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| Topic: Men may bend the truth, women hide from it. | |
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Let's go back to Valentines' Day 2012. Was dating a woman 25 years my junior for 3 years, then on the most-romantic holiday of the year, she set me up to fail and we ended things pretty much right then and there (though I didn't realize it at the time). And 2 years and 3+ months later, neither she nor any of her confidants have ever told me why: met a guy her own age and/or religion (Jewish), wanted to play the field, wanted to play on her own side of the street (to me, the most-likely scenario)? Why couldn't she tell me what went wrong? Still, after all this time, virtually no closure. Then, this past holiday season, met an age-appropriate woman, visited her over the course of 5 weekends, and on the last visit, after exchanging hugs and kisses and Xmas prezzies, she tells me, "I can't have sex with you and I can't be in a relationship with you". Then had the temerity to tell me she didn't owe me a reason why. In this case, as she warned me from the beginning, I think her love of wine was more important than that of a functional relationship. Lastly, someone I've dated on and off for awhile told me 2 months ago she'd be coming to visit over Memorial Day weekend, then informed me that she just wasn't feelin' it and offered no explanation why. So, tell me, ladies, why can't you just "be cruel to be kind" and actually communicate with us when something is wrong or, worse yet, when it's over and why? Is that so hard? I'm obviously still willing to play the game, but I have serious trust issues now, deservedly so. Any feedback from the distaff side would be welcomed, thank-you. sign me, "Dazed and Confused in the Dez" I only see one common denominator here, you....Being dumped w/o explanation is closure my friend....There are peeps who will not take a hint, will not take no for an answer, will not hesitate to lay on the guilt trips....Maybe you are sending this type of message to the women you date.....I say this because, as you can see from some of the posts, most women have no trouble speaking their mind "when they feel the guy is going (able?) to accept and respect what they say"....If there is doubt about acceptance, many will just walk in order to avoid the angst of someone who refuses to let go.... |
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A study looked at the lying habits of 700 men, aged 18 to 35 has found that 63% have lied about their income to impress their date. More than 50% admitted to exaggerating their career prospects on a date, believing that would make them more appealing to women. Men also tended to stretch the truth when it came to interests, hobbies and their love of sports, pretending to be less into football, for example, than they really were. When it came to exercising themselves, though, men tended to go the other way – pretending to be much more into working out than they were in reality.
And if you think that's worrying, wait till you hear about men had to say about past relationships. Divorces, past break ups and unwholesome behaviour are obviously kept out of the conversation, with some men going as far as saying they've lied. When it comes to discussing their sexual pasts, it seems that females are more prone than males to bending the truth. It's men who have historically been regarded as eager to embellish tales of their exploits to make them seem more, well, manly. Women, it was felt, would be less likely to disclose their past intimacies for fear of being labeled with a scarlet letter. While times have eased the burden men feel about inflating our statistics, an Ohioa State University study has found that women prefer to fib about their sexual behavior. When researchers at the university surveyed 200 18- to 25-year-old undergraduates, they were able to determine that women have a greater proclivity than men to spin their numbers in order to minimize the breadth of their experience. |
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There can be a number of reasons:
1. Because offering an explanation will result in the man wanting to discuss fixing the issue. 2. There is no "one reason". It's a combination of things and she doesn't want to go over them. 3. The chemistry wasn't real/didn't last and she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. 4. She doesn't want to hurt your feelings. If you can't find closure without her giving you a reason you have some work to do on yourself. Yes, it's painful when someone dumps you. Super big ouchie.  But if your ability to get over it and move on with your life depends upon their actions, you're going to suffer a lot in your lifetime.
Stop analyzing their actions and work on changing what you need to change in yourself to attract a better quality person. |
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Your role in this is significant you chose a person 25 years younger, you ignored warnings from another both point you as being unclear in your judgements of others A few sessions with a therapist may help ascertain what role you play in these toxic situations and help you make healthier choices Agreed. OP, by your very own story, you WERE told the reasons, sometimes very early on and still you pursued a relationship. Like MANY people - both men and women - we simply ignore what it is we don't WANT to hear/see/believe and then wonder "What went wrong???" |
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I just got used to my ex girlfriend throwing tantrums and dumping me. Yeah, sometimes I would try to "fix it" and it was like she was doing it to get me to do more to be the sort of boyfriend that she wanted. She said to me that I had to change or that no woman would want me and I tried to learn from it and avoid the same problems with other women. The next girlfriend told me to get over it and to stop comparing her to my ex. She was acting a lot like her though.
I suppose that there are lots of reasons why a woman wouldn't want to talk about it. Some of them are just really moody. Could be that they feel guilty and don't want to be confronted about how they treated you. When I put it to my ex girlfriend that I thought that she was a compulsive liar she said that what I was describing just sounded like a mixed up girl to her. I honestly couldn't keep up with her mood swings and mixed messages. From her point of view though I didn't listen to her and didn't understand her. Same old story about them expecting you to be some sort of "intuitive" mind reader, or just know what to do in order to make them happy and the same probably holds when they dump you and just want you to leave them alone. |
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Edited by
MariahsFantasy
on
Wed 05/21/14 03:19 PM
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Most of us can't handle the truth even though we need it, to move on/get closure. But there's no guarantee we'll get it knowing people
It all comes down to not wanting the other person to get hurt, or worse, not accepting "no" for an answer with rejection If you get let go without an explanation then you weren't good enough to hear the truth, and that is the truth so move on |
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There can be a number of reasons: 1. Because offering an explanation will result in the man wanting to discuss fixing the issue. 2. There is no "one reason". It's a combination of things and she doesn't want to go over them. 3. The chemistry wasn't real/didn't last and she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. 4. She doesn't want to hurt your feelings. If you can't find closure without her giving you a reason you have some work to do on yourself. Yes, it's painful when someone dumps you. Super big ouchie. But if your ability to get over it and move on with your life depends upon their actions, you're going to suffer a lot in your lifetime.
Stop analyzing their actions and work on changing what you need to change in yourself to attract a better quality person.    [[[[[RUTH]]]]] 
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"Strong Enough" by Cher? Maybe? Ok, I'll shut up now. But I'll keep the song blaring in my headphones.
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I only see one common denominator here, you....Being dumped w/o explanation is closure my friend....There are peeps who will not take a hint, will not take no for an answer, will not hesitate to lay on the guilt trips....Maybe you are sending this type of message to the women you date.....I say this because, as you can see from some of the posts, most women have no trouble speaking their mind "when they feel the guy is going (able?) to accept and respect what they say"....If there is doubt about acceptance, many will just walk in order to avoid the angst of someone who refuses to let go.... This what Leigh said. And what Syberarticguy said on page 1. And what someone else said: gender bashing isn't going to help your cause. Might be the reason why things didn't work out. For your information: men do the exact same thing. And last but not least: women are usually subtle with their signals and messages. To us women these aren't subtle at all, we pick them up easily. But most men don't, simply because men & women are wired differently. The way we have to convey messages to men (the male way) usually feels uncomfortable and overly rude to us. Maybe these women did give you many signals and messages and you simply didn't pick up on them. |
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I only see one common denominator here, you....Being dumped w/o explanation is closure my friend....There are peeps who will not take a hint, will not take no for an answer, will not hesitate to lay on the guilt trips....Maybe you are sending this type of message to the women you date.....I say this because, as you can see from some of the posts, most women have no trouble speaking their mind "when they feel the guy is going (able?) to accept and respect what they say"....If there is doubt about acceptance, many will just walk in order to avoid the angst of someone who refuses to let go.... This what Leigh said. And what Syberarticguy said on page 1. And what someone else said: gender bashing isn't going to help your cause. Might be the reason why things didn't work out. For your information: men do the exact same thing. And last but not least: women are usually subtle with their signals and messages. To us women these aren't subtle at all, we pick them up easily. But most men don't, simply because men & women are wired differently. The way we have to convey messages to men (the male way) usually feels uncomfortable and overly rude to us. Maybe these women did give you many signals and messages and you simply didn't pick up on them. MisterCNY, I agree with Leigh and CrystalFairy. Those women you mentioned in your story had cause to get away from you, and perhaps they felt uncomfortable telling you exactly why. Perhaps they thought that you couldn't handle the truth. Regardless of why they dumped you, it is wrong to make a wild generalization about women based on your personal dating experiences. |
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[[[[[RUTH]]]]]
 
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I only see one common denominator here, you....Being dumped w/o explanation is closure my friend....There are peeps who will not take a hint, will not take no for an answer, will not hesitate to lay on the guilt trips....Maybe you are sending this type of message to the women you date.....I say this because, as you can see from some of the posts, most women have no trouble speaking their mind "when they feel the guy is going (able?) to accept and respect what they say"....If there is doubt about acceptance, many will just walk in order to avoid the angst of someone who refuses to let go.... This what Leigh said. And what Syberarticguy said on page 1. And what someone else said: gender bashing isn't going to help your cause. Might be the reason why things didn't work out. For your information: men do the exact same thing. And last but not least: women are usually subtle with their signals and messages. To us women these aren't subtle at all, we pick them up easily. But most men don't, simply because men & women are wired differently. The way we have to convey messages to men (the male way) usually feels uncomfortable and overly rude to us. Maybe these women did give you many signals and messages and you simply didn't pick up on them. MisterCNY, I agree with Leigh and CrystalFairy. Those women you mentioned in your story had cause to get away from you, and perhaps they felt uncomfortable telling you exactly why. Perhaps they thought that you couldn't handle the truth. Regardless of why they dumped you, it is wrong to make a wild generalization about women based on your personal dating experiences. I suddenly feel like hugging an Alf, OMG 
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I just had the same thing happen about a month ago. I was let down but in life these things happen sometimes there is no closure because the other person wants to leave the door open. No worries life happens, love yourself ,and believe in true love and it will all work out. Best wishes to you sir.
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Like I always say.
There's more tuna in the ocean of women. I love fishing and tuna on a bun. |
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Reading from your posts actually helps people a lot. Thanks for sharing your views. This is trully an eye opener for me
 
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Your role in this is significant you chose a person 25 years younger, you ignored warnings from another both point you as being unclear in your judgements of others A few sessions with a therapist may help ascertain what role you play in these toxic situations and help you make healthier choices Agreed. OP, by your very own story, you WERE told the reasons, sometimes very early on and still you pursued a relationship. Like MANY people - both men and women - we simply ignore what it is we don't WANT to hear/see/believe and then wonder "What went wrong???" 
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I only see one common denominator here, you....Being dumped w/o explanation is closure my friend....There are peeps who will not take a hint, will not take no for an answer, will not hesitate to lay on the guilt trips....Maybe you are sending this type of message to the women you date.....I say this because, as you can see from some of the posts, most women have no trouble speaking their mind "when they feel the guy is going (able?) to accept and respect what they say"....If there is doubt about acceptance, many will just walk in order to avoid the angst of someone who refuses to let go.... This what Leigh said. And what Syberarticguy said on page 1. And what someone else said: gender bashing isn't going to help your cause. Might be the reason why things didn't work out. For your information: men do the exact same thing. And last but not least: women are usually subtle with their signals and messages. To us women these aren't subtle at all, we pick them up easily. But most men don't, simply because men & women are wired differently. The way we have to convey messages to men (the male way) usually feels uncomfortable and overly rude to us. Maybe these women did give you many signals and messages and you simply didn't pick up on them. MisterCNY, I agree with Leigh and CrystalFairy. Those women you mentioned in your story had cause to get away from you, and perhaps they felt uncomfortable telling you exactly why. Perhaps they thought that you couldn't handle the truth. Regardless of why they dumped you, it is wrong to make a wild generalization about women based on your personal dating experiences. I suddenly feel like hugging an Alf, OMG
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