There's this man in a shop, one of the owners. I frequent that shop and it's a very unusual shop, meaning there is NO other shop like that around. Not in the entire country, probably not in Europe. That fact is vital to my 'problem'.

Thing is ... I really like that man. From the word go, when I first got there in approx. 2010, when I myself was still with my ex. I really liked him.
Something about him triggers something in me.

Thing is ... I suspect he's with one of the other (female) owners.
Today I visited that shop again, and he was there, and dangit, each and every time I go home after I've been there, I'm thinking "I want to get to know him!"
I really, really, really like him! And not in the sense of "I want to sex you up", but a deeper thing. The kind of thing that would suggest you could fall deeply in love with that person.

How the heck do I find out if he's indeed with that woman or not??
If I try to 'vaguely' ask something about that in the shop, I'm gonna feel SO awkward if it turns out he IS with that woman. I doubt I'd ever dare go there again. And since it's such an unusual shop, I will have bleeped myself over.

I got this sort of 'problem' more often. Dating experts suggesting you start flirting/talking to a guy in a shop, supermarket, library etc.
But HOW do you know someone is single? What if you're trying to get a date, and suddenly his missus veers around the corner. I'm gonna feel utterly stupid and embarrassed!

How do you deal with this sort of stuff?

I'm curious to know what kind of "shop" this is...that may be your way in.

Theres a chemistry trick involved in this one. Has he been people-watching? Does he strike up random conversations with you? Does he have a wedding ring on his right ring finger? These questions are the ones determinant that tell you if hes single or not with the last question a obvious one( if he has one on, its a no-brainer hes taken).
Carving my own path into the world.

You ain't gonna like my answer.. Sorry about that..

As I see it.. your question is how do I protect myself from being
even mildly embarrassed..? Or heaven forbid.. vulnerable.

How to find out..? ASK..??

Any guy is going to be flattered if a woman who looks like you says she's interested in him.. and if he is the guy you think.. he will be sensitive enough to your feelings..

Either way.. you'll know.

Or you can fiddle away a couple months looking for clues.. and still not knowing.. <shrug>

Hmmmmmm..I might, in conversation, throw in some info
like 'Well, when you are only cooking for one..' or
'My cat is my only company' or 'My car is on the fritz,
I need to date a mechanic.'

This allows you to set the stage, if he has any interest at all.

Humm well if you don't just come right out and ask them if they are with someone..

I have many times while saying something like telling them a good place to eat ect throw in you should try it take your wife or gf they would enjoy it. Seems to work most times for they will come back and either say they will have to try it or ohh I'm not married. Then I say well with your gf, if none they will say they don't have one...normally it works for me~~

That is if there is no ring on the finger which I check first~~

Not to stereotype but ... Show up around tea time and ask .

I understand it's a cultural thing so Mab y wouldn't seem flirtatious.

Opps

Yes, I know ... and you're right. And maybe if it was in a pub or lord knows where else, I'd just do that. Problem is, that woman is always there too, so if she is indeed his partner ... asking something like that while she's within hearing distance ... Makes it kinda awkward ...

Yeah, I've been thinking about something like that. Mention something about doing this that and the other with your wife/partner.

There's no ring, that would make it easy, lol. BUt no ring means nothing these days ...

It's also awkward, as he's working when I'm there, him being one of the proprietors, and there's little time cos it's always busy. Sometimes another 15-20 clients whizzing around, all eager to ask questions about the products etc.
Plus ... as a business owner, you don't start flirting with a client, do you. That would look highly unprofessional, esp towards other clients.
So getting any clues from him is therefore difficult. I can tell he likes me, but if it's more than that, dunno ...

Would've been much much easier if I'd see him as another client in a shop/pub/library/etc.

Do like all the cool kids do and cyber stalk him on Facebook, Twitter, etc....

By never letting them out of your sight or do anything whatsoever without your presence

You never know someone is single.

People have whole second families they never tell each other about.

He could never mention a wife or girlfriend although having one (or both) even if you directly ask him.

He could date you for six months before telling you he's dating 2 other women too, one being an 18 year old girl in the Philippines he's going to fly out to see in October.

You don't ever really "know."

There are no guarantees he's single.
There are no guarantees that isn't his wife and he tells you she's his sister, or his ex and they're not together, even though they're married "happily" and living together.
There are no guarantees he's not going to start dating someone else after he starts dating you.



You are basically in the "friendzone" that guys dread so much since you seem fearful of potentially losing the ability to go to the shop and feeling embarrassed for doing something "wrong" to upset the current status quo.

If a (unique and neeeeeeverrrrr posted before topic) forum read "I have feelings for my friend. But I'm afraid to tell them. I don't want to lose our friendship, or look stupid, or feel embarrassed, I don't know if they feel the same or can. I don't know how they feel, but I want to know. How do I deal with this? How do I figure out how they feel before I tell them how I feel?" what would you tell them?

I think it's the same answer for your situation.
Same desires and fears.

Answer your own question from another perspective (to help remove yourself from it) and it will be far more worthwhile/valuable to you than anything any internet fake relationship stranger tells you to do.

Why not just be honest with this person and invite to start the relationship on the next level as equals.

Does that preclude you doing a little looking on line to see if he is in public records as single or married first? No. Why waste your time wondering.

I often see someone interesting and pass them a personalized name card with "I know that if you were not busy I would like to get to know you better if you are single." and a smile and just walk slowly away.

Usually I get a response that is positive even if it is occasionally a later that they tell me "I was flattered but I do have a significant other they mention." Then I say " Oh good I See I am not the only one with good taste. Least now I know it will be just friends." Then it usually becomes just that. No shame no foul.

Bluddy good point.
Dammit. In the past things were so much easier, lol. Someone was either married or he wasn't. Then you just dropped your lacy hanky and Bob was your uncle.

Well, I know a little bit more... at least found him on FB, with the help of a friend (I could never find him).
It looks like he has been married, but not anymore. So now I'm gonna think about what I'm gonna do, or not do.
Yes that's right. I'm a sucker when it comes to those things. I feel much like having a beer, but I still gotta drive, pick up my son and take him home, so I can't have a couple of beers to feel more courageous and send a message

I'm the last person to be advising on stuff like this but i am totally clueless when it comes to the opposite sex!

But....
If you get on with them both, then maybe just drop it into a conversation with them both, ad just ask along the lines of, " i don't mean to be rude but are you two together"
Make out they have great chemistry or some **** and see what the response is??

If not then, Veel Geluk!

First. Check his ring finger. If not there, then just casually say "Hey babe. I see there is no ring on that sexy finger of yours. And while this might be aggressive, I have to ask....are you seeing anyone? Cause if you aren't, I think you should ask me out". Then wink at him, turn around, walk out (wiggle that butt) and if he doesn't come after you he is either (1) gay or (2) taken. Problem solved.

Secret is....men love women who just come right out and ask. It all happened back when man decided to allow women to vote. Now men just simply want you to do all the work. Ahhhhh.....gender roles.

Hahaha, you are a piece of work, Goof!

Do what I do when there is no ring on the finger. Start a casual conversation, maybe something about the shop. At some point in the conversation work in a question like "how dose your girlfriend feel about that?" At this point you will get one of two answer that can be equated to red light, green light.

I can't really tell you what to do next because nothing I've ever done after that has ever worked out.

With the information you have now... he's not married...I like Goofballs idea... go with that girlfriend!
Be a little flirty with him and see where it goes. updates appreciated.