol.

Oh boy

You are not 18 yet, and shouldn't be on this site.

I'll be positive and not pretend like your relationship with this girl is meaningless.. because we all know that every relationship is different and no one knows more about it then the people who are in the relationship...

Been there done that .. first off. Relationships suck b/c you can't control how other people feel or what they do, you can only control yourself. (this is not very reliable and people will end up doing what they want in the end no matter how much you love them or how perfect you guys are for each other)

b/c we don't know this girl my best advise would be to build the trust between the two of you, spent time with other girls and if you still feel the same way about her months from now.. then that is when you need to tell her how you feel.

Everyone who has ever loved someone knows that there is no simple answer to your question and they also know that it is a horrible idea to just move on.. you don't want to move on.. that is why you wrote this topic.

You are young, you have all the time in the world, you will change and until you know who you are through life experiences- chances are you wont know what you'll want.

goood luck-

aight man. i got ya covered cuz i been there. i really have. my wife and i dated on and off for 11 years before marriage. ive had to deal with her boyfriends and girlfriends (shes bi) while we were broke up. its hard as hell. hurts bad. i tried dating others and it was all short lived. i knew who i wanted to be with and how i had made so many mistakes to end up losing her. what i did is i proved i was the stronger man and accepted things as they were and i stood by her as a friend. they F***** up and i was right there for her. when she needed me i was there. she realised that through all the things i had done before and later all the hell she put me through i would always be by her side. in the end i got the girl of my dreams.

my advice to you. she needs a friend. your young and made your mistakes. if you truly love her stand by her side and show that you will always care no matter what. thats all i can say man. good luck.

Misterapathy, that's the type of thing I was looking to hear. Not just "giveups" and it's over move on's.

And for the girl who called me out on my age. I'm terribly sorry if it offends you that i'm 17. I turn 18 in 2 months and 12 says. If my age makes you feel uncomfortable you don't have to speak with me. My age does not resemble my maturity. I skipped a grade, and now i'm in college at the Air Force Academy. I'm a "wee" bit more mature than your average 17 year old if you will...

Anyways, feel free to keep responding. I just sent her an email just talking about music and asking her how she was doing, hopefully she'll be as smiley as she was last time we talked...

- Brandon

I'd like to make a slightly different point than has been, but I would like to say first that this suggested course really depends on how ballsy you're feeling (and I figure USAF training probably provides a few more than the standard pair most guys get).

I'm a firm believer in logic. I made a similar mistake in my HS and post-HS experience. I went years trying to be the lady's friend and never having things work. After 10 years I finally got everything off my chest and we got back together - disasterously so, because time and distance had made too many changes.

What I would urge you to do is not make my mistake. Lay your cards on the table. Tell her how you feel, what you want, and that you believe your earlier decision was a mistake. Honesty is your only weapon in this.

The important part is that you need to say everything. Jen and I spent so much time trying to forgive eachother and not saying the things wee needed to - or saying them unclearly - and it led to blowing the second chance. If there's anything I regret more than screwing up the first time, it's screwing up the second one.

And this solution is not without risk. You may lose even her friendship. But it's better than leaving it all unspoken in the long run, believe me.

Whether my advice helps or not, good luck in your endevor.

I really like the have a pair of balls approach, but what do I do about her boyfriend. They have been together for like 5 months and they seem fine, I mean I don't know, I live in colorado now, but from what I here we were a better couple?

i hate to say it.. but as for your ex and her now 5 month long boyfriend..do not come between them.. what happens is up to her but if they are happy together.. and you do anything to mess it up.. you will only push her out of your life forever more than likely .. its best just to keep it as friends unless she leaves her boyfriend.. do not talk relationship or about your past together with her.. it will only make it worse.. let her come to you if she wants to.. not telling you to give up.. but dont try for it either.. at least not while she is still with someone else

I'm not suggesting that you "come between them". But as an older person looking back on it all. The only things in life we regret are the things we don't say, or don't do.

Let me ask it a different way. Do you want to be her frind, or do you want her? Which risk is greater? Saying what you need to say and trusting her to respect that - whatever her decision is - or not saying it and DEFENITELY losing any chance for the outcome you want?

And I don't deny FallinAngel82's assertion - the most likely thing to happen right now is that she will either scorn what you say, or shrug it off, or whatnot. Speaking as a tactician, you're not playing for this battle - you're playing for the endgame. Put the seed in now. The worst that happens is she says no and doesn't talk to you for a while - unless she really doesn't care about you, in which case you're no worse off for making the attempt.

People have this odd idea of proprietary rights when it comes to dating. That you shouldn't step up and say your piece because it might influence the other person. But how often is that other person secretly waiting for the dimwit who's being noble to say something? More often than you think.

People convince themselves that the choices they give up are better than the choices they make. How much better it is for the other person - irrespective of the potential for mutual happiness. But it's all reason and horseturds - a justification for a simple failure to act.

Speaking as a man older than you who already made the mistake, speak up, son. Don't take my "noble" road. Don't let her be a regret. Let it be dealt with, one way or the other.

Okay, I see you are looking for reinforcement to stick it out and cause havoc for her new relationship. I will tell you, you are setting yourself up for failure on this one. If she has residual feelings for you and continues to talk to you because of them, they are just that, residual. You had your chance and she has moved on. So to sit and say you feel you are better for her sounds like you will cockhold that dude she is with first chance you get. Karma will bite you in the a$$ for that in the end. Best to leave well enough alone. JMO