Self-confidence is at least 80% of my 'attractiveness' IMO.
I am not conventionally pretty and spent high school being called ugly and a dog. Primary school was spent being teased about scars I have.

By the time I got to college I gave up on the idea of finding a boyfriend and I just relaxed and enjoyed myself. All of a sudden guys started to look my way. The only change to my appearance was my chin was a little higher, my back straighter and I had a spring in my step. Smiling always helps too!

You answer that yourself: a woman who have nothing going for herself?

Are you interested in a man who has nothing going for himself? A boring f@rt?

You don't have to be good looking at all to get a real nice guy. There's plenty of women that could be labelled physically unattractive according to the (stupid) standards, that do land themselves gorgeous, great men.

Being attractive is about who you are, what you exude. And sure a great body helps, if you want short term attraction. Long term attraction is based on something completely different.

And no offense, one thing online that helps a lot is a smiling picture. A happy looking person is more attractive than someone who looks unhappy.
.
.

It's like a buffet! Lol you can choose anything you want to. Of coarse you would choose what looks best. It's being offered to you :)

you seem defeated even before you start. You have no good qualities?... I find that hard to believe.

Why not list all of them and leave your imperfections and negativity out.


You will get better responses

JMO

OP-Somehow, Sometime Soon-you seriously got to try to find, a Sense Of Humor -Somewhere! Online Dating? It's not "A Day At The Beach" or "A Walk In The Park" -No Matter what you Look Like !!!
Don't take it, seriously or personally. Learn to LAUGH-It-Off! Otherwise? You'll just get very down on yourself for no good reason... But as someone suggested-do an overhaul on your profile.

Girl, I went through the same think when I was in high school and in undergrad.

When I was a young girl, I used to dream of being white. I hated when my grandmother put eggs and sulfur 8 in my hair with cornbraids. Now, I have a lot of hair. I went to an all white school. The white boys use to make fun of my big lips, my wide hips, and my kinky hair. One time, I went to school with a scarf on my head and my science teacher said I looked like Aunt Jemima. You know what's funny? I never ran home to my grandmother and cried about it. I would just pick up one of her medical encyclopedias and read them. Reading medical books always made childhood depression go away. My grandmother and aunts were all nurses. In psychology, we were taught that children subconsciously emulate their caregivers. I think that's true. I actually became a nurse. But I don't work as a full time nurse anymore. I work medical policies and auditing. When I was a teenager, I saw my mother build a computer out of scratch and operate various word processing programs. By the time I was 15, I was already typing 70wpm. I had already knew how to operate windows 95, on Packard Bell and Corel Wordperfect. Now, I am a computer expert on my job. Things didn't get any easier in high school. Rumors would circulate in school that I was gay because I was a viRgin, and played high school sports. The boys wouldn't even acknowledge me because of my physical characteristics. I remember Winning an award in art class and the high maintenance biracial female said I was fat and ugly. I remember wearing large hooped ghetto earrings in my high school physics class and being told by my physics teacher that my earrings were "too nasty." I remember in chemistry class when I was the only female who passed the first exam, the students would say that I'm a geek. Funny thing is I never once picked up a science or math book to study. Those subjects came naturally to me. I use to sell my chemistry test answers to students. I needed to take a music class to graduate. So I took a piano in summer school because I thought it would be easy. Played a Beethoven piece and the students called me "bougie."

One thing I realized as I got older that you are the only person that can control your happiness. People definition of you is made to make themselves feel better.

Unfortunately, in the dating world because of the media, black women like you and me are viewed as "temporaries." Don't be sad about it. When I was in high school, I didn't realize how beautiful I was and that there were men out there that had feelings for me. Nowadays, you see women getting butt implants and lip injections. Fortunately, I'm blessed and highly favored in that department.

I look at the world in objective manner. Unfortunately, there is a beauty standard that has placed people in a social caste system by their unalterable physical characteristics: straight/long hair, thinness and being light-skinned. And anyone whose physical characteristics deviates from the norm are treated differently. I used that to my advantage and went to college. I knew I wasn't ever going to be married or look like the women in the videos. I knew I wasn't good enough to have a front office job. And there was no way in heck I was having a child out of wedlock. So college was the only choice I had.

The grass is always greener on the other side. It's an adage my grandmother taught me when I was a child. Just because something appears attractive or better doesn't mean that it's better. You should read a book called fountainhead by Ayn Rand. It will change the way you deal with men. Other than lord of the rings and 1984, it's one of the best books i have ever read. It's a philosophical novel that takes place in the 1920s. It's not an easy read and is subject to various interpretation. Focus on the relationship between peter keating and Dominique francone, also, focus on Ellsworth toohey. He's the antithesis of Ayn Rand. That book will truly change you mind on how you deal with people. If you can, try to focus on a career change. There are many programs available for women. The government I believe is really trying to help women of color. There are many programs readily available to minorities. I always think that when you keep your mind occupied, those feelings of loneliness will go away.

Now that I have a career, I have so many men at my disposal. It's funny. I don't go around looking for them. Never have; never will. I'm on this website exclusively for the forums. If a man wants to holler at me, it's all good. But he has to come correct. No sloths, broke, unemployed men can step to me. My grandfather, uncles, and stepfather were all hard-working men with work ethics. And I expect the same. If I have to be a spruce goose, so be it. I will not settle for less nor compromise my standards for any man.

Good luck in your search!

Girl, I went through the same think when I was in high school and in undergrad.

When I was a young girl, I used to dream of being white. I hated when my grandmother put eggs and sulfur 8 in my hair with cornbraids. Now, I have a lot of hair. I went to an all white school. The white boys use to make fun of my big lips, my wide hips, and my kinky hair. One time, I went to school with a scarf on my head and my science teacher said I looked like Aunt Jemima. You know what's funny? I never ran home to my grandmother and cried about it. I would just pick up one of her medical encyclopedias and read them. Reading medical books always made childhood depression go away. My grandmother and aunts were all nurses. In psychology, we were taught that children subconsciously emulate their caregivers. I think that's true. I actually became a nurse. But I don't work as a full time nurse anymore. I work medical policies and auditing. When I was a teenager, I saw my mother build a computer out of scratch and operate various word processing programs. By the time I was 15, I was already typing 70wpm. I had already knew how to operate windows 95, on Packard Bell and Corel Wordperfect. Now, I am a computer expert on my job. Things didn't get any easier in high school. Rumors would circulate in school that I was gay because I was a viRgin, and played high school sports. The boys wouldn't even acknowledge me because of my physical characteristics. I remember Winning an award in art class and the high maintenance biracial female said I was fat and ugly. I remember wearing large hooped ghetto earrings in my high school physics class and being told by my physics teacher that my earrings were "too nasty." I remember in chemistry class when I was the only female who passed the first exam, the students would say that I'm a geek. Funny thing is I never once picked up a science or math book to study. Those subjects came naturally to me. I use to sell my chemistry test answers to students. I needed to take a music class to graduate. So I took a piano in summer school because I thought it would be easy. Played a Beethoven piece and the students called me "bougie."

One thing I realized as I got older that you are the only person that can control your happiness. People definition of you is made to make themselves feel better.

Unfortunately, in the dating world because of the media, black women like you and me are viewed as "temporaries." Don't be sad about it. When I was in high school, I didn't realize how beautiful I was and that there were men out there that had feelings for me. Nowadays, you see women getting butt implants and lip injections. Fortunately, I'm blessed and highly favored in that department.

I look at the world in objective manner. Unfortunately, there is a beauty standard that has placed people in a social caste system by their unalterable physical characteristics: straight/long hair, thinness and being light-skinned. And anyone whose physical characteristics deviates from the norm are treated differently. I used that to my advantage and went to college. I knew I wasn't ever going to be married or look like the women in the videos. I knew I wasn't good enough to have a front office job. And there was no way in heck I was having a child out of wedlock. So college was the only choice I had.

The grass is always greener on the other side. It's an adage my grandmother taught me when I was a child. Just because something appears attractive or better doesn't mean that it's better. You should read a book called fountainhead by Ayn Rand. It will change the way you deal with men. Other than lord of the rings and 1984, it's one of the best books i have ever read. It's a philosophical novel that takes place in the 1920s. It's not an easy read and is subject to various interpretation. Focus on the relationship between peter keating and Dominique francone, also, focus on Ellsworth toohey. He's the antithesis of Ayn Rand. That book will truly change you mind on how you deal with people. If you can, try to focus on a career change. There are many programs available for women. The government I believe is really trying to help women of color. There are many programs readily available to minorities. I always think that when you keep your mind occupied, those feelings of loneliness will go away.

Now that I have a career, I have so many men at my disposal. It's funny. I don't go around looking for them. Never have; never will. I'm on this website exclusively for the forums. If a man wants to holler at me, it's all good. But he has to come correct. No sloths, broke, unemployed men can step to me. My grandfather, uncles, and stepfather were all hard-working men with work ethics. And I expect the same. If I have to be a spruce goose, so be it. I will not settle for less nor compromise my standards for any man.

Good luck in your search!

that is a incredible story about determination and character,UrbanEx and some really good advise you gave :)

My grandmother and my mother are the most influential women in my life. If it wasn't for them, I don't know where I'd be. My self-determination comes from them. As much as I would like a companion, it's really not at the expense of my happiness. I've got everything I need right now and then some. And I just feel when you have things going on in your life that are positive, you ignore the everyday nuances of being lonely. Loneliness is a state of mind. And your state of mind can be altered. Why not do something else to stimulate your mindset like visit a library or a museum? Treat yourself to a spa. Take a weekend trip. Read a book. Hangout with your friends. Good things come to those who wait. Never mind that a man doesn't holla at you. It's his loss. Nowadays, you have to be careful when you are dealing with men. Many of them NOT ALL are homeless, unemployed and bisexual. They have their own socioeconomic issues to deal with. Perhaps that's the other reason why they are not interested in women.

At some point in our lives, we are going to have to come to a realization that people are selfish and individualistic. Women and men are driven by greed. But in America, that greed has manifested itself in "instant gratification." Selfishly and expeditiously wanting things without putting any effort in it. Men are always driven by sex. And my stepfather says a man that can't control his own sexual impulses is weak and has to be controlled. He's right. Ayn Rand antithesis Ellsworth Toohey says sexual love is selfish because sexual love driven by a personal impulse. That's why the divorce rate is very high in this country. Marriage is simply not natural because it is based on personal love. And personal love is selfish because it's an act of discrimination of preference. Personal love leads to misery unless both partners submit themselves to each other and acknowledge their weakness.

United States is economically a third world country and its only going to get worse. The thing to do right now is focus on getting a marketable career, nursing, health information technology, politics and anything else that has to do with STEM. Most Americans are dumb, have the attention span of a squirrel, and lack Basic science and arithmetic skills. The education system has been dumbed down. There are a lot of what my grandfather would say "ignorant slaves" that are willing and able to work for cheap to keep up with the joneses. What's wrong with capitalizing on that? My aunt became a school teacher in 2000. She became a teacher at 40 years old. Now, she's a babysitter/correctional officer in an impoverished school system. But she's making 6 figures. Point I'm making is that despite having 6 kids, and an unsupportive husband, my aunt went back to school and bettered herself.

I hate to say that women don't need men. But these feelings can be easily corrected if women don't think about them and simply focus on ourselves. The world is a big place. And there are many men. We women should stop focusing on trying to make men loving us instead of focusing on trying to make us love ourselves.

The same reason why we pick the best produce at the supermarket.. you overlook the slightly bruised apples the slightly less than perfect apples..
You pick the best Apple you can..
.. even though at the end of the day an apple is an apple.. inside of it..

.. it also comes down to the number of apples you have to choose from.. if there are a lot of apples there's a lot of choices if there's only a few apples well it makes your choice a little easier...oui

Continuing to read the thread it bothers me that women of color, which I consider myself even though I often pass for white since that is half of my make up, seem to have such hatred for themselves and allow what are really a relative few others discount them and hurt their self esteem.

If you listen to the creepizoids that are at their best targeting anyone who is a little shaky in the self esteem department then you are kind of handing over your power as a person.

I don't think it is just women, but women do tend to be compete against not only men but get sucked into competing against each other.
I have seen it time and again. You put a 100 similar women in a room the very first thing they will do is start categorizing themselves in a pecking order. I think maybe we learn that as children where the then dominate woman, Mom or older sister maybe even grandmother, usually flex their "muscles" sometime very harshly, especially verbally which is hard to heal, and male children seem to be protected , nurtured, and even elevated until they come under the hand of peer men a little later. And the criteria seems to be especially cruel because often it is nothing to do with any factor that the individual could really change, size , skin color, hair, features. Pity the child/adult that appears more like a rival than a beloved. Maybe it is just survival and wanting to push a few weaker females off the competition to move self up the food chain but I have long thought women rarely claim the power they have in working together. Or listening to one another when they are sharing common sense. My guess is Op will totally ignore any premise that does not meet her own because of indoctrination from early on.

I think the idea that men are going to claim only the "best apple" is balderdash. Actually if you watch men hunt, and it is a long time past time of mine, they rarely go after the perfect fruit and if by accident, they get it, they make take a bit out of it but quickly move on to gathering the "weaker" specimens. And they often keep the one least likely to leave them. Especially if she protects him and shows loyalty and trustworthiness. You read profiles on line that is often what men will actually say. They are looking for sex true, Thank Goodness; sex is the "easiest" way to bond since men are every bit the hedonist women are liking comfort, but if you listen to men who walk away the telling refrain is "she over rated her *** and it just wasn't worth it anymore." so sex will not hold a man hostage forever. Maybe until his kids are grown or he gets enough that he can live on his own but if it was only prime nubile sex then explain why so many men care for and actually re-marry women who look more like their mother's than the playboy bunnies?

I can tell you from experience that being the "Miss America" type lasts about thirty seconds in attraction. If you can't say something smart, laugh at a corny joke, get into a game, help them raise their kids, pay their bills, fit in their family, share some of their beliefs, are willing to cook a real meal occasionally, and are too prissy to get sweaty they will loose interest fast.

Hate to break it stereotype (not really) the white super model is getting heralded as a "gem" only in media and less and less there. You look around they are a dying bread as they figure out you better join or be extinct. Besides if you really look closely many of the blondes with blue eyes and porcelain skin are manufactured. If you chart family trees the intermarrying of races are the norm. I don't know what will come up as the new "ideal" in a few more years but I doubt strongly that it will be what is already fading off the radar. LOL maybe some hypercross of alien/human but hopefully we won't be around to try and tell them they are normal and it is ok.

I see a lot of pretty women with less than appealingly men and really attractive men with not so attractive women...both smiling and very much in love...although I want to find a guy that is appealing to my eyes... I have the most fun with men that share the same views...and if a man can keep me happy and looking forward to being around him..that is all I want... I think the ones that are all about looks find themselves looking...alone..

That equation might be a little different if we were taught from the media that the Granny Smith apples are better than the Washington square. If you were to open up a magazine and see only Granny Smiths in that magazine, you might not want to try the Washington square. You'll keep on picking the Granny Smiths until they are all gone. And that equation become even complex when that same magazine that displays Granny Smiths apples, displays only green Granny Smith apples instead of red apples. So the Washington square Apples might not ever get a chance

That equation might be a little different if we were taught from the media that the Granny Smith apples are better than the Washington square. If you were to open up a magazine and see only Granny Smiths in that magazine, you might not want to try the Washington square. You'll keep on picking the Granny Smiths until they are all gone. And that equation become even complex when that same magazine that displays Granny Smiths apples, displays only green Granny Smith apples instead of red apples. So the Washington square Apples might not ever get a chance

Friend to friend.
I am speaking from experience.
Yes I at once look like a dog's dinner. I didn't know how to dress, wear make up. I spoke like a rough as guts person with out the swearing. I had plenty yol bro. Where you at? Giss a feed.
Get the picture.

Ok I wonder to why is it a guy pass my over?
A friend took me under her wing a retrained me.
We looked at the clothes that suited my body
I worked on my mouth and what I spoke as well as how I said it.
Make up. I learnt to put it on and what suits me without looking like war paint
Hair I got a haircut that suited my face and learnt how to style it.
I also had to go through even an attitude adjustment.
I did this for me no one else.
Yes it doesn't happen over night but with practice it will happen.
I'm not perfect and I am working on it everyday.
I do believe what you put out is what you will get back.

Have fun and enjoy the experience. If you are open you grow into your beautiful butterfly.

I have dated too many men that I'm not attracted to because in the past I thought that very few guys would ever be interested in me. I think that I have a lot to offer, but not too many men can appreciate me, so now I have become kind of discriminating. If I can't find a great relationship, I'd rather be alone.