What part of a simple "Not interested" response makes many think that and explanation is needed? Do they get explanations when they get no in other situations? Do they expect some kind of remedial instruction? Or that saying why is going to gain them sympathy? Is it like some brat in a shopping mall that has to be told no three times before it even registers? Is the first not interested interpreted as maybe if they don't go away you will change your mind? This is and adult dating site isn't it? Do people actually say oh ooops I meant to say interested? Yeeeessssh Enlighten me please.

Mostly when I politely say I'm not interested, thank you for your message blabla, they send me a reply as if I'd said I was interested.
Never has anyone ask me why not. They just don't even seem to see it. So happy to get a reply, I bet they'd do the same thing if I'd answer with
"DGkdsaHKDHG HhHDSgjsj Dkgjjg sdgdkjsakdg"
Many don't seem to read what you say. Just the sheer fact you say something gets them going. Like little robots. "Ah reply" ---> engage!!!
And then they wonder why women babble -which we don't btw-, and they blame us for not making sense? Why should we even bother, they don't listen anyways.

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Not much different than every other thing that happens online..yup.. give me your phone number so we can text..ok.. then four texts later they stop texting you...lol.. go to meet and greet the young vivacious blonde at the coffee shop... and some way heavier and way older version of her shows up to meet you..yup..
No response.. a polite response to say thank you.. for taking interest in the profile.. a simple not interested don't think it's a match... whatever you do! You are damned if you Do and you are damned if you don't...yup.

Hi Star. I know what you mean a little. It's only happened to me a couple of time when I tell a man, "not interested", and they ask why? Do they really want to know? Do they want me to be blunt? Should I ignore their question?

The unwritten code for online dating;

Absolutely no response to a message, means NOT INTERESTED . Simple.
If you are trying to show manners, or trying to be polite by responding with explanation...do so at your own risk, and be prepared for a prolonged battle of sorts.


If you have somehow managed to find a suitable match and have entered into a relationship, the unwritten code of online dating, requires you to take down your profile or at least hide it for the duration of said relationship.

Just saying....

Hiiiiiii

Well, if someone just says, "Hi, how are you today?" Should I respond "not interested"? Even after reading their profile and don't have anything in common and I know nothing will happen. It seems rude. They didn't ask me if I wanted to get married, after all.

If they for some reason don't get it and send me another message, I just block them.

I think they get it, then.

Personally I check to see where they're from first.. well okay first I see how attractive they are first.. busted..lol.. but if they are not within driving distance and they send me a little message... like for instance..
Love your profile.. are you have a really friendly face.. or just wanted to say hi.. I typically don't respond.. no use pulling the pin on the hand grenade if you're not intending to use it..lol.. but even if they are from my city.. I really take a hard look at your profile.. okay I really take a hard look at their pictures on.. their profile.. busted..lol..wink

I find it ironic.. that a topic called no explanation needed... is receiving so many explanations..... am I alone in my thinking..yup..

There was a guy, just a few minutes ago who is trying to talk to me that I had to tell him what he had written under marital status - "no answer"- that most women would take that to mean - married. Do people agree with that?

Only if you are the suspicious type..lol..jk

OK. I got a little off the subject.

What makes you think they really need or want an explanation and aren't just using any means necessary in order to prolong actual validating personal interaction.

Some guys asking for a "why" after a "not interested" is no different than some girls asking for a "can we still be friends" after a breakup.


Usually.
Most people in every other aspect of life give a reason for why they're saying "no."

The only people that don't really explain rejection are potential employers that just stop calling back to interview.
Out of sight, out of mind.


No. Just something they can use to steady themselves and get their brain back to its normal state.


Maybe.


I'd bet in some cases it is, but I would doubt it's true for every one.


I can see where it could be interpreted that way.
I mean if they've emailed 300 women and not gotten a single response but then get an actual response from you, only it's a "not interested" response, it's still a response, so you are the odd one out, the outlier, the abnormal one.
They could just as easily "really" be asking "why did you respond with a no response when everyone else didn't respond at all....were you slightly more attracted to me than all those other people?"


No.
It's just a dating site that presumes its members are adults.
There aren't really any barriers to use except a line that says "by signing up you are agreeing that you are over 18" or something like that.
That doesn't really do anything except protect the owners.
"Oh, they met and banged a 16 year old on our site?! We're not liable! They agreed to the TOS on sign up!"


Sometimes.
Conversations start in the strangest of ways, and people actually meet and keep them going.

If guys simply accepted every "not interested" as an absolute and just slunk away with their tail between their legs then women would probably never date.

Do you believe in the whole "friends first" stupidity?
If so, then you should realize that is totally based on constant rejection until a later acceptance. "Not interested now, not interested now, just friends, not interested now, just friends, not interested now, just friends, okay now I'm interested in more than friends."

Or have you ever been "just friends" with a guy and had "oops" sex with him? Or had any kind of sex where you said "it just happened?"
That's based on constant rejection, and later acceptance.
The rejections are just generally more subtle.

You ever work somewhere and dated a coworker after knowing him for a while and developing a rapport and attraction to him over a long period of time?
That's based on rejecting him at first, and coming to accept him later.

Or have you ever worked somewhere and have a guy come in day after day after day after day? You've been rejecting him since day one, indirectly.
He keeps coming back to get you to not reject him.

Most rejection in real life is done with indirect communication.

That is the hell that is online dating.
It takes all of that and puts it into direct, conscious, immediate focus.

One thing you may want to realize is that if guys take a "not interested" and just go away? They weren't really all that interested in you. You just happened to be standing there.
It's the guys that keep coming back, that stick around in ways you take for granted, in ways you are both comfortable with, that are actually truly interested and are trying to change your initial rejection.

So

The part where it just objectifies them as part of the annoying online dating "crowd" or cloud, rather than an individual.

Otherwise they are just a-holes trying to get attention.

I used to think this way. How much skin off my nose is it to just be friendly, at least extend a welcome to the greater Mingle community? But seriously you respond you have pathetic souls who perceive even basic good manners in forums as an overt invitation into your life on and off site.

It would have seemed, at one time, ridiculous for someone to have to ask permission to email your screen name. But now I wish the program would require someone to have to request a Self Addressed Stamped Envelope icon before a member could email them.

Sure it would slow down the scammers in a big way. Hopefully it would limit the unwelcome contact that the settings clearly does not stop. My feeling is if a member doesn't want to present enough of a completed profile then they have to figure they are going to get very few SASE's. Especially since the private email is not monitored.

I just really don't get why people would want a laundry list of why you would not be interested. Why waste time? Why even assume it is anything you can fix? Why even assume it is about you? People can not be interested in dating at any particular time for a multitude of reasons at the moment or long term. I hear so many whining about honesty, fairness, and loyalty and seems like the concept is contradicted if you are suppose to be interested if you are not.

Thanks CireTom. I guess I am just more decisive than some. I say "not interested" it is final and flirting with a much less than polite response if "No" is too complicated a response to comprehend.

If I was vaguely interested in exploring options "later" or if someone was "willing to try harder" or I was just busy I would say so. Oh well guess until the people who do this actually weigh in and explain it may never know. Maybe the response would be why ask why but Yikes then you still have more unwanted email.

For guys, "not interested" means...

Sometimes, when I first meet a man I don't see myself with, for the rest of my life, why I usually let them know, in the gentlest way possible. Some men have just kept sticking around, in hopes that I'll change my mind. It's usually "But we can just be friends, and you could visit my flat". Sometimes it works, but only if they're very silly and goofy. As long as they're nice to me aswell. If he was a total bell end, I don't wouldn't even think twice about never wanting to see him again. The last man I was attracted to, had a lovely London accent. It sounded exotic, even though we practically come from the same country. . It was just refreshing to hear a southern accent. And he was quite the charmer.