You meet someone new, or meet up with a friend from the past, and discover in conversation they have been dating the same person for over a year. If you find them very attractive, do you think it is OK to ask them for a date or should you accept that they are already long term dating someone and not ask them for a date.

I do not think it is ok. To me, it sounds like a commiitted relationship. You could ask the person if it was a casual relationship, but usually a year means they are in "courtship"

Sort of been in this situation with an ex and I just told her that if she wasn't with someone else I would probably ask her if she wanted to give it another go. She is with someone else though and she isn't going to play me.

They might tell you that it isn't serious with this other person and a load of other jazz but tell them that you don't want sloppy seconds and if you do want to be friends, then just keep it like that.

There's definetely a grey area though. What's the difference between seeing someone as a friend when there's flirting going on between you and "dating"?

I think it's rude, it's like you have no respect for their relationship.

I wouldn't stand aside so that some other guy can get the prey. Women are my birthright. Even the married ones.

if you meet up with someone new, they are meeting up with you as well, this may mean that their relationship is either fizzling or even over. Personally if it was someone new then yes I would ask them...it's up to them on what they want to do, if it is a serious relationship be prepared for their rejection, however, it may not be.


An old friend is different, depending on the level of friendship that you have shared, if they did just want to get back together and all they did want was a friendship with you then asking them will most likely make them uncomfortable and they probably won't come around again. But that's a chance you may have to take if you are willing.

Well, it sort of depends on the situation I think. With my ex I really did miss her friendship and I wasn't even sure that she was still with the other guy. I got in touch with her because we had unresolved issues and I needed a friend to talk to at the time. She told me that we could be friends but that she didn't want me messing up her relationship, so that was the deal. She knows that if she wants to talk to me she only has to pick up the phone but I don't call her. I respect her wishes and want her to be happy but I owe the other guy absolutely nothing because he's no friend of mine and he took my woman.

Why does someone else have to respect their relationship shouldn't he/she have enough respect for their own relationship not to meet up with someone else?

Do you think that last guy who took your last girl friend cared what you thought. I think not.

I see this different now, I don't think any guy has even "taken" one of my girlfriends SHE CHOSE to go with them, for her own reasons. The fault lies not with the other guy, but with girl who left.

Stick to the code!

She said she was seeing someone for over a year, sounds like things are going well... Let them be I say.

If she's telling you things are awful dating this other person, then that's a different story, go ahead and ask her out.


Men are idiots... We keep throwing the spaghetti to the wall hoping that it sticks without listening if there's the slightest chance that she's interested? Don't be a Neanderthal!

If you mean me, the guy doesn't even know who I am. She met him on "a break" and didn't tell him that she had been involved with me for three years before she met him. I did meet the guy one day when I was out walking my dog and I recognised her dog, which he was taking for a walk. I asked him if he was Whatshisname and he said yes but seemed a bit suspicious and wasn't exactly friendly. I just told him to tell her that I was asking for her and walked away. That was five years ago actually.

When she met him I could have had a fight with the guy and yeah, she knew that I would have given him a kicking but I just left it. It was her that I was angry with and I told her that I didn't think that we should keep seeing each other because of it.

I don't really have a grudge against him because he's just some poor sap that she lied to but it is a touchy subject and she doesn't talk much about him to me. I do want her to be happy but it's not easy that it's someone else making her happy. Last time I saw her I took her to a party. Just as friends, mind you but she does still flirt with me. Haven't heard from her for a while now though and I guess that she's concentrating on their relationship and doesn't really have time for me anymore. I'll be upset if she doesn't at least remember my birthday (which is coming up soon) but she probably won't because that's what she's like. Like I said though, she knows that if she wants to talk to me she only has to pick up the phone and as far as I'm concerned, we will always be friends.

She did flirt with me and we discussed the relationship and our feelings about each other. It was like dating, although there was no hanky panky. She told me that she doesn't know about the future but I'm not putting my life on hold and waiting for her to make up her mind who she wants.

No it's never ok. If it falls apart fine. but you don't muck around with peoples lives, it puts them in an awkward situation and makes friendship hard.

Look brother... I dunno if you're seriously trying to make me pizz my pantz... but yer killin me here!!!

I can relate to beating the crap out of the guy. I was young and dumb then. I could care less now.

I can only speak for myself, I have no interest in anyone who is already in a relationship, I don't care if they're just dating or married, unless they're single, I'm not interested. Period. I don't care what anyone else does; I was answering the question based on my own set of morals and standards. The OP asked what we thought, so I gave my opinion.

Anyone else who wants to date people who are already involved, more power to you, no skin off my butt.

So if she accepts what would you think of her then?
Are you doing it just for an ego trip?

No I don't think its ok.

Honestly manit was a really complicated relationship and she treated me like crap a lot of the time but we did have good times together and I think that there will always be feelings there. I didn't speak to her for five long years but she's still like my best friend.

She puts me down all the time but it's like her sense of humour. I give as good as I get and make sarcastic remarks about her as well.

During the Summer I met this other girl and my ex phoned me in the morning and said that she was going to come round. I said that it was a bit awkward because I had somebody here. I was in bed with this other girl and she heard the whole conversation.

Revenge is sweet.

Good question. Sounds like the start of a very healthy relationship...

I'm assuming by "meet up with" he meant they happened to run into each other again, like maybe by accident or contacting an old friend. So in that case, I don't see anything wrong with "meeting up" as friends, if he had said they arranged a hookup and then found out she was involved, I'd view her differently.