Ok ! I have a good question for everyone. As some of you may know I am recently out of a 9 year relationship and it has devastated me. My ex works for UPS and everytime I see a UPS truck I want to run it off the road. Now of course I never would, because I prefer not to go to jail, but how do I get over this anger and hurt? He was my best friend. He dumped me like a hot potato and I am left wondering what I had done wrong. Now 2 things to keep in mind when you answer my questions. A. he was only the second guy I have had in my life since I was 15 and B. he was younger then me. Now age to me doesn't matter, but do you think it was a factor? He was very mature and very responsible. I'm lost and need help.

Arse holes come in all ages...

Anger is normal to a point...
At least you know- you don't want to go to jail!

Besides you might get the wrong truck!

Time heals all wounds...
I feel like a dump truck at times

I doubt age was a factor. Getting dumped is never easy, especially by your best friend (been there, done that). As for wanting to run the UPS truck off the road, so long as you don't actually do, I think it's a fairly normal response. When my "best friend" dumped me, I got through it by repeating to myself, a million times a day, that I'd eventually get through to the other side, that it was normal to feel the pain and anger that I did, that I was entitled to wallow in it A LITTLE, but that it would eventually fade. It has. I still have momentary "moods" but they aren't as intense or nearly as frequent, thank God.

Chant with me, IT WILL PASS, IT WILL PASS, IT WILL PASS!!!!!!!!!!!! Breathe deep, it will help!

Suzanne

I agree, don't attempts to assault a UPS truck for three key reasons:
1. You don't want to go to jail

2. The driver of the UPS is most likely not the same jerk, so you'd be attacking someone completely innocent of what you are "punishing" them for. and

3.UPS trucks are heavy.

I dont think age was a factor if he was mature, Honey the pain will go away after awhile, it took me 5 years to finally get over my divorce, just hang in there!!!!

Its called being institutionalized. Atleast for me it was. You get used to having this significant other in your life or significant others. Doesn't matter how bad you think they did you. That could be true that they did you bad and it is time to be away from them if they did you bad. But regardless of that fact they simply are not there any more. That is the real fact of being institutionalized. Getting used to them not being there and gaining your sense of identity again is how you get past being institutionalize. In the meetings we call this facing reality on its own terms. Reality can be a bytch and that is the cold hard truth.

It don't matter I was with someone for 10yrs just recntly broke up still hurts now an then but I'm still good friends with him an with her now. he went off an found his first gf agian after 35yrs of looking for her an yes he was older an he was the only one i was with for so long. but it does take time its hard again but you will find someone i know i will as well its just hard to find that right one again...

Yeah I know I would never do it, but I thought after 6 weeks I would be feeling better, but then we met up so I could give him some things that my son wanted him to have and he pulled up in a brand new suv, just like the one I wanted to get for us. He said he didn't do it for spite, but I think differently. I am so hurt I could scream. I want to take his new truck and run my car key straight down the side and put sugar in his tailpipe, but I am just talk, I would never do that. I am just venting. What the hell is wrong with people. I devoted 9 years to him and my son is really really upset.

in·sti·tu·tion·al·ize (nst-tsh-n-lz, -ty-) KEY

TRANSITIVE VERB:
in·sti·tu·tion·al·ized , in·sti·tu·tion·al·iz·ing , in·sti·tu·tion·al·iz·es

To make into, treat as, or give the character of an institution to.
To make part of a structured and usually well-established system: a society that has institutionalized injustice.
To place (a person) in the care of an institution.

Marriage is an institution.

Although individual, formal organizations, commonly identified as "institutions," may be deliberately and intentionally created by people, the development and functioning of institutions in society in general may be regarded as an instance of emergence; that is, institutions arise, develop and function in a pattern of social self-organization, which goes beyond the conscious intentions of the individual humans involved.

As mechanisms of social cooperation, institutions are manifest in both objectively real, formal organizations, such as the U.S. Congress, or the Roman Catholic Church, and, also, in informal social order and organization, reflecting human psychology, culture, habits and customs. Most important institutions, considered abstractly, have both objective and subjective aspects: examples include money and marriage.

Hon the pain will go away, I was married for 10 years and it was painful when we separated and divorced, and I still to this day feel the pain, once in a while, but you have to get better and move on for your son. Good luck to you

The pain will go away but what you have to deal with is the void in your life. You will have to substitute something for that void. Nature abhors a vacuum. Fill it with friends until there is no more void.

I remember you saying, while living in your parents home, that your mother talked to him like he had two heads. Did you stand up for your man? Even in the Bible, it says that you more or less leave all others to devote your all to the marriage. Does not mean drop the family, but you two go into the world with eachothers back. You let nothing interfer with your two lives, for, you are one.

Thank you Bell, I know it will, I was married for 6 yrs to my ex-husband but we were together for 15 yrs. After my divorce, I fell in love with this guy that just broke up with me so I do know eventually it will go away. I am just so hurt right now and angry. Plus I have a family member who has been very jealous of me and has been starting Sh@it for me with my ex. She told him I had all of his passcodes to his bank accounts and myspace, etc. I don't have them and even if I did, I am not the kind of person to invade someone's privacy, because I wouldn't appreciate someone doing it to me. SO I am dealing with alot of outsiders who want to see him hate me and really never think about working things out.

if he didn't give you an explanation to why he was leaving you then don't let it get the best of you by thinking it was you. best thing to do is to forget him and move on.

Thanks King, A wise man you are. I am working on it. It's hard I do blame myself, but I am taking it day by day.

What he said

life will go on and you will find some one some day let the hurt go and release the anger,,life is to short to be unhappy..Live like there is no tomorrow..

That is the best thing I have heard so far mid. I am gonna try real hard to keep that attitude. Life is to short and I am sick of wasting it.

For me anger is a REACTION to a hurt.
To hurt is natural after what you have gone thru.
When you are angry you hand control of yourself to who/what your angry with. When I learned this, I decided I didn't want anything/one controling me; BUT ME.
When I feel anger coming on, I look at the reason for the hurt & deal with it.

I curious about this family member; why are they so bent on keeping control of your life? Why are you allowing them to have this control? Somebody doesn't want to lose their baby, grandkids, just a controling busy body? You NEED to deal with this, just as much as your anger. No relationship will work as long as this problem exists. Was this a cause of your first break-up? Just my thoughts & questions.

Binky...what you are experiencing..all the colours, textures, depths of your emotions are normal.

It's called grief.

Grieve..

9 years...we grieve over the loss of a dog we have in our lives for 9 years...of course you have the right to grieve,why should you just move on?

Shame on all of you...

Allow everything you feel to come up..allow it..harm none, including yourself, but allow these feelings...sheesh...you lost a house to a fire, and so many other things in your life...you are not made of stone.. you have through no understanding on your part, had your partner leave, no explanation, nada...you have a damn right to be angry, release the anger, walk, write, yell, do whatever you need to, other than harming self or others...emotions are healthy..process them at your speed.