I met a guy at a my summer job a few weeks ago: we are both 22 and we get along well but i'm stuck in a confusing situation.
So we work in the same service in that firm and spend a lot of time together every day, quite logically. He is gentle,a genuine guy, he walks me every evening to my bus stop,sometimes he even makes a detour and takes it with me to keep talking.He knows the area better than me so he also shows me around and we have lunch together very often.He's had flirty gestures (putting his hand on my lower back, when he hugs me goodbye he lingers a bit and has soft eyes,once or twice he even softly kissed my cheek),he compliments me sometimes and he seems caring (the other day he went ou without telling t to buy me coffee as i was tired) etc. We get along well, talk a lot, including about relationships,he never mentionned a girlfriend... but on Friday night as we were leaving work and walking as usual, i asked him what he was gonna do that evening.At first he said he was gonna meet with some friends, but after walking a few more minutes,he confessed to me that he actually had an appointment with his gf to dump her cause he he didn't love her anymore and he needed to have the honesty to do it. I was shocked,he never mentionned her. They've been together 2 years apparently.But still, before meeting her he spent 2 hours with me?What to think of that?Why did he delibarately not mention her, and why dumping her now suddenly?
Do you think I might have stg to do with it, isn't it wrong to "flirt" with a girl while you have a gf, and to tell a girl you've just met you don't love your gf at all anymore before even telling her ?
I'm just really confused and any opinion on that would be welcome. I find him charming and was starting to fall for him, with all his sweet gestures and manners towards me as well as all the time we spend together daily. But I really didn't see that coming...

So, the guy was nice to you, helpful to you,
kind, generous with his time.
And he didn't talk about his love life.

I just don't see the problem.
Seems to me he has been completely honest
and only involving you when the time was right.

hmm, two things that stand out here. One; he had a girlfriend and didn't bother to tell you and two; he lied to you about going out with his friends but was actually going to see his girlfriend. So, he lies and sounds like he was looking around while being in a relationship. Doesn't sound like stellar guy to me.

Sorry, I agree more with soufie and less with the others who've posted.

You live in Alabama; you say you met him at your "summer" job. This leaves the impression he's been doing these nice things for/with you for what...at least 3 months, now?

He started to tell you he was going out with friends and then admitted he's breaking up with his girlfriend of two years.

They're not married; they apparently are not living together. They've been dating and perhaps even exclusively...that's all.

Reads to me like he's been dating her (and not moving forward) for two years. It also reads to me like he's recently realized WHY their relationship hasn't moved forward AND that he's discovered what's been missing which has been making it remain 'stalled' AT that certain point.

Reads to me like he'd like to be able to freely date you, withOUT 'cheating on' or deceiving either of you.



If I liked him, I'd 'go for it'.




Best of luck to you.

I smell a rat.

No one breaks up with a long standing girlfriend on the chance of dating someone else, seems to me it was over anyway and him meeting you probably gave him the push he needed to dump her. You have nothing to feel guilty about, and if you fancy the guy then date him and if you don't then don't, the only reservation I would advise is that because you both work together if your dating him does not work out it could become awkward at work.

Welcome to Mingle2 and good luck in your search.

just how 'genuine' is he when he clearly has been in a relationship the entire time he has been, as you put it, "had flirty gestures", "even softly kissed my cheek", "lingering" touches? don't these things fall into the cheating category? (even if to a small degree.)

sounds to me like he was waiting for something better to come along, so you can take that as a compliment or you can see him as a snake in the grass that has completely deceived this other woman for the last two years. (pretty much up to you.)

i wonder how he explains the time he spends with you to his long time girlfriend?

People "leave" the relationship long before it completely ends. This fellow has shown that he is attracted to you yet he didn't try to date you. He has now come to the place where he is ready to move on which is why he was able to confide in you. He isn't breaking up with her because of you. It is just over...Stop overthinking it. If you like him go out with him.

Yeah; I was thinking the same thing that he was waiting for something better to come along. Why wasn't he upfront about his girlfriend whether the relationship was good or bad. He lacks honesty and he also lied to her about what he was doing that evening. As Metalwing says; "I smell a rat."

I have to agree with this.

you talk about him being genuine and gentle, yet contradict yourself by doubting him and his intentions.

responsibility has equal parts. he is responsible for his share.
yet at the same time, you made spme choices too. I don't know if any of this was an outright lie to you. it doesn't say in your post if you ever asked him if he has a girlfriend. if you did and he denied it, then yes. he's been lying all along.
you made the choice to accept his overtures. could be that you started as friends and then feelings grew more intense.
there are some things that are unclear. only you can decide where things stand.
ive often told one of my friends that if neither has expressed anything more than a casual claim. neither has the right to recriminations.

Ditto.

"Why bring me into this?"

that was a lot to read op ... give him a chance once you know he is free and living alone ... this may have just given him the edge to finally tell her ... and was not good before ... I would not change anything ... except to wait when it is over to have sexual relations with him... if that is what you want to ... and like him enough ... who knows who's place it really is ...hers or his ... u will find that out soon ... if he says he would like to go home with you one night ...

^^^Do you actually expect me to read this WHOLE thing???^^^

lol

Come on girl was the guy suppose to pour out his heart to you?.That would be a bad idea because every guy should be discreet if he want to keep his dignity.Coming to you issue its obvious that the guy likes you,so by all means please dont complicate Cupids job.Everyone needs someone to be with so dont take this for grunted.