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| Topic: Why women think hiding stuff is good for relationship | |
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Jimmy roy I wish you luck in life. I used to be like you, judging all people by the experience that hurt me. generalizations like 'why do all....' show that you're still giving that thing power over your life. I hope you find the more positive in life and focus less on the negative. why do people, men or women, hide things? well, it depends on the context. some people omit things from the past because they have moved on in life. some people don't want to burden orhers with their problems. some people think the world doesn't care. or it could be a matter of different perception. something you think is a big deal might not be so significant to another. they may not mention it because to them it was minor in the perspective of the bigger picture wish you the best thank you..I am trying to find the positive here |
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How do you know she's hiding something? Did she tell you? Did you snoop? Well I went to her house to surprise her and this guy opens the door. I got shocked but then I realised that he is her ex so I asked him what he was doing there. He said "didn't Jenny tell you". He broke so he is temporary staying at Jenny's house. |
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Knock knock....SURPRISE!!...
  
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Why women think hiding stuff is good for relationship?   
What makes you think women hide things because they think it's good for their relationship? In my experience when someone hides something it's generally not because it's good and women are expert at hiding and conniving and it's usually not for their partner's well-being. If you feel she's hiding things from you then you have to boot her out your life, preferably before marriage and before she's pregnant. thumbs up sporto 
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There are things women need to keep in secret.
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mind blowing..
 so many horror stories and residual issues..
I'm an open book.. if ya wanna know something? just ask! that's IF I haven't told ya already! my ex was a jerk.. plain and simple.. he was a rage-o-holic with a side order of control freak, and a dash of BS! Once I shed that baggage, I moved forward, only looking back long enough to see if there was/are similar patterns in the new guys I met/meet.. obviously, I'm not interested in repeating the same mistake! but not everyone is HIM.. just as not every man/woman is bat-azzed crazy and hell bent on lying, cheating, destroying (or controlling) other peoples lives... I treat each individual as just that, individuals.. and allow actions to speak louder than words! all that to say not ALL women/men keep secrets.. I don't!! and each new person should be met with an open mind and no prejudgment! |
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Okay lets take it a notch down.
She didn't cheat or lied but just didn't tell me a fact which obviously effects our relationship. I can understand that she pity the guy but still she should have told me and I would have helped him too. When I asked her, her reply was "He wanted my help and don't you trust me" and that is the reason I am mad on her. |
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justifiably so.. however in essence, she kind of lied by omission!
personally I would have discussed it with my partner FIRST.. so there's no surprises, hurt feelings OR misinterpretations.. unless of course it was an 'emergency'.. ie: required immediate action OR was the middle of the night.. I would have talked to my partner at the earliest opportunity though! SHE however, should have trusted YOU enough with full disclosure! Trust is a two way street! |
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There are things women need to keep in secret. Absolutely! |
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It's in their DNA ...their genitals are designed to hide things, like a purse.
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It's in their DNA ...their genitals are designed to hide things, like a purse.
Didn't see that one coming... 
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It's in their DNA ...their genitals are designed to hide things, like a purse.
such as 
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It's in their DNA ...their genitals are designed to hide things, like a purse.
such as |
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It's in their DNA ...their genitals are designed to hide things, like a purse.
such as If she can hide the whole thing... she's a keeper. 
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I'm sure she hid it from you because she knew you wouldn't like it. I wouldn't be very happy with it either, if I were in your situation. The lying just makes the action which was already disrespectful even worse. If she couldn't predict that it wouldn't go very well when you showed up and he was there then she doesn't sound very bright.
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Well she understood her mistake now and was feeling sorry. It took 4 days for her to understand the actual issue but at last she understood. I have moved her couch potato ex to one of my friend's place and she is coming here now to apologies the whole weekend.
Time to teach...she has been a very bad bad gal now  
So thanks everyone and keep smiling  
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Sigh... all's well, that ends well. Good Luck
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Well she understood her mistake now and was feeling sorry. It took 4 days for her to understand the actual issue but at last she understood. I have moved her couch potato ex to one of my friend's place and she is coming here now to apologies the whole weekend. Time to teach...she has been a very bad bad gal now
So thanks everyone and keep smiling
Jimmy! I think you're perfect for each other
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I agree with you
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Yea Jimmy, this might not be your best post, no offense. The accustory tone. Not good man. All humans start life as females. At a certain time a dna sequence adds the male coding to make the transfermation. So, the battle of the sexes can be debated, but you can't say it's because females are more slick than men. It doesn't wash since both sexes have been withholding info since Ugg could throw a club at a fleeing possible cavewoman. Sometimes it is nessesary. i.e. a rape victim will share this info with a loved one, but not right away. i.e. a convicted felon will share as soon as it can be handled. And yes, these might be deal breakers in a relationship. But can you blame them for, as you call it, hiding stuff? Thanks Jimmy. Thanks Rob, but inviting her ex to stay at her house over weekend without informing me just because he broke and begged her doesn't make a relationship stronger. So hiding stuff doesn't make relationship stronger but introduces trust issues. This has been another excellent example of why it is far better to be specific at the BEGINNING, rather than formulating some vague and overly general philosophical question to ask instead. [by the way, when you did that, it was ironically a form of "hiding things because you thought it would be better that way."] Anyway. Now that you've spelled out what happened that set you off, I can say for certain, that this isn't just a "female thing." Pretty much everyone I've ever known, has had to deal with being less than forthcoming because they thought things would go more smoothly if they "hid things." Remember when you were a kid, and you did something that you were sure would upset your parents, but you also knew wasn't really a big deal? So you quietly crossed your fingers and hoped they would never find out? That's what this seems to have been. Hopefully. Years ago, from your parents point of view, whatever you did wrong, might also have been MUCH more important. Anyway. Bottom line, I think you had more than every right to be very upset, AND, I can understand why she made the mistake that she did. Hopefully a good learning experience for you both. But I predict you will run into this again, perhaps where it is YOU persuading yourself not to tell HER something "for her own sake," and in all innocence. Not because I think anything negative about you, but simply because this is one of the common repeating mistakes that all humans do make. Good luck. |
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