If you gave me her number, I would make sure you two got together.


Good luck!

Oh God No, it wouldn't work for me. She's in your neck of the woods, and I'm in Ohio, so it wouldn't be feasible...lol.
If you feel you should give her an explanation, just tell her that you felt a little awkward about dating your ex's friend. It's truth. Isn't it?

Scoobert.. I do not understand the part about picking up my kids.?.

. but that is the problem.. would my ex care or not care.. and if she did.
oh my god.. the phone system in my city would crash...lol.. but yes it is a very complicated issue.. now I am NOT saying.. if you love A woman are man.. that you should not.. cross oceans.. traverse mountain ranges.
. fight against all odds to be with her..him.
. that is something different..
. this is infatuation..

It's not worth it. I'd move on before you get too invested, and you already have doubts so I don't think it's a good sign going into it. Really think before you do anything this big. Don't you think you deserve better? It's your ex's best friend. Ultimately the choice is yours but I wouldn't peruse anything further.

yes I will have to tell her..
that perhaps in a different place different lifetime.. her and I could have made a go of things..
and how I truly wish things were different.. but she will always be in my thoughts.. and that I am flattered.
that she thought the same..
. but I would not wish..
. for her relationship with my ex.
to change... and that we should just keep this between ourselves..
and never speak of it again..
. but just when we see each other.
smile at one another.. knowing that we each know what were smiling about......hmm.. life sucks sometimes.
thanks again everyone

Was just saying you could casually conversate with your ex while you were dropping or picking up the kids. You know get the vibe of what their relationship-friendship was.

Ohhh. I get you now.. well sometimes she picks them up.. and sometimes I drop them off.....hmm.. but again the more a person thinks about this topic.
the more complicated it becomes..
now if I.. say something to the X.
she may become suspicious..
if you don't say something if she finds out later... there are just too many variables.... now I know my ex well enough... to know she only wants me to be happy...
. but it just does not change how complicated this sort of thing is...
... and honestly I like them both.
and they're pretty good friends from what I understand... so I'll let it be..
. plenty of fish out there... and you my friend... need to start catching some....lol..ttyl... see everyone around the funny farm...
I have to go do my grocery shopping now...hmm.. opportunity to meet somebody new.... talk to you all later..
. but keep discussing the topic..
but change it to would you date a friend's friend...lol

I would tread lightly. Frankly, your kids could get very confused by this. Further, anything you may have done to your ex might be easily shared with the new woman if she inquires. After all, most relationships have a few rocky moments, and they could talk. I'm in no way saying that you could never date the new woman. However, you could talk to her openly about it and just say that you're attracted to her but would like to out of respect for your children's needs and wanting to maintain a good working relationship with your ex for the kids' sake, focus on having a friendship first. If, after several months of friendship only, things are still going well, why not talk to your ex about it? Tell her that you want to coparent the kids as well as possible and appreciate all her efforts as a mom. Ask her if she's dating and how it's going. Ask her if she minds you dating someone she knows, and at first maybe don't say who it is if you can avoid it. Just say you aren't asking permission but you do care about her feelings and wanted to bring it up before taking any action. If she is really upset by it, you might want to tell you you feel you must move on and while you don't want to hurt her, you are friends with one of her friends and want to see where it would go, but tell her you are only friends. Tell you she was so great to you in so many ways and you're sorry it didn't work out but that you just need to move on. Then, quietly, slowly, start to date the new woman. Talk to her plainly now though and see later if you can get your ex-wive's blessing before going on, even though you might go on without it. Just keep a good boundary and don't talk to either woman about the other. Be neutral in your emotions if one of them talks about the other and then change the subject. Leave your kids out of it until at least a year after the divorce and wait to include them until you've dated the new woman for several months past the friendship only period. For what it's worth....

Wow Jenny.. that is great advice..
thank you for sharing....
. and yes I do not try to confuse my children.. I keep them out of my dating life.. yes co parent..hmm.
I am the primary... but again I like all your advice... I don't think I have seen you around the forums.. you should join it more often....

phD, my friend you're right, it's a mell of a hess.

As for me, I gave up looking for the time being and am just living life.


I've done the friend dating an ex thing and vice versa, but it was amongst us guys and was able to talk to friend and got permission from friend before actually going out with the gal. So no real weirdness, plus time had gone by since they were together.

I know it's hard to not over think these situations. Sounds like you ran the best and worst case scenario through your head and have too many doubts on the con side.

With the children in mind I don't know what the ex may pull if spiteful.You do.
People we are really interested in are few and far between. I would go for it on those grounds alone.But I am a tad feisty .

Just go for it! It's not every day you find a connection with someone. What's the point of letting that go just because the person use to date your ex. live in the present

.. well if they used to date my ex... this would be easy..lol..

. but I understand what you mean..
. passion and a connection..
. and I mean you know the person!! and they know you!!.. and you have just only really met... does not come along often.... this would be easy. if it wasn't so complicated... just my rotten luck.. I am new to dating...
. and the one girl in my city.. that I find interesting and feel something for.. is friends with my ex... I can't catch a break..lmao

.. yes my heart says go..
but my brain said wait a minute buddy..
you better think this through....hmm.
so here we are thinking it through..

Hey phD,

There is something freeing about just doing what you really want and saying to heck with what was and denying yourself. If your kids are not young, that is. If you are ok with not caring about what everyone else may think. It may be for you because you can't just walk away. it also may not be because you easily can?

A certain chemistry and how our paths in life cross, can have a deeper purpose. Its up to you. Im sure you'll make the right choice and feel good about it. because you care. period.

I date whomever I choose. end of story.

sweet girl.. that is because you are a warrior..

Hi.. heart..... yes the last part. of your statement that's what I'm talking about.... that instant connection..
and between her and I.. if I may quote the Star Wars .. yes the force is strong with this one...lol..
that is what I'm fearful of losing..
but I also believe if the universe..
wants you to be together.. it will happen no matter what..
just right now the timing isn't right..
. too many of our friends socialize with each other.. and I would not want all the gossip.. I would feel awful if she . had things said about her.. that were not true.....
and my kids are young..

Op just do it......

okay are we talking about a realdoll because I can think of a lot of advice about that.