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Topic: Lowered Expectations
no photo
Sat 05/24/14 01:33 AM

Lowered Expectations


Been there done that. If I don't expect anything (love) I won't be disappointed when I don't get anything (respect) either.


If you don't seem to be able to find a match meeting your criteria, would you consider lowering your standards?


noway

For a man to meet my standards doesn't mean he has to jump through hoops to make me happy. He simply has to show me the same or very similar level of trust and respect that I give him.

Plus he has to be intelligent and empathetic enough to have the ability to read me without a lot of long drawn out conversations on explanations about why, what, where, and whens, etc.

Because... if he doesn't have enough interest in me to be able know me like a book and anticipate my next moves so he can join in with me or lead me into his version of our unity, then I grow bored and uninterested.

Believe it or not in person I'm not a very big talker in a long term relationship which is what I would ultimately strive to have.

I think actions speak louder than words.

And showing someone that I love them is far more revealing of the depth of my feelings than simply saying those 3 words even repeating them several times a day. Words are meaningless if they have no substance to back them up. IMO.

If I lower my standards this late in my life it would make me feel like a complete joke to myself. Like I would be so desperate for company and attention that I would settle for less than I want or am willing to give. And I'm not willing to make a mockery of my life.

Like I said... been there done that... but will never do it again...

jacktrades's photo
Sat 05/24/14 02:08 AM

I don't really like the phrase "lowering my standards" because it implies that some people are "less than" others or "not good enough".

For me it was more about compromising my beliefs or my desires/needs/goals to have a person in my life. Yes, I have compromised. It doesn't work in the long run. At least not for me.

On the plus side, it has been those very relationships that taught me what was truly important to me and helped me see what kind of a relationship I want and need.

I don't know that I will find that relationship. But whether I do or not, I'm happy with my life and I'll be okay either way.



This is right on target for me to. Well said Ruth !

Shy_Emo_chick's photo
Sat 05/24/14 03:08 AM
I'm not after changing anyone. All I ask is that he shows me the same amount of respect, that I show HIM. If he throws it back in my face, I just end up feeling conned. And I can never see them in the same light again, if they hurt my feelings.

Ruth34611's photo
Sat 05/24/14 04:03 PM


I don't really like the phrase "lowering my standards" because it implies that some people are "less than" others or "not good enough".

For me it was more about compromising my beliefs or my desires/needs/goals to have a person in my life. Yes, I have compromised. It doesn't work in the long run. At least not for me.

On the plus side, it has been those very relationships that taught me what was truly important to me and helped me see what kind of a relationship I want and need.

I don't know that I will find that relationship. But whether I do or not, I'm happy with my life and I'll be okay either way.



This is right on target for me to. Well said Ruth !


flowerforyou

Ruth34611's photo
Sat 05/24/14 04:05 PM


I don't really like the phrase "lowering my standards" because it implies that some people are "less than" others or "not good enough".

For me it was more about compromising my beliefs or my desires/needs/goals to have a person in my life. Yes, I have compromised. It doesn't work in the long run. At least not for me.

On the plus side, it has been those very relationships that taught me what was truly important to me and helped me see what kind of a relationship I want and need.

I don't know that I will find that relationship. But whether I do or not, I'm happy with my life and I'll be okay either way.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Best post of the thread.
In my humble opinion.
:thumbsup:


flowerforyou

no photo
Sat 05/24/14 04:21 PM

If you don't seem to be able to find a match meeting your criteria, would you consider lowering your standards?




no. I don;t think my standards are unreasonable in the first place

no photo
Sat 05/24/14 06:38 PM


If you don't seem to be able to find a match meeting your criteria, would you consider lowering your standards?




no. I don;t think my standards are unreasonable in the first place


What are your standards???

Shy_Emo_chick's photo
Sat 05/24/14 07:59 PM
I've noticed how some have a certain chemistry with each other in the forum, but it's as if they don't notice it themselves. That or they're really not into them. I'm not trying to play matchmaker. It's just kind of obvious to me.

Jonnyrebel777's photo
Sat 05/24/14 09:04 PM
A man should never let go his confidence, not only for himself, but for the welfare of his family. Do not lower your standards, by doing so you're only subconsciously letting go of your self respect and confidence. If anything, you should raise your standards, most women are generally wired by their emotions(no offense ladies), and many would agree. If you want something worth having, you will strive to find exactly what you want. If you cannot find a woman that meets your standards, find one who is willing to meet them, don't put all your eggs in one basket, and no, I don't mean talk to more than one woman at a time, I mean don't get attached, give her some time, not too much and not too little, and see if she has what it takes to meet your standards. If she can meet your standards, good deal, if not, tell her straight. Whatever you do, do not ever just tell a woman what they want to hear, be polite, but don't kiss tail. If she doesn't meet your standards, just tell her straight, she may take it well, she may not, regardless- you have weeded out what does not meet the standard and that is what's most important towards finding your happiness. Nobody wants to be miserable. Nobody is perfect....therefore, everyone's perfect for someone, you have to find your definition of perfect, if you just settle, lose confidence, and quit- you're going to find yourself kissing tail and you and your "settled" partner will both just be miserable until somehow the relationship finds it's end, which usually isn't very long with that strategy. I hope this helps you man, hope you find what meets the standard, good hunting, and good luck!!happy

2469nascar's photo
Sat 05/24/14 10:15 PM

I've noticed how some have a certain chemistry with each other in the forum, but it's as if they don't notice it themselves. That or they're really not into them. I'm not trying to play matchmaker. It's just kind of obvious to me.

MariahsFantasy's photo
Sat 05/24/14 10:20 PM
I think to avoid giving up your dignity you have to hold what you believe in and advocate to a high esteem. You can't stop being who you are for anyone.

CindeLLe's photo
Tue 05/27/14 07:19 AM


Expect the unexpected... Lots of craziness here but still you can find rare sensible people here.. So don;t ever give up...

CindeLLe's photo
Tue 05/27/14 07:19 AM


Expect the unexpected... Lots of craziness here but still you can find rare sensible people here.. So don;t ever give up...

no1phD's photo
Tue 05/27/14 07:28 AM
Hmm.. well I'm on a free dating site..
. I camp out by my mailbox..
. I will have a conversation with pretty much anybody..
.. I spend most of my time in a place called the bottomless pit..
Hmm.. how much lower can my standards possibly get..lmao..laugh .
Jk... I have very high standards..
.. but I am flexible.
. I judge each relationship and person... on a first come first serve basis..laugh

willing2's photo
Tue 05/27/14 01:17 PM
I agree.
First served, first comes.

Jerome190's photo
Tue 05/27/14 02:13 PM
No i can't, i will only wait for God's time

CowboyGH's photo
Tue 05/27/14 02:42 PM

If you don't seem to be able to find a match meeting your criteria, would you consider lowering your standards?




Standards? What standards? lol. Why put a limit on who you might be interested in? Why not experience all sides of the world and find who you're looking for not what you're looking for, because if you find who you're looking for eg., the person that makes you smile all the time, have the fuzzy warm feeling inside while you kiss or are held by that person and so much more, then you will have found what you're looking for.

And just fyi for some of you people lol, this is not including anything sexual, we're talking about relationships in general to the best of my understanding.

no photo
Tue 05/27/14 03:02 PM
All men are created equal, TJ

stan_147's photo
Tue 05/27/14 03:06 PM

All men are created equal, TJ


And Sam Colt made them that way. rofl

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