BDSM is a variety of erotic practices involving dominance and submission, roleplaying, restraint, and other interpersonal dynamics





wanna know how I know? because we study this in psychology
wanna know why? because sometimes ..this becomes a neurotic need to be dominated by another person even if that person is abusive
or a psychopathy tendency used as means of oppression, abuse and violence towards another human being

Dom/sub, is but a mere facet

Thanks, Ms. T. Appreciate the info.

I'm still curious as to whether D/s and the sexual aspects which can be derived from that are separable.

The reason for that is I'm pretty sure I have seen the separation. I'm not young and to top it off grew up with my grandparents. There were very distinct D/s aspects (as I look back on it now) in their relationship and those of other adults that I knew in that time.

I'm wondering if D/s is not a cultural thing and the BDSM that evolved is a variation on the theme or a benign (or not?) mutation or whatever.

I don't know much about this and it's pretty interesting.

With kids it may get tricky. I think many seek to play in clubs when kids are younger? It's a bit tricky if a kid starts to cry for mom and dad will have to untie her first, get the gag out of her mouth etc etc.
And you certainly don't want your kids to barge into the room, lol.

Subs are often ppl that have a dominant role in normal life, i.e. a director of a company. Doms are often ppl who don't have a dominant role in day to day life.

I have had such a relationship for a while, would like to have one again. (Doesn't make it easier to find a partner).
A normal vanilla relationship, so 100% lovy dovy stuff, is just not for me.
I don't want a 24/7 D/s relationship, but more than 'in the bedroom' only.
I love how interaction can suddenly change when feelings come up and you can slip into that part of the relationship. I like getting cheeky, testing my D's limits And when I'm in that mood, I am a royal pain in the neck

But again, that doesn't make finding the right partner any easier, cos not only do you need to click with the normal stuff, but also with the BDSM wishes and desires.

I never really took interest in the sadism masochism lifestyle because it seemed to revolve a lot around pain,,,,

but, one could certainly include the sadism masochism lifestyle if they would consider that one person is dominant and one is submissive

but it seems more like the s/m is for parties who enjoy pain,,


I do not enjoy pain but I accept certain types of pain as instruction and discipline to be better capable and prepared for life

the dom sub which includes pre determined boundaries was always of particular interest, to me anyhow

some would make the argument that it's popularity is the result of women's lib but that is not accurate since this particular relationship dynamic has been the so called dominant one in this society for a lot longer than that.


yes most of time it is the male being dominant and female submissive

but not always..sometimes those roles are reversed
I can discuss this from an educational or clinical point of view only
I do not partake of the lifestyle

oh there is that whole dopamine connection thing also going on
between the centers of pain/pleasure in brain
brought on by heightened state of arousal also

all responses are interesting, thanx

I have errands to run but Id love to read more when I get back later, please keep it going and don't think I have abandoned the thread

ty for the discussion, its pretty awesome

...of? What did you mean, RockGnome? Relationships in general or was there something more specific? I really am all but clueless about this subject.

All I will say is that I have experienced it.....might explain why I am a deviant.

In the context of the "BDSM" and fetish worlds.
There are many facets.

Hi from welland

I've been in the lifestyle 17 yrs I love it I began as a submissive, was owned,, in a poly relationship , I have kids when I began they were 14, 16 , they were curious about my lifestyle , and of course worried, *meeting people online * I assured them I was safe, explained to them how we meet in safe places . I have Topped a few times,, so basically I can switch .

I introduced them to my Mentors, and finally to the Man I called Master..I never did anything to scare them , I'm naturally subservient,, so getting my Master a coffee or a pillow, or sitting on the floor wasn't out of context for them to see.

later in time my kids did ask me what does it involved,,I was sure then they would understand and I spoke to them in detail what happens in some Dynamics..also showed them the site I am on now .. and parties I attend ..my daughter she is my safe call

Wonderful! Wholly unexpected glimpse into the family dynamics that Crystal alluded to.

You mentioned switching roles. Common exploration? Change of pace? Curiousity? What led to that?

smiles when I was owned , I helped Him Top His wife/ my sister at a party, I think He saw potential but as i was his submissive also .

He asked me if I wanted to Top Him ..We had a discussion a few weeks back of how He became..He was a submissive to a woman His mother knew . for about 15 yrs ,, she also saw He had potential of being a Dom,, and she taught Him.

So when He asked me , without hesitation I said * Yes Sir* with a big smile on my face.

Thats where I got confidence I could give to someone what I was taught and done to me.

My first Topping experience was in welland at one of our events I loved it :)

This thread has a mix of folks with experience from much to none. Knowing the life as you do, what are the important things to learn about this lifestyle choice?

You wouldn't mind putting on your teacher's guise for a minute or two, would you, Ms. K? Imagine for a second a classroom full of impressionable minds. How would you choose to move this topic along? Where would it go?

Thats hard to say, because everyone's perspective, and choices are differ, from what I experienced, learned, watched happen over the yrs, the BDSM community are close nit in some cities, and some don't care depends who you click with I guess, take care of their own if asked,

They don't tolerate a lot of things , again its to whom you are. and what you want to do in this lifestyle.

Cheating on your spouse is not tolerated by some.. some don't care
breaking Portical , rules at some events , you get banned, other events they dont care, there isn't any protocol or rules per say

Ive witness a lot of new people coming in thinking submission to anyone and everyone is mandatory ,, B.S I advise the new people if that person has no claim on you, total stranger, nothing has been said between you but a meer hello , they have no right what so ever to order, or place any commands on you .

we stress safe calls , meeting in coffee places, malls, and absolutely NO going to their car, or home, or a walk in the woods alone on the firsts few meets.. there has been some who did this, no safe call ,, and were raped... nothing was done because they are afraid to go to the police .

I myself last week had a talk with our law enforcement about our lifestyle , what can they do if called to a house where a call has been made due to screams .. they said nothing,, as long as the person in question consented to it and theres no blood or broken limbs.

if something does happen *rape* there is a special task force to talk too ,,understanding our lifestyle .

We get so many so call Doms coming in and saying bluntly if you dont get on your knees your not a submissive again B.S they are using their dominant personalities to control , for their own satisfaction,, or they come in as a easy way to get laid..unfortunately they find out later..they are not getting laid but refused a lot since BDSM is not about sex, but sensual, exchange of power of control of a persons mind, body and soul... sometimes their bank account lol jk ... really no Im not..Ive seen it where a subservient person did that.. not good .

Wow. Ok, let's pursue this some. You've painted a picture that essentially describes 'scenes.' You've also mentioned that you lived this life - is it ok to assume that that was more a 24/7 lifestyle?

What are the differences, in your opinion?

I have other questions along this line but I'd like to hear your 'unguided' input, first.

To move this topic about would be to ask questions , anything, no question is dumb or stupid,since you dont know the answers yet ... have people who are knowledgeable to answers these to the best they can :)

People have to see that what they see in porn movies, magazines , is nothing close , I saw earlier in the posts about * 50 Shades* I watched that move and I thought it was good, but Mr G did do a few things I as a subservient would of told him NO too , because of my experience . byt otherwise is was a good Dom , caring, honest, protector

yes I was 24/7 but I did not live there, again people have different views on 24/7.. He was in control of what I gave or let Him , what I wore to work to a degree , task I had to do and email Him when I wasn't there, I wore a collar to bed, during the day was a chain . when I was there it was as if I was living there and did as I was asked .

I chose to live here in welland , they were in Brampton due to my bills I paid I liked to be independent .

24/7 is what ever people make it to be when Your committed to that person , differs from casual play partners, or just having a Mentor

And that's a second reference to 'Mentor.' What defines that? The picture that created for me was of an 'instructor' for lack of a better term. One with whom you don't have a what? Formal relationship? Or am I off base entirely?

When we asked to be Mentored in certain things, usually is a Dominant or Domme having the best experience in the field were hopping to expand on , learn from . A Teacher.

But you have to watch them as they play on their subjects, take heed of how they pay attention , watch for signs on their subjects, and communicate. thats how I picked my Mentors out and asked if they would teach me .

Again some don't take Mentoring seriously and see it as a way to have their way with a person asking for guidance

I say to ask about a Mentor in question within that communty to see if He is responsible

Some Mentors even take their students as their submissives if they get interested in them and the submissive agrees to be theirs


I had 4 , not all at once but I wanted to learn many aspects of the lifestyle .


Now as a Top or a Mentor I tell people I have taught , its stickly NONsexual, they ask why I say * Did you sleep with your school teachers? they get the point Im making lol