You seem to wear both roles well, Ms. Kit. This is pretty cool. It's obvious that you're both Ambassador as well as practitioner. If that's too clinical, I goofed. No offense.

The point, I guess is one of growth. You were mentored, you pursued your interests, you lived a life that's not 'common.' Then, you graduated to a position of 'authority' as Mentor and advisor to others in and out of the lifestyle.

Is what you've shared a 'normal' progression? Is it representative of what many/some/any of the folks who choose this path do? I guess in other terms you might have become an 'Elder.' (Ack! Put the shoe down. You know what I meant. )

And I'm wondering, hard now, about your thoughts on where the strength of this sort of relationship lies. Earlier, I said something about 'without bottoms, Tops couldn't exist.' How often do submissives become like you?

I love being both Dom.and or Sub.. .I efficiently move between both roles

The pool just keeps gettin' deeper.

You seem to wear both roles well, Ms. Kit. This is pretty cool. It's obvious that you're both Ambassador as well as practitioner.
If that's too clinical, I goofed. No offense.

No offense taken believe me , I thank you for the compliment , I think its cool too how I emerged from a shy girl to one with enough confidence in the knowledge I retained to pass it on to others , to smoothen their path , as others did for me .

The point, I guess is one of growth. You were mentored, you pursued your interests,
you lived a life that's not 'common.' Then, you graduated to a position of 'authority' as Mentor and advisor to others in and out of the lifestyle.

I think everyone regardless of lifestyle has a Dominant demeanor, some of us raise kids on our own , are in charge of the bills, house, work details, but yet soft and sensual to our husbands/wives/children .

Its like you said , its a growth we have , inside, we think we can , but have doubts till someone who can notice it and say *hey kid you have potential* it begins with confidence being built up by someone who knows what they speak off and you also admireing that person for who they are and represent.

Is what you've shared a 'normal' progression? Is it
representative of what many/some/any of the folks who choose this path do? I guess in other terms you might have become an 'Elder.' (Ack! Put the shoe down. You know what I meant. wink )


Smiles , if I was *Old Guard* I would be considered and Elder..Old Guard are the people who began BDSM was a form of it where now I think if Old Guards saw it as it has evolved, they would be disappointed, on how the media has ruined the lifestyle made it look like degradation , humiliation, and abuse towards women .

Not all people in the lifestyle enjoy sharing knowledge as I do some because they are not *allowed too* due to their Dynamics in a relationships, or some don't care about new people coming in , something *hey I learned on my own so can they* or they lack the confidence or knowledge about certain aspects to actually share and educate others

I'm wondering, hard now, about your thoughts on where the strength of
this sort of relationship lies. Earlier, I said something about 'without bottoms, Tops couldn't exist.' How often do submissives become like you?

I think it all depends where the thoughts of the person are, who and what they know, and their roles I don't like to use labels , but I've also heard it over and over , A Dominant etc without a submissive,slave,etc is like a painter with no canvas , we as subservient are the canvases for our Tops, Dom/mes use not abuse but use to be who they are,, I myself can be submissive to a man who I know is a good Dominant for me, and I wont even think of being a Top or Mentor otherwise Topping from the bottom , I know my role when I enter a relationship once we have set the particulars, this is why communication is very important to the relationship ,

Not all become like me,, some are happy just to submit , have no other thoughts, but then there are some , who evolve like I do , feeling theres something else to go with this more to learn ,explore.. and if it doesnt feel right.. you can always go back to being submissive/slave etc.

I doubt it would be defined as such but when I was a single head of household/business owner and re-married to a military commander we often took on roles as dominant/submissive in many areas of our life; including the bedroom. Why because sometimes it is nice to step away from what ever your day was and let the other person enjoy the opposing role sometimes that particular lifestyle required it. It takes a great deal of trust but if you are lucky enough to get someone who doesn't abuse either role it can be quite workable and fun. I think I would find some of it a bit over the top but then I can't say I have read the book or need props to float my boat. lol

Dakota Johnson never signs the contract in the movie. Don't ask how I know that.

Smiles Pacific Star

what you did then is what a lot still do now keep it to the bedroom , and thats fine,, and they don't use props :) , and then they meet someone like me , who carries bdsm out into the public, without the public even knowing its happening , or walking into a dollar store and taking something from there and *changing its use to suit the lifestyle .. or walking into a adult shop and telling them their floggers or whips are defective lol .

Only because most props used now by kinksters are hand made by craftsmen that sell them at our events , and we can tell whats good or not lol , sorta embaresses store managers , but hey I wouldnt used a a flogger if I knew it would cause harm to who I play with .

A few months ago I was getting emails from a young lady...she wanted me to be a daddy dom....
well needless to say....I was not in a position to accept that role...
but Google was an eye opener...

no she did not sign He called the contract redundant , but yet he still treated her as if the contract was signed.. till she questions him why he wanted to punish her regardless ,,, by rights she could of left anytime , but she didn't, prob because she liked it , and maybe she thought he would change,, so she can sleep with him, make love instead of f**ing, touch him be a normal couple . when she saw what He really can be like

till she finds out why .,, and she finds the strength to say NO Stop! lol yes I have the movie :)

Usually you pay double for that kind of action......in Vegas.

I never had a relationship like that but I do wonder what it would be like to experience both dom and sub or if a person is just defined by one choice?

I've known this woman online who was truly submissive to her life partner and Master, but she was a Domme to others. She was a switch.

I've also seen a married couple, him the D, with a 3rd party, a male submissive/slave. She got to play with him, within the limits set by her / their Master. So a sub with a sub.
Must admit that was the most exciting thing I've ever seen in a club!

Just would like to stress that a BDSM relationship does not mean you have sex with others, or that your relationship is 'poly'.
Like vanilla (non BDSM people) can fantasize about a threesome and/or be involved in them, BDSM people can have the same cravings.
But BDSM does not equal a gang bang nor does it mean sex with others by default.
The stories told above could give the wrong impression and there are enough 'wrong impressions' concerning the BDSM realms as it is.

Would also like to add that a BDSM relationship requires an awful lot of trust and respect. More so than a vanilla relationship. In a way you get to know each other on a far deeper level than most vanilla couples.

Good Morning everyone,, I agree with Crystal Fairy

never did I once mention bdsm was about sex... only quoted from the movie *50 Shades* that some of Mr G did wasnt all how its done in relationships just beginning ., I would of called Red meaning Stop its done., or at the end of of the evening we would have a talk about what has happened and see if things can be set to correct why I said Red *safe word*

Crystal Fairy has many good points :) as I said the media has turned bdsm into a sex show ..wouldn't believe how many people think having sex is at the top of our agenda ..totally wrong..and they get genuinely pissed at us because we don't *put out* as nilla people say .

When I was in a *poly* relationship I did not have sex with my Master , His wife was there for that , I was just a pleased and content, being part of their life, learning, exploring , expanding limits, living a regular life as well , but I wore and felt subtle hints,gesture from Him when out i public, to keep me in check I was His little girl/pet/submissive.