#6: The forums are provided for the enjoyment of all members.

#15: If you have a general concern that does not involve a specific member, you may post your question in a civil manner in the "Feedback" or "Help" forums.

By way of adhering to the above listed rule #15, I present the following general questions for a clearer understanding of what we can expect as active and participating Mingle members.

1) Do all members on Mingle have the privilege, right, and/or fair and equal opportunity to create threads for discussions on the forums and have our topics followed as outlined by the OP, and without deviations by other members?

2) Or, do all threads, regardless to context and OP (host) desire to obtain specific feedback automatically become free for all and any divisive opinions that may and can spin the conversations into entirely different veins than the OP originally intends?

3) If each and every topic is fair game to be misdirected and/or taken over and away from the OP, what kind of enjoyment are the members meant to have by hosting conversations on the forum boards?

http://mingle2.com/topic/show/249134
"7) Hijacking a topic by making posts which are off-topic and unrelated to the original post is considered rude. Please try to keep your posts pertinent to the topic at hand. We will allow some leeway in this area, as there is some amount of "topic drift" that occurs in a normal conversation that we will permit. However, members who we feel are continually and intentionally hijacking topics, especially after having been warned by a moderator, may have their posting privileges suspended. We ask all users to do their best to stay on-topic."

I, personally, never lose sight of the fact that the forums are
here to encourage communication among members and NOT for OP's
to run their show, their way. They should not chastise other
members, but rather, file a report so a moderator can look it
over and see if, indeed, they have 'drifted' too far off-topic.

Hope this helps :-)

So all conversations and topics automatically become the domain of the group and its "they who get to the run the show their way" even by excluding the OP from their own conversations?

How is this encouraging communication among members?



What exactly does the first sentence in rule #1 mean?

I understand it to mean that we are not to attack, slam, or insult the OP or other members via their conversations.

Such as, hyjacking threads or another member's personal opinion to deliberately counter (slam and/or insult) and exclude (attack) members whose topics or opinions aren't to the liking of others?

What does the second sentence in rule #1 mean?

How are we discussing the message or topic when we spin it away from its original foundation to create an entirely new conversation that may exclude the messenger and their intended conversation benefit?



Why is rudeness allowed to prevail for the amusement of some at the expense of others?

uh,i'm guilty of most of those things mentioned.....

I'm not pointing fingers at any particular members, because when a really good controversial topic comes along it's so easy for all of us to get caught up in our own way of seeing things, and the excitement of the debate.

That's to be expected, and even enjoyed by those of us who like to stay informed and learn from others views that we might not have thought of otherwise.

What concerns me is what appears to be a majority view is being encouraged on Mingle. And anyone who is different, perhaps looking at things in opposition to the majority, threads are taken over by the majority who think their way of looking at things should be the only ones respected and kept paramount. And the oppositions voice should be squashed or made fun of.

We see this kind of alienating practice in the politics coming out of our governing officials on State and Federal levels everyday.

But this is a dating site, with forums having been created for "all the members to enjoy" their time here interacting and getting to know one another. Differences and all.

So why are these same type of bullying and/or biased agendas being used to subtly offend other members who have just as much right to express their views, and according to the rules, not be slammed, attacked, or hyjacked because of them?

It doesn't make sense to me that rules are in place to make sure "everyone enjoys there participation here", and yet the rules are tossed aside in favor of the majority who quite frankly don't seem to take anything too seriously.

Which is cool if that's the way you see life and your position here on Mingle.

But some of us like to get a little deeper and more serious about some topics for discussion. So why can't we?

Why does everything we say always have to fall in line with the majority or they'll gang up on the threads to make light of what someone is trying to say and freeze them out?

It would be one thing if this was just an occasional occurrence, but I see it happening time and time again as if its the socially accepted code of conduct here and the rules governing this type of behavior don't matter at all.

It's like the majority rules their way or the highway.

It is often a judgment call, how far off-topic
the posting becomes.
We tend to take a hands-off approach if it is
running civilly and has not become personal.

Targeting a member for their opinion is finite,
however. That is always an issue and quickly
sorted.

Some tend to think theirs is the only side of
anything, and attempt to make any topic, their
view of what it should be.

If they are reported (we do not read everything
in the course of a day) we can assess it.

Since this is posted in help section, I will assume my thoughts are welcome....I am posting them with good intentions and the hope that you will find some of my "expression" helpful Athena....Also, I know if this post is breaking a forum rule it will be quickly and effectively addressed by one of our moderators...

It's the internet Athena, it's a public site, it's a free site...People on public sites run the intellectual gamut...Everyone is not the same, hence, everyone is not affected by things in the same way...When you start a thread, it is important to understand this...Mingle forums are about recreation, not work or school, we're not being graded...The Mingle forum 'community' is a place where expression is not only welcome, it is encouraged...If you start a thread with the idea that it is yours to control and direct, you will almost always be disappointed because people are going to express themselves according to how they feel, not how your want or expect them to feel...Mingle forums are very well moderated and I, for one, do not see this preferred treatment you speak of...Do you think there is any possibility that the dissatisfaction you are feeling may be on your end?... Is there any possibility that you are being somewhat territorial about the threads you create?...Once you, or anyone, starts a thread, it becomes open to all the members..Those who want to go deep only need to avoid or go around those who take a more lighthearted approach...And as with any thread, the more participants, the more successful the thread...When someone breaks a rule, report the post and move on...It's a good system and the moderators here are managing it extraordinarily well...

Of course I welcome your input Leigh. Thanks for taking the time to provide it.

I completely understand your explanation that the forums are for recreation.

But also like you inferred, because this is a public forum people are not all on the same page or wavelength.

Which also means to me that people don't always relax and have fun the same way other people do either.

Sometimes what is extremely fun to one person might look like a weird quirk, work or school to another. We're all not wired the same way and therefore the way we enjoy ourselves will be different too.

And this is exactly my point in bringing this subject up.

Regardless to how each of us enjoys communicating, all of our preferences, no matter how weird they may seem, should be respected and not infringed upon by those around us simply because others may want to play at things their own way.

According to Mingle's own rules they know this can be a problem. That's why they created and posted guidelines in the first place.

#7 clearly states that hijacking topics is rude, and although they allow for some leeway they ultimately ask all users to do their best to stay on-topic.

This is a simple matter of respect. Not of control.

An individual starts a thread, hosts a conversation because they want to find other minds to interact with concerning the topic of their choice, or they wouldn't bring it up to begin with.

This isn't a competition.

And yet rather than members who may have their own differing opinions about the topic at hand opening a new thread to spin it in the direction they prefer to take it, they'll hijack the existing conversation and make themselves the focus so that the OP gets left in their dust with nobody of like mind to communicate with once the thread's been usurped.

Well, I've had many, many fun and even serious conversations through the decades with groups of people, online and face to face, and I can assure you that when people interrupt the speaker to change the subject or to in a sense, heckle, they do so to be rude and to let the speaker know their thoughts and opinions are not welcome.

There's a big difference between making a topic interesting by adding a few different flavors along the way, which is always fun when it's done tastefully, than when people deliberately and quickly subvert the OP's topic direction just to be contrary or to show up the OP if they happen not to like them or be their friend and they're just getting their jollies at another's expense.

Not to mention throwing subtle and not so subtle jabs, verbal darts at others opinions or how they go about reaching them, either straight forward or jokingly, that is so not cool.

Like you said, we're all not alike, and the forums are for everyone to have fun, so why would anyone's fun, even if they're an oddball, be allowed to be spoiled just because their idea of recreation and relaxation is different than the group as a whole?

Why?...Because the moderators are not here to babysit posters, they are here to enforce forum rules...There is no rule against interrupting someone's fun...AND fun is subjective Athena...Your expectations are unreasonable....Managing the "quality" of the time you spend in the forums is your responsibility, not the moderators....

Thank you for showing me the error of my thinking.

You're welcome!

true,when certain people get into a Thread,you can't get a Post in edgewise!
They post posts to their Posts!

extremely hard NOT to notice!

Please don't think I'm in any way criticizing how the moderators perform their tasks, Soufie. When I brought this subject up I wasn't thinking about how the moderators handle these issues, I was just sharing my concerns.

Thank you for your consideration of this topic.

As always, warmest regards...

Hi ya Buttercup!!

So you're wanting to start threads on a public forum and not allow anyone who has an opposing view to post in them?

The reason that some of your threads get
hijacked could just be due to the fact that the majority of those who post disagree.

I don't believe I expressed this desire at all. Opposition is what makes ideas come alive. Not all threads are meant to be battle zones and challenged just to encourage conflict or sparring matches though.



When threads have a clear and concise topic indicating what the OP is looking forward to sharing, discussing, hashing out, getting feedback on, and rather than members reciprocating they take over the conversation to stop it in its tracks just so they can advance their own agenda "hijack it by the majority who disagree" this action isn't meant to allow the OP to participate in their own conversations.

Its meant to override the OP's view (position) and is inappropriate conduct according to Mingle's own rules.

I don't make the guidelines here, and if they weren't important there'd be no need for moderators to address them. Even threaten members with disciplinary actions if they aren't adhered too.

Me personally, I've never enjoyed tattling because other kids (bullies) in the sandbox are throwing or kicking grains in my eyes. I prefer for everyone to get along and respect each other's space, playing nicely together or separately, just so long as playtime is drama free.

As noted previously, we are NOT ALL ALIKE, and the majority shouldn't try to force the minority to see or do things their way just because that's how they've always done things. IMO.

WHAT IAM NOT IN CONTROL OF ALL THREADS?