my ex was an alcoholic I finally had enough when he nearly killed me. now im single just me and my kids having fun and doing our thing. but now ive been alone for a while I figured out I don't want another man in our lives or around my children, just well for me if you know what I mean, but I feel like its wrong and I shouldn't be with anybody else I still love my ex but mommy needs some loving. how do I move on from an abusive ex?

Not sure what to say really but I just wanted to wish you and the kids well for the future

You still love your ex that nearly killed you? You should probably talk to a therapist about that.

:)

its a complicated emotion you cant be with someone for years and have children together and not feel the love still it would take centuries to stop the love no matter what happened

Try Al-anon.

huh?

Maybe you suffer from a form of Stockholm Syndrom.
I know what you mean. I have been with someone that was so violently
jealous that i had to leave her. I am sure that it is not the same as an alcohol addict. But i sometimes miss her too. Especially when i am trying to date someone. And i meet people that are dissapointing to me.
It helps a lot when you find someone that you want to try to start something new with. Otherwise you just keep reflecting to your past. Which is the impression that you give me. So once you find someone that is really worth your time. Then you start to realise that your ex should belong to your past.

Al-anon is a self-help group for the relatives of alcoholics.
It would permit you to express your feelings within a safe environment and help you deal with the results of living with an alcoholic.

oh lol its ok ive dealt with the " after affects" with all of us its been nearly 3 years since everything. its just I feel guilty for wanting to move on with someone new.

ah thanks for that that is exactly what im feeling its nice to know that im not the only one that feels or has felt like this :)

If you are feeling guilty for no just reason, then you are still dealing with the after-effects.

I don't think its that I think its more of...I was not ever going to be with anyone else but him the father of my kids there was a strong bond there even with all of it. but now I am at the point where I want to be with someone new it kind of feels like im cheating and yes I know that sounds weird lol but that is my mentality I believe or believed now that when you make a commitment to someone your with them and them only. because of the circumstances im now feeling a little guilty for wanting to be with someone new. like some Catholics ( friends of mine) have an inbuilt guilt when they are with someone there not married to because of their faith.

You have moved on ...You divorced him, you have your own place, you have your children...Not wanting another man around your kids is not necessarily a bad thing, in fact many divorced women feel this way...As for still loving your ex, the father of your children, abuse doesn't always kill love, what it does kill is hope...Hang on to that and take your time...Start dating, just keep your dates and your children separate for now...

Also want to wish you the best of the best the next time around ...It takes a strong, well balanced woman to do what you did and I have nothing but respect and admiration for you!...

thank you for that :)

All what Leigh said. And maybe worth looking into a sort of dependency thing. Abusive partners tend to make you emotionally dependent on them. Maybe also financially, mentally and sexually.
So in that sense, it could be like Stockholm's, even if it's just a mild form.
I've had an abusive partner myself, and I know how difficult it is to deal with these things. But I do think the above has a lot to do with it. Basically they twist and warp your emotions, common sense etc etc. Often for years on end.
And yes, it kills hope, but often also your sense of self-esteem, self-worth. Those are the things you can work on. Try to get clear what still ties you to this man (apart from kids). I.e. emotional dependency, sexual or whatever. If you can get that clear, you're half way there.

And yes, starting dating might help, even if it's just to get things clearer. But go easy on yourself. Don't know if you've dated at all since your divorce, but it can be confusing at first when you've been with an abusive partner.

Many healthy divorced women focus on getting their kids raised before looking to hook up into another relationship with any man.

Think of your ex like you would a chitty diaper. Would you put one back on your kid?

that's the thing I don't want another man in my children's life hence the we post