I know what I'm about to lay down here may seem weird..lol..
Especially when most people are trying to find someone.. either to get remarried to or settle down with.. or have them in their life full time..... but for myself..
I don't want any of the above... what I would like is someone to go for dinner with from time to time.. catch a movie... enjoy a nice stroll in the park..
And of course have crazy monkey sex with.... what I don't want is clingy needy.. have to text you every morning afternoon and evening..
Spend the whole weekend with you including the evenings....((no)).lol..
But I find most women want..
Someone full time.. sure some of them say I want what you want.. I say okay but I warn you do not fall in love with me..no! no!... they say no problem..lol.. but sure enough a month later they start demanding to spend more time together... thay even try to clear out a drawer in the dresser drawer just for me...awww.. ... which I have to then say.. but but baby.. I thought we are just going to keep things casual..?. And they say yes but I just want more of you full time... so I'm just wondering... why is it so hard to keep things casual. .. for any length of time.. longer than let's say!! two weeks..lol.. ...

So basically all you want is a Friends with Benefit. Maybe that is what you need to tell them you are looking for and find someone that wants the same thing..

Nothing wrong if you are up front and they know that from the beginning..

Casual dating can and normally does go a bit farther once two get to know each other...

Where the Friends with Benefit remains normally nothing but go places once in a while together paying your own way and just sex..

There are people out there that will do that and fine with it.. Just have to be honest right out front.. Then there is never a guarantee they will not have feelings mess it up in the end..

Erm ... because men and women are wired differently ...
And if things are really absolutely great, they do get attached, they do fall in love, they do want to be together. It's a natural thing to want to be with someone you care deeply about and/or love.
I think there's only a few women who'd want to settle for LAT relationship, but even that would mean a commitment.
And even fewer who'd be okay with what you want.
I'm not sure if you think you want this for the rest of your life or only till your kids have left the nest, or till something else has been reached / achieved or whatever.
I DO know there have been quite a few men who've felt the same way you do, and who DID miraculously fall for a woman. So the entire time they said they didn't want a commitment/relationship, they apparently simply weren't ready yet and/or hadn't met the right girl yet. I think a combination of both.

I also think there's many men like you, who do not want to settle down, just want to have the icing on the cake, not the cake.

Mankind may be doomed ... Men and women seem to be on different tracks these days.

Summarized ... you'll probably won't find what you want, because deep down in their hearts most every woman wants to settle down. Whether it's LAT (what I hear more and more these days, but it's still a normal commitment) or a living-together relationship.

But yet you married him..lol...
See as soon as they start heading down that road.. that's about the time I start heading down the road..lol

Ok.but.. I always thought friends with benefits.. was when two people just have sex together and nothing else..

I want more than that!.. okay I still want the sex part..lol.. just not all the heavy when are we getting married come meet my parents... this relationship needs to be going somewhere..nooooo..lol... the thing is I'm a busy person.. yes I know I'm on here a lot I get it.. ..
But truly between my household duties raising my boys my revenue properties my work.. doesn't leave me with a lot of time to cultivate a relationship... perhaps just a busy professional woman would do.. someone in the same boat.... okay but she can't have children living at home..
Because we're going to have to have the crazy monkey sex at her house.. my boys are always home..lol....

.. it just seems like every woman I date its the same thing.. things start off really well.. dinners.. movies.. hanging out together.. and yes the crazy monkey sex.... right when I think it is perfect.... they started with the.. what are you doing on this ,weekend ..can you come over this evening... and my friends are having a barbecue next Mon.. and I have a corporate event I would love for you to go to with me...
And I was thinking it would be nice if we could go to Mexico next month.... and are we going to spend Christmas together....omg..stop.... how about we just go see a movie this weekend and go from there..lol..

Nah, I'm with you.

When I was dating my first hubby, I thought things
were going along just fine, then one day he asked
me to marry him.

I threw up on both of us.

And it wasn't a fun hurl, it wouldn't stop, I swear
my body heard those words before my brain did.

Took me a bit to come to terms with it.

two choices....


1) blatantly advertise for fwb



2) don't run just slow it down to where you can handle it

That is when they subtly let you know
they will be moving on if the answer is no.

Ok.. I tried the slowing it down thing.. I'm usually not the one speeding things up ... I even say to them okay I understand you may want more full time.. so perhaps that's what you should be looking for.wink wink...
Because I can't really do that! but I like what we have going on right now.. it's comfortable casual and nice...
To which they usually say..ohh.. yes baby it is nice don't get me wrong I really enjoy everything we have going on..it's just that I really like you... and I would like us to start looking towards the future...... to which I say..but but.... baby I thought we were happy living in the moment.. I thought you liked the way things were.. you know I'm really busy and I give you as much time as I can possibly give you... and you know I care deeply for you.... its just I don't want to fold my life into someone elses right now ...

. Now usually after this^^ happens..lol.
It doesn't take long for things to start to fall apart... and for the life of me I can't figure out why..lmao.. just so hard to keep casual casual

Well it also all depends on what both want.. Friends with Benefits can be friends that go places and sex.. And that is it..

There is nothing wrong with it as long as your honest and that is what they want..

Myself I want the relationship but want them to have their place and me have mine but only see each other.. I like my time way to much to live with anyone for now.. But then I still want the phone calls, texting ect.. I want to know they want to be with me for more then just sex and to go a few places.. once in a while..

Keep looking you will find one that is good with what you want..

..ohh monkey on monkey sex.. like your way of thinking..lol.. hey you.. nice to see you're back in action

..yes.. what you want is similar to what I want.. you both have your own separate space.. it just you want more cuddling then I do..lol

Lol.. well of course I have a whole list of questions and rules that must be followed..lol..
I'm always upfront about my attentions....
I tell them don't fall in love with me.... I'm just no good baby..lol..
. But seriously I lay out very clearly..
What they can expect from dating me..
Apart from the great monkey sex that is.. that usually goes without saying..lol

Here is your simple answer. You are trying to get someone to do something that most people are not wired to do. It doesn't matter which way the relationship starts. The great majority of women cannot keep their heart out of it. You may even be perceived as cold-hearted because you can. I'm speaking from, been there and done that.

When you get right down to it, you're hurting people. The great majority of women want a man that they feel close to. Connected. What it is, they start feeling connected to you. When that feeling starts, they find themselves wanting more. And you not willing, or can't give it, They start feeling used, abused and heartbroken. You wind up hurting them.

If this is the way you wish to live your life, you should find a cold hearted woman that doesn't give a d.a.m.n whether you come or go. That way you will not have to worry about hurting a woman that doesn't deserve it.

I'm not trying to be an a-hole here. I'm just laying it out there the way I know it is. From experience. When you get right down to it, you just want a warm body that will give up the booty for you. It's out there. I found it once several years ago after my divorce. In the end, you will wind up feeling empty.

you want a woman that has no kids
that understands that you do
and they take center stage in your life

you want a woman that is free to run out an do things
around your schedule
but she is not to ask you do things with her
like socialize with her friends or coworkers

you want a woman that has her own career and takes care of herself
though you don't mind paying for dinner and a movie

you want a woman that enjoys sexual intimacy with you
but does not expect that to include any emotional element
now or anytime in the future


you want a woman that is not clingy and does not expect you to call very much

you want a woman that fulfills your needs

seems like I commented on this particular hypothetical of yours before

Until you get to the Champagne room....

Ok.. I already married the cold hearted one...lol.. and I don't see that I'm really hurting. Them. I do make myself quite clear at the beginning of each relationship..
I let them know I'm not looking to fold my life into their life.. I'm not looking for one night stand or just for a booty call.. I can get that without being in a relationship..lol... I just want some female companionship.... without all the drama... you would think that would be easy to accomplish...lol.. I have a friend that is dating a married woman.. yes I know he is such a bastard..lol.. but when he talks about their relationship.. I think to myself yes this would do for me nicely.. she's not looking to fall in love even though she has fallen in love with him.. go figure that out.. but she can't spend a lot of time with him.. and she doesn't seem needy or clingy..
Because she can be that with her husband at home.... the problem is I do not want to date a married woman who just wants to escape the mundane from her husband..no...

.... I don't know! dating multiple women isn't the answer either..it just gets really tiring..lol.. and trying to keep who is who straight, is exhausting.. not to mention the crazy amount of monkey sex.. now that is just exhausting.

.... yes you could be on to something! just stick with strippers..lol

you want to keep your world separate NO1

your job, your home, your kids, your life

in fact, you state that having sex will be at her place only

you want someone more than just to sleep with
I got that part of it

you want a girlfriend or a lady friend that you can talk to, go out to dinner with, enjoy each other's company but not have any feelings for

beyond perhaps fondness but even that is never at a level that you cannot turn and walk away from at any time


at this point in your life this seems " less messy"

I will pose a question for you to mull over



do you always foresee this to be what you want in the future? After the boys are grown?

I knew someone once who used to brag about all the women he slept with
and how young and beautiful they were
in fact, so much so that he was referred to as the "Myth"

he had been married for a good many years once upon a time
a good husband and father, a good provider, who tried very hard for his family and his wife was not a happy person and no amount of trying to make things better for her ever worked, nothing was ever good enough

after the divorce he hit the gym, hit the nightclubs and bars and never looked back

I asked him once if he was happy
he said he was friggin miserable
that all the faces blend together
and he would give it up for someone that truly cared for him
but that he was deathly afraid
that at this point
he was unable to truly care for anyone

No T.. not center stage.. I don't mind if they have children but I would prefer if they didn't...hmm.. just received your next post....hmm.. very insightful.... so what does that make me?.. if what you just said we're to be true.. not saying that it is.. ..
. I can almost feel you running around in my brain... almost