He says I'm a nice person with a good heart, loving and understanding but he wants to break up because he doesn't want to hurt me since he is not ready to settle down. He still wants to friends and he keeps calling to check up on me. I don't understand!

He just wants to be friends and cares. Keep it at that

run....run....run..
but that's nmy opinion.

translated: I don't want to hurt you, and i want to break up, because im not ready to settle down = "I have someone else I'm more interested in right now, so I'm going to break it off with you to pursue that"


I want to keep calling and checking in on you = "I want to keep some connection with you incase it doesn't work out with this new person I can still come back to you"


if you don't believe me next time he "checks in, say you have a new boyfriend and watch how fast he either tries to make up, or stops calling"

He is being honest with you!
Let that wee bird fly free, and start checking out other nests.

He wants a friend with benefits. :)

Why do you have to?

What do you want?

Seems you can have everything but him...are you going to sit around and focus on what you can't have, or go out and get what you can?

Unfortunately, I agree with Isaac. I would try his last suggestion.

not in love with you but cares still

More than one possibility.

One that I have often witnessed, which has not been listed so far, is that he wants to think of himself as a serious "player" in the world, wants to keep you on the hook, AND wants you to simply accept that he IS going to sleep with every single woman he can sucker into it.

The pretended caring about you is a trick to make you think he cares, while actually he only cares that you continue to worship him.

If this is what he's actually doing, it will be hard to tell by simple tricks. Telling a "player" that you are now in a serious relationship with someone else, will only result in the 'player' putting on a serious voice and face, and say something like

" I want only the best for you. I wish you all the good fortune with him. Just please remember that I am here for you, now and forever, should he let you down. So stay in touch, and tell me everything you do."

The real reason to get you to keep on reporting in to him, is so that he feels in control of you, and so that you continue to do at least THIS thing that he tells you to do.

Cut your loses and move on
You deserve more

Wow, Igor...this is freakin SCARY! Unfortunately, this may be his desire as well.


I am certainly learning LOTS of things that a single Gal should know.....thanx peeps

perhaps at the beginning he was searching a physical relationship.. But the more he saw you the more his feelings developed for you.. And realizing what a beautiful and nice person you truly are.. And knowing he was just in it for something physical.. now wants to break things off.. Because he knows the end game is only going to hurt you even more than it does now.. it is hard to disconnect the heart from the physical sometime.. Even though at the beginning you think it is possible.. But somewhere along the line your heart takes over.. and when this happens you realize you must now do the right thing.. as painful as it might be to say goodbye now before things get too serious.. It is better now then later.. and now he checks up on you because he feels guilty even beginning a relationship he could not finish.. but hey what do I know I'm a heartless bastard lol

This ^^^^ was a nice post of yours, No1. If this scenario would be right, why leaving somebody for whome you developed feelings? Just trying to comprehend that why not stay and let go searching only for a physical relationship?

.. yes why leave when you start developing feelings.. as others have posted there are many reasons..
a lot of the most common ones are..
they like you but you don't have everything they are looking for..
.. they are seeking only physical.
they are cheating on someone..
they want to stay free and single and not getting tied down by a serious relationship.. this is a common one..
you think you can have a part-time relationship.. but then it becomes more serious.. now you have to decide do I stay somewhat single not in a serious committed loving relationship..
or do I let my heart lead and give myself completely to this new person..
for a lot of newly single people this is the dilemma

If a person is developing feelings for someone, it is very cowardly not to take the next step and to deny both parties a chance at true love, which comes along once in forever.

fear then, from commitment, from losing control, from losing your freedom, from possibility of failure
or selfcentrism - you are good but not enough for me, still I don�t want to lose you because I know you are good. Still I feel fear in that
thank you

.. you my dear are truly a romantic... But real life is not a fairytale or a romance novel yes

You married for love. Was that a fairy tale?

I married because I was young dumb and full of c**.. and she had lots of money lol JK.. ask yourself this a lot of people that were married and now divorce say they will never marry again why is that

I agree because in time the fear of rejection or being heartbroken will pass with the right person, when someone see's how much they are loved.

never let love pass you by is my moto.

if you do and then it's to late, that's heartbreaking.