because i didn't want to high jack another thread.

so here's the question:

what's with the prevailing attitude that dates that don't convert to happily ever after, always end in disaster?

personally some of my best friends of the female persuasion were made when the dating process proved that we were not compatible for a long term committed relationship. so if i was attracted to the lady next door and asked her out. why does it have to end with us being in an ltr or feuding like the hatfields and maccoys?

IMO, it is those who have self esteem issues and can't possibly fathom someone not wanting them who are like this.
I only have 2 actual exes, and 1 was truly longterm. I do not wish to communicate with either of them, however I don't wish them ill will or talk bad about them. Yes, both broke my heart, but didn't do anything worth "fighting" over.
My opinion is that if you need to talk/feel bad towards someone simply because there was no spark, then you are the drama-queen and one doesn't need those kind in their life.

Just a tip never date your neighbors keep those you date far enough from your house, that when it is over you don't have to look at them every day...

Maybe those are the same people that also end a LTR the same way, with fights and childish behaviour?

I think maybe people like that tend to be insecure deep down, so their already feeble self-esteem and ego gets damaged when someone doesn't want them anymore? The people who don't take responsibility for their part of it going wrong (which is the majority of people) and prefer to blame the other party.

I never had a date or LTR end bad, not even the abusive LTR, not even when my 1st started knocking me via our children.
Wasn't always easy, you got to have inner strength to do that. But I simply refuse to go there. Why add fire to fire and create a blazing inferno? What's the point?
If nothing else, it's detrimental to me, not the other person, and I don't want that.
It a choice you can make, or not.

you have just reiterated the reason i asked the question.

what i am trying to ask is why does it have to always be such a bad ending that you wouldn't want to even look at them ever again?

while i have had some very bad endings i have wound up with more good friendships so i truly don't understand the " never date a... ever"

Ok All joking aside about dating the neighbor...
I did it one time and dang I thought we ended fine and dandy didn't take but two dates for me to realize that we would never move past friends. So I let them know they were great people but long term wasn't going to be there. I thought it was great..
I thought very naively that things would go back to where they were before the 2 dates..Wrong... His dog suddenly was in my yard doing his business loud music was being played at all hours.. You name just a proverbial ***...

So Now I make it a policy I don't date neighbors...


Most of my break ups have ended well I have some great friends for years that were men that I dated and we realize that just wasn't going to happen.


To me if all or more than not relationships end badly then the problem lies with you. Then I would suggest to the person to figure out what they are doing to bring such wrath down upon them.

Really liked this opinion.

I never get an argument with women I break things off with.. that's where the delete block button comes in handy..lol.... and besides I always make them think it is there ideal to break up with me...no.no. Mon Cheri..
. I am NOT good enough for you !!you deserve better than me.... you deserve someone that can give you true happiness someone that can give all of themselves to you.... now you must break things off with me... no no Mon Cherie do not worry about me...... I will spend some time wandering the earth feeling the sorrow of your loss deeply... but eventually I will.... find some way to get over you perhaps I join a monastery..yes.... now go my beautiful sexy Mon Cheri go find happiness..yup...

If she ends it with me, then hopefully she would have had the courtesy to end it via face to face. Tell me that you want to be not long term, let me deal with it and then we move along. Don't just give the silent treatment and then come up to me weeks later and say..."Oh by the way...". I will have figured it out by then, would have already had my friend at the cable company cut your cable, cooked your rabbit....you know....all the normal things jaded folk do.

I can honestly say I am friends with every one of my exes. Some are better friends then others but I have no hard feelings towards any of them.
I would never date a neighbor though just in case...

well I can't speak for everyone but for me..

I really don't like people so at the end of that first date

uh no not gonna be friendly
especially if it went badly

got no time for leaches
besides they just hang around trying to pester ya for another shot
wanna know how they screwed it up

sheesh that is exhausting
ain't nobody got time for that

Eric22t: I think you've (understandably) misunderstood the 'prevailing wisdom."

It really is NOT that ALL dating situations that don't work out end in disaster. Not at all. The concern is, especially with things like dating neighbors or coworkers, is that IF, I say again IF it ends at all badly (i.e. deep disappointment, depression, bad personal impressions, whatever), the repercussions will be hugely magnified.


I say it's understandable that you've misunderstood it, because one thing that's also very commonly true about 'prevailing wisdom' of pretty much all kinds: most of the time, the people who repeat it, don't really completely understand what they are saying. That's how lots of superstitions get going.

Like that thing about walking under a ladder being unlucky? Actually, it should be obvious, that if you fail to check if someone's ON the ladder before you walk under it, they might drop something on your head. Nothing to do with luck, but it's easier and faster to say "don't walk under ladders" ( which gets shortened to "ladders are unlucky"), than it is to say "Take the time to check if the ladder is in use, and is properly fastened or braced before walking under it."

In the same way, it's easier to say "don't date a neighbor or coworker," than it is to say " completely assess the risks, and get to know the person thoroughly so as not to endanger your employment or the peace of your home life before risking trying to get serious with someone that you will have to deal with every day, should things become problematic. And just because YOU are excellent at adjusting yourself emotionally to a post-dating configuration, doesn't mean that the person you take the risk with will be."

People are conservative at heart when it comes to consequences to themselves (we need more prisons! we need more halfway houses! we need more airports! we need to house the homeless!....just not near me, or NIMBY as George Carlin called it).

People are natural financiers when it comes to doing subconscious ROI's and ROE'S and cost benefit analysis on emotional or personal gratification vs. harm/risk/cost/consequences.

When you present a hypothetical people tend to either focus on the positive rewards or the negative costs (what do I get? How much will it cost?).

If the positive rewards are the same among alternatives, then the negative costs are of more importance, especially if they're different.

With the dating hypothetical you can potentially get the same reward from anyone you date. You can date someone from miles away, or your next door neighbor. The potential reward is the same so it's not as important a factor in the choice of dating.

The potential risks and costs are different, though, so become the main focus of the decision.
You date someone far away, it fails, out of sight out of mind (from your perspective, and theirs).
You date someone close, it fails, always in sight, always in mind, ease of access to you, and greater potential for conflict compared to someone distant.

Of course you should be mindful of the audience you are asking.
You are asking a lot of people that are safe behind their keyboards.
Is the term "keyboard warriors?"
They are going to answer most vehemently that you should keep things distant.
It's why they're here. That's pretty much the philosophy of their life.

Other than that, you are asking people that probably experienced what you are asking about, and they are just transferring their experience to you.

igor thanks. that is what i was looking for though it was not as much a case of misunderstanding as questioning the norm.

ciretom while i don't usually agree with your views this one actually helps.

i was taught at an early age to think outside the box and take everything as the individual experiences they are. so i ask what and when i do to encourage the same kind of thinking.

Amen you do
Its a good thing you do because it helps one to look at things differently and more openly.
Not all thing are black and white aye Eric ?

To be honest I still talk to one of my ex b/f on a regular bases and as well as my ex hubby that lives 10 blocks from me.. Even though I talk to them I would not want them to live next door to me just uncomfortable. Even my ex b/f I still go eat lunch with him once in a while and he calls to check on me..Don't have a problem with being civil.... But if your really friendly with a ex it is hard for the next one to think there is not more going on, it just get complicated.. I'm civil to exes but not buddy buddy~~

Why does dating end badly? For me, a guy doesn't talk to me. He disappears and doesn't say anything.

Why does dating end badly? For me, a guy doesn't talk to me. He disappears and doesn't say anything.

I would like to approach this post as a "date" meaning still getting to know period.
1st date, 2nd date & so on.. no relationship yet whatsoever-

"what's with dating alway's ends badly?"

For me, Lack of Sportsmanship & unwillingness to let go.

I know this sounds bad, but to be upfront,
& this is just my experience in the real world,
it may not be the same with other women
it is always the men who were not
given the chance to date me,
that treats me so bad,
that I will also use the word
"disaster & feud",
I am torn between relief that I have
not actually dated them & a nagging
feeling that, had I have given them
a chance to date me, would they really
not be this bad at sportsmanship?



1.setting of wrong expectations
leads to conflict rather than friendship.

I really do not like trial & errors
when it comes to love, so if the man is not
serious & has other priorities, I prefer
not to waste his time & my time.

That is why even in Mingle, if u get past
through my filters and my response
to the poem or song u have instant messaged me is
a cold "thank u for reading my posts in the forum.
all the best. Live well"
it means I have read all your posts in the forum
and I surmised we are not compatible.
I use my best judgement to stay away from
u because I do not want to waste your time
& my time in getting to know u
and ruin your chances of dating someone else.

It's up to the man how he interprets &
reacts to my upfront response,
if it is disaster or moving on peacefully.


2.giving in to outside pressure &
& my unwillingness to justify oneself.

While it is okay for me to justify myself
from time to time in the forum & show my
vulnerabilities, that is because
I am very aware that I am thousands of miles
away from everyone & I am relatively safe.

but

I refuse to justify myself to a man
I dine with, have a good conversation with,
shared laughter & good music with,
if he folded on me because of outside pressure.
I would always surmise, he is not the one
for me. He cannot lead me.

It's up to the man how he will
treat me after, once he knew that
he had given in to outside pressure.
If he is a good sport or really bad at sportsmanship.

3.Inability to accept that no matter
how suitable u are to each other,
if love & chemistry is non existent,
it will not work out between u two.

I have no precedence of this in Mingle yet,
since, I still have not tried,
but in the real world,
inability to accept that u are not meant for
each other is really hard and it needs time.
Not being reminded of each other
everyday is really one of the best
course of action, to get it over with.

Prevailing attitude in this part is
keeping my distance, allowing time
to let both of us know, that it is for the best.

I'm sorry Cat I don't know why men are like that.
I don't know what goes on in their heads.
Who can understand a man ?
Good luck trying and they think we are confusing?