Been married for less than two years to a man I thought I loved very much. I think i still love him bit is getting hard and confusing.

Sex was never hugely important to either of us and with busy lives once or twice a week was enough to keep us happy and satisfied. It was never the major part of our relationship because everything was fine. Now we never have sex. We both wanted to start a family but my husband has no interest in sex. He is never aroused and he is never amorous. He is affectionate and cuddly, however I am so horny all the time because of the lack of sex (its been 3 months since we last had sex) that the platonic touching drives me crazy because i'm so desperate for satisfaction and to feel desired.

We have talked about this a lot together but there isn't much else to say...my husband has seen every specialist there is and they have established that he is perfectly healthy and can find no reason for his lack of sex drive. Six months ago i also found messages on my husbands phone from men and women from a dating site. He says he only chatted and wanted to see if he liked men because he thought that perhaps that was the problem. He said he quickly realised he didn't like talking to other people and was not aroused by any of the conversations. He promised me nothing else happened.

I just wondered if there are other people or there in the same situation that would like to chat and maybe make each other feel a bit better.

never making love after only 2 years of marriage can't be normal , and absolutely is a sign of defect in the relationship .... making love is a natural need , like the need for food and water , you can't quit eating for 3 months and pretend that everything is fine !
you are still married and in a stable relationship , so start looking for the reason before it's too late , if you plan to go on with this marriage

It sounds like there's a lot of love still there, within the relationship but for some reason it's just not carrying through to the bedroom. Has sex become boring? Do you need to mix things up and make things more interesting? Is he actually able to 'get it up'? Does he feel aroused at other times?

Sometimes it's the pressure that can affect the situation. Particularly if you're talking about starting a family - is that what's worrying him? Try to work out exactly what the issue is and go from there.

Best of luck!

Good Luck to you! I wish I could offer sage advice like everyone else... Especially since you have such deep feelings for your husband.

An unhealthy sex life can derail any marriage. Marriage is about more than sex, but sex is a HUGE part of a healthy relationship. And....you husband talking to men and women means that he has fantasies and he does have a sex drive....just appears to me that he isn't into you. I know how this feels. When my ex wife stopped wanting me I figured her eyes were elsewhere. Turns out I was right. Being affectionate to you isn't the same as desiring you. Just my thoughts though.

This is what happens when women play games with sex at the start.

You try to make it not a big deal, and then it isn't.

Be careful what you wish for..

you just might get it.

What are you talking about?! This poor woman wasn't " playing games" with sex... She was taking her husbands lead. Like Goofball said... If he is not desiring her..for whatever HIS problem is that's not her fault.

Thank you for all the replies. Interesting to see how differently everyone interprets this issue. My husband is the one who more desperately wants children (my career allows me to work with children so although I do want my own family I'm in less of a rush). With regard to our sex life, I have tried all sorts to spice it up (I would say I'm quite adventurous) but my husband is not interested. He really only likes vanilla sex and doesn't like to try anything different. He can get aroused although is often too tired for sex so just goes to sleep.
I truly am at a loss - its like he's my best friend but in a completely platonic way. He's not frustrated or upset or annoyed about sex - I genuinely don't think he thinks about sex at all. But what about me? Sex once every couple of months because he thinks he better do it because I'm getting all crazy because I'm so horny isn't fair or fun - he treats it as a chore. Just feeling miserable and looking for people who understand.

For a relationship to work, you have to feel loved and feel attracted to each other. If he's not prepared to work at making the changes necessary to ensure your relationship remains healthy, then I have to be honest: it doesn't look good. How can you feel loved if you don't feel he genuinely wants to be with you? There's nothing wrong with vanilla sex if that's what works for you both, but when he's sending out the message that it's a chore... well, I can't say I'd want to be with him after that either.

If you want the relationship to work, and you actually love each other, I'd recommend something like relationship counselling. But referring to your partner as a platonic friend seems to be indicative of where you're at and where you may be heading.

Whatever you decide, I do hope it works out for the best for you both and that you are happy. x

Your husband may be gay or bi and is using the low sex drive as an excuse to not have sex within the marriage. I would look closer into his claims of limited contact with men and women on line. Dating sites are crawling with married guys. If your husband's condition does not stem from anything physical then I doubt there is a condition. More likely a situation. I hope you can find out what that is sooner rather than later. Good luck.

Now who's on a dating site looking to feel better. And it almost sounds like looking for sex.

I couldn't agree more.

I had this same problem in my first marriage. Turns out he was actually gay.

I have been married 16 years and in the past 2 years I have had sex with my wife no more than a dozen times. I love her but this is a challenge as I miss the intimacy and passion in our relationship! Try talking to her and she gets upset! Not sure what to do??? Divorce? Find a friend? I so connected with your post

How old is your wife? Sometimes there are hormonal changes that effect sex drive in women
Your wife gets "upset " when you bring this up.... how "upset" would she be if you cheated or divorced her? You need to sit her down and allow her to get upset. Your sex issue is effecting the quality of your marriage.

We beat this drum repeatedly, but communication is essential for any relationship to work. Unfortunately, the difficult talks have to be had or nothing will be resolved.

I agree. Communication is very important. Not discussing the issues you have would definitely lead you to

sounds to me like he is purposely trying to hurt you and his refusing sex is manipulative in the way it was described in the OP. His behavior is unacceptable in my book, but you will have to make your own choices...I would not put up with it, myself :)

good luck

I agree. Communication is very important. Not discussing the issues you have would definitely make you wonder and question "what's wrong with us" and sometimes in our desperate attempt to.find the answers we make decisions that would worsen the situation and we might regret in.the end.

Post a pic and let us all see if it's worth tapping.

A marriage without intimacy is destined for failure.