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| Topic: Friendship: Thanks Or No Thanks? | |
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Edited by
Unknow
on
Sat 04/23/16 07:43 AM
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 To be honest my experience with men is that they generally believe that women will eventually want them sexually or romantically.
I don't, if that was the case i wouldn't have been single for as long as i have 
Some of the guys just console themselves that it's only a matter of time before he wears the woman down 
But ofcourse there are exceptions to the rule giantowl
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I vote no thanks what is this a poll thread and how come the guys are the only ones voting? 
Hey Tmom 
I said that the question was mainly for the men because I noticed that alot of guys hate being placed in the friend zone by a woman, so I was curious if such a guy would prefer if a woman with platonic intentions not waste his time |
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There is nothing wrong with being friends,friends of the other sex bring a different view and outlook on situations and it is refreshing. So that would be another "thanks " from jacktrades 
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There is nothing wrong with being friends,friends of the other sex bring a different view and outlook on situations and it is refreshing. Yes, true. But if you have a lady friend, are your intentions / feelings really totally free from any sexual innuendo? Or do you still have the hope/thought in the back of your mind that maybe ... maybe ... just maybe! she might be willing to engage in more at some point in time? My question was aimed at people who are single so that the 3rd party complication is removed. However, Sparkaey earlier on in the thread, shared similar concerns on the issue you are raising. I would agree crystal that its always a risk that one takes when befriending people of the opposite sex, and sharing one on one time with them whether online or offline. Too often, we assume that other people's intentions match the purity of ours, and many don't realise the ugly truth until they inadvertantly end up in a compromising situation. I used to think there was a right or wrong way to handle this situation but now I wonder if it is just an issue of what a couple mutually decides they are comfortable with . I guess every couple has to decide their own rules of engagement and boundaries as well as what risks they are prepared to take |
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I have some lady friends that convers from time to time but no intrest in having anything more. Many people do it, but it is common for one person to develop feelings. It's just something to be aware of at all time. I have had platonic friends for over a decade where they made their feelings known to me years after the fact. |
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In some instances, other gentlemen take it as a challenge when a girl remains to be just a friend, hoping later to get the girl when they try harder. But the girl should be honest and straightforward to a man and not give him false hope, it's up to the man to accept defeat and just be friends nothing more. If he continues and still hopes for further relationship then it's not a girl's fault. But on the other hand some philandering nice men have other intentions in accepting a girl's friendship, in their minds they love to collect women so they could enjoy the moment of just flirting with them anytime they want even without commitment. But other honest and direct real men, they simply couldn't accept friendship with a woman. They would rather fail many times until they find the right one. Still there are very rare honest and real good men who simply accepts friendship and remains a true friend for a lifetime. In my case, I would prefer not to give a man any false hope. I would be direct to him that all I want is friendship if he can accept that then it's up to him. If he's nice and treats me as a friend then it's okay to treat him in the same way, except when I will have a boyfriend after then I should set a limitation not to get too close with a man friend as it might cause problem with my boyfriend. So in other words, it all depends on the other person's ability to respect your boundaries as to whether you will maintain a friendship with him or not. And ofcourse when you have a mate, the boundaries become stricter. If I understood you correctly, that sounds very reasonable. By the way, that's a beautiful new pic of you Dolphin! 
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Brings up the ole.....man and a woman can never be just friends thingy huh!! I have many online women friends, who keep in touch on a daily basis...via messaging/email etc...But they all live pretty far away...so friendship is about all I got, and maybe, a place to stay if I ever do decide to holiday in their neck of the woods and vice versa...just saying... " Sounds like D-ONE is a "thanks" vote :) |
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Still talk to her Justin's vote is a thanks . Welcome to mingle Justin ! 
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Edited by
dolphin0925
on
Sat 04/23/16 09:29 AM
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In some instances, other gentlemen take it as a challenge when a girl remains to be just a friend, hoping later to get the girl when they try harder. But the girl should be honest and straightforward to a man and not give him false hope, it's up to the man to accept defeat and just be friends nothing more. If he continues and still hopes for further relationship then it's not a girl's fault. But on the other hand some philandering nice men have other intentions in accepting a girl's friendship, in their minds they love to collect women so they could enjoy the moment of just flirting with them anytime they want even without commitment. But other honest and direct real men, they simply couldn't accept friendship with a woman. They would rather fail many times until they find the right one. Still there are very rare honest and real good men who simply accepts friendship and remains a true friend for a lifetime. In my case, I would prefer not to give a man any false hope. I would be direct to him that all I want is friendship if he can accept that then it's up to him. If he's nice and treats me as a friend then it's okay to treat him in the same way, except when I will have a boyfriend after then I should set a limitation not to get too close with a man friend as it might cause problem with my boyfriend. So in other words, it all depends on the other person's ability to respect your boundaries as to whether you will maintain a friendship with him or not. And ofcourse when you have a mate, the boundaries become stricter. If I understood you correctly, that sounds very reasonable. By the way, that's a beautiful new pic of you Dolphin!
Thank you Peggy, I need to have a pic. I couldn't post a topic if I don't have a profile pic, I was posting my poems
Yes exactly, a man should respect my boundaries, if he won't accept the friendship I offer and still hopes then I have to be direct and honest, no thank you, goodbye. It would be unfair to give anyone a false hope. And having a mate , it's reasonable that you have to be stricter in your male friends as a sign of respect to your mate it would be better to avoid making new male friends or even existing friends who are still pursuing you, and as for old good friends whom you know is an honorable man then he deserves the friendship to be maintained. As long as you also let your partner know you are talking to a friend not any guy who could be a real threat to your relationship. It's honesty and transparency, don't do it at the back of your partner , coz if you do that would mean you might be having questionable intentions. Of which is always the downfall of every man starting from a friendly talk but with hidden agendas. |
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To have a non sexual friendship....it is still a friendship to be nurtured, as all relationships must start as friends in order to survive. that is my thoughts. 
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I was told many many years ago by a man I felt was decent and striving to rise above that "blind, crippled, crazy, or even too young to be reasonable the natural human chemistry between opposite sexes makes platonic friendship extremely difficult. That almost always the intimacy factor of true friendship makes for "distracting " situations. And that true friendship is the most potent aphrodisiac in existence because when the fear of rejection because lust wears off is taken out of the equation the love becomes truer and you take things to a whole another level.
I think most times we tell someone we just want to be friends it is a polite little lie that we want something from a friendship while holding out the "cookie" for someone we want more on all levels. Men, heck most sane adults figure it out and no wonder do not want to waste a lot of time on it. |
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The FWB thing never has been about true friendship or real sexual attraction. It is and always will be a sloppy second choice to tide people over to when they look for or trip across the real deal. I think FWB is just lazy sex and desperation or convenience. That kind of "friend" I sure don't need.
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To have a non sexual friendship....it is still a friendship to be nurtured, as all relationships must start as friends in order to survive. that is my thoughts.
This pretty much sums up what I think.. When a man pops into my inbox...Or I pop into his.. There isn't a huge spark I am hoping on either part. Friendship has to be the beginning for me. I am huge into communication and if I can't speak freely with the man on any subject then. There isn't going to be a huge romance in m book.. So to me I do enjoy nurturing friendships and if something comes out of it great if not I have a friendship I cherish |
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In some instances, other gentlemen take it as a challenge when a girl remains to be just a friend, hoping later to get the girl when they try harder. But the girl should be honest and straightforward to a man and not give him false hope, it's up to the man to accept defeat and just be friends nothing more. If he continues and still hopes for further relationship then it's not a girl's fault. But on the other hand some philandering nice men have other intentions in accepting a girl's friendship, in their minds they love to collect women so they could enjoy the moment of just flirting with them anytime they want even without commitment. But other honest and direct real men, they simply couldn't accept friendship with a woman. They would rather fail many times until they find the right one. Still there are very rare honest and real good men who simply accepts friendship and remains a true friend for a lifetime. In my case, I would prefer not to give a man any false hope. I would be direct to him that all I want is friendship if he can accept that then it's up to him. If he's nice and treats me as a friend then it's okay to treat him in the same way, except when I will have a boyfriend after then I should set a limitation not to get too close with a man friend as it might cause problem with my boyfriend. So in other words, it all depends on the other person's ability to respect your boundaries as to whether you will maintain a friendship with him or not. And ofcourse when you have a mate, the boundaries become stricter. If I understood you correctly, that sounds very reasonable. By the way, that's a beautiful new pic of you Dolphin!
Thank you Peggy, I need to have a pic. I couldn't post a topic if I don't have a profile pic, I was posting my poems
Yes exactly, a man should respect my boundaries, if he won't accept the friendship I offer and still hopes then I have to be direct and honest, no thank you, goodbye. It would be unfair to give anyone a false hope. And having a mate , it's reasonable that you have to be stricter in your male friends as a sign of respect to your mate it would be better to avoid making new male friends or even existing friends who are still pursuing you, and as for old good friends whom you know is an honorable man then he deserves the friendship to be maintained. As long as you also let your partner know you are talking to a friend not any guy who could be a real threat to your relationship. It's honesty and transparency, don't do it at the back of your partner , coz if you do that would mean you might be having questionable intentions. Of which is always the downfall of every man starting from a friendly talk but with hidden agendas. I am a big fan of transparency which you addressed in your post Dolphin. I call it creating a climate for trust in the relationship |
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To have a non sexual friendship....it is still a friendship to be nurtured, as all relationships must start as friends in order to survive. that is my thoughts.
That's a great way to look at it Wolfman. I actually hadn't thought about it from that angle. Cheers to that!
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No baby
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I was told many many years ago by a man I felt was decent and striving to rise above that "blind, crippled, crazy, or even too young to be reasonable the natural human chemistry between opposite sexes makes platonic friendship extremely difficult. That almost always the intimacy factor of true friendship makes for "distracting " situations. And that true friendship is the most potent aphrodisiac in existence because when the fear of rejection because lust wears off is taken out of the equation the love becomes truer and you take things to a whole another level. I think most times we tell someone we just want to be friends it is a polite little lie that we want something from a friendship while holding out the "cookie" for someone we want more on all levels. Men, heck most sane adults figure it out and no wonder do not want to waste a lot of time on it. I agree with you Star that sexual tension is a reocurring underlined reality of most opposite sex relationships. I used to think that once you got through the first 5 years of a frienship with a person of the opposite sex, without the sexual/romantic tension being an issue, then your friendship with that person could be labelled as immune from that complication, but I have had male friends where it took as much as 10-20 years for the romantic tension to come to the surface on their part, and ultimately cause a problem in the friendship. I agree with you Star that it is a very real dynamic which people should be aware of when they embark upon these type of friendships. It's often a calculated risk one is taking
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The FWB thing never has been about true friendship or real sexual attraction. It is and always will be a sloppy second choice to tide people over to when they look for or trip across the real deal. I think FWB is just lazy sex and desperation or convenience. That kind of "friend" I sure don't need. This is a very personal judgment call that people make Star. There are people in this room who have been searching for the "real deal" as you decribed it for 5 years, a decade and even more. For those who make the choice that they want to have one person that they have developed a trust level with over time to meet those needs until they find the right person , I see it as a personal judgment call. I guess it depends on how a person's mind and personality is wired . |
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To have a non sexual friendship....it is still a friendship to be nurtured, as all relationships must start as friends in order to survive. that is my thoughts.
This pretty much sums up what I think.. When a man pops into my inbox...Or I pop into his.. There isn't a huge spark I am hoping on either part. Friendship has to be the beginning for me. I am huge into communication and if I can't speak freely with the man on any subject then. There isn't going to be a huge romance in m book.. So to me I do enjoy nurturing friendships and if something comes out of it great if not I have a friendship I cherish I think your attitude is typical of many women Sitka, but I think many guys even when they agree to a friendship online, that consciously or unconsciously they strive to break that friendship barrier. I guess it all depends on how agressive the men are in this friendship barrier-breaking attempt, that may encourage or disuade a woman from embracing a friendship with him. |
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No baby Thats a no thanks from anish, Welcome to mingle anish
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