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Topic: Love or arranged
Zunaid00's photo
Sun 08/18/13 12:01 PM
There is this whole vibe regarding a love relationship and a arranged relationship actually marriage.... whats your thoughts on this??

msharmony's photo
Sun 08/18/13 12:03 PM
marriage is commitment between man and woman and (for the spiritual) God

love comes in and out of the equation,, I don't believe an arranged marriage has any impact on the capacity of the two to love or commit to each other

but they do have to at least 'like' each other enough for love to develop,,,

Yashawanth's photo
Sun 08/18/13 12:04 PM
What really matters is what you think would probably be right for you.
Yeah it's probably.

Yashawanth's photo
Sun 08/18/13 12:08 PM

marriage is commitment between man and woman and (for the spiritual) God

love comes in and out of the equation,, I don't believe an arranged marriage has any impact on the capacity of the two to love or commit to each other

but they do have to at least 'like' each other enough for love to develop,,,


Makes a lot of sense, I can't disagree. And I like your profile ma'am ( not a feminist ).

no photo
Sun 08/18/13 12:14 PM
I think ALL people should have the right to choose who they love and commit to...
Arranged marriages take that right away

happy happy\\
....\/....


MoonsDragonLionWolf's photo
Sun 08/18/13 12:19 PM
Arranged relationships don't necessarily lead to love.
More than likely the opposite.
It's like trying to put a dog that doesn't like cats and a cat that doesn't like dogs together.
It only equates to trouble.

Love is not something you're necessarily going to get from a relationship no matter how it began.
Love is merely a feeling. An emotion.
It doesn't guarantee a successful relationship.
Rather merely attracts the two individuals to one another.

For a relationship to work and be successful both parties have to be committed to it and want to be in that relationship.
Anything less is doomed to fail.

drinks

Yashawanth's photo
Sun 08/18/13 12:21 PM

I think ALL people should have the right to choose who they love and commit to...
Arranged marriages take that right away

happy happy\\
....\/....




Failed logic, ever read Plato ? Egg or hen ..

no photo
Sun 08/18/13 12:23 PM


I think ALL people should have the right to choose who they love and commit to...
Arranged marriages take that right away

happy happy\\
....\/....




Failed logic, ever read Plato ? Egg or hen ..


hehehe
That would be a matter of perspective
biggrin

PacificStar48's photo
Sun 08/18/13 12:42 PM
Edited by PacificStar48 on Sun 08/18/13 12:47 PM
I think it has a lot to do with how you were raised and who is involved in arranging the marriage.

A lot is said about picking the love of your life but the reality I have seen is that most people would not know what or who would make them happy if it bit them in the arse. If the choice is made under the immature drive of hormones or adolescent rebellion the chances of picking someone who will eventually make you miserable are very high.

Feminist want to say women deserve the right to choose who they end up with when for most thet choice is severely limited to the options that are open at the moment. If you are poor, lack status, and have even the normal barriers such as education, health, and even pregnancy bucking the only strong network of support most women have in society, their family, is going to lower their odds at having any power.

If the person who is arranging the marriage is a loving family member and/or a professional match maker the odds of having a liveable lasting match which provides security for all is much higher.

Having seen the numbe3r of lives ruined by what are often a series of bad choices; especially innocent lives of children I am not ready to throw out the whole idea of "guided choice".

The idea that any long lived relationship however freely made and enraputed in love is not going to go through growing pains especially in the tougher moments of life is pretty much a myth. Passion wains and you have to work at being in love with a partner sooner or later.

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Sun 08/18/13 01:01 PM
Over here arranged marriages are a thing from the past. Think quite a long way back even.
There's problems sometimes with ppl from other cultures who want to marry off their underage daughter, usually to an old(er) man, in their home country as this was arranged at her birth.
Usually ends up in court, lot of to-do and media attention, protests and stuff.
I'm not not for arranged marriages, especially not if the ones involved are still minors.
But that's me, with my own cultural background. I can understand that if arranged marriages are part of your culture, it may be different.

PacificStar48's photo
Sun 08/18/13 01:25 PM
I think American's maybe other countries like to think that arranged marriage is a thing of the past but in our society the reality is that often parents do dictate who their kids are exposed to by where they go and how they are educated. Country club kids rarely date anyone from the Hood and a homeschooled or rural poor rarely marry outside of their race church or economic groupe.

Depending how young you want to count couples as "child brides/grooms" the number of teens that are starting family groupings; even living together collecting child support or at least public funding that goes into the financial pool of step parents or extended family at a very early age is significant. And appauling. Today multiple "mates" are common even if marriage is not.

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Sun 08/18/13 02:16 PM
Don't think we really get the kind of scene you're describing over here. And I don't really see the similarity to arranged marriage. It's totally different.

Anyway, there's always two sides to a coin. But I'm not for arranged marriage. I believe ppl should have the right to choose.


And things aren't just about the offspring. What about before the offspring? What about the parents? What about the young, underage girl, the bride, that gets 'initiated' into intimacy without love? If she's lucky, it's bearable, but should any human being have to go through that?
Why should any man or woman have to live with someone they don't really want to live with? Someone they don't love?

You say "Liveable lasting match". Why would or should anyone have to settle for "liveable"?

Again, it's not part of my culture, so in that sense it's not an issue for me or my children. And even though I try to respect other cultures, I'm glad it's not part of mine.

willing2's photo
Sun 08/18/13 02:35 PM
A goat or two? Don't expect women lub u wong time.

Two camel and burro. That insurance family not take back women.

msharmony's photo
Sun 08/18/13 02:43 PM
IF two people trust their culture/family enough with the decision,, I see no difference in that choice than the choice they make trusting their own feelings,,,

willing2's photo
Sun 08/18/13 02:49 PM
Yep!
Stone aged, third world.
Don't work out, you can honestly blame the parents.

Don't piss em off. They could set ya up with a yetti!

willing2's photo
Sun 08/18/13 03:03 PM
Got a question for the OP.

We talking about a set up marriage to a virgin or does it matter if she's been defiled?


Traumer's photo
Sun 08/18/13 03:18 PM

There is this whole vibe regarding a love relationship and a arranged relationship actually marriage.... whats your thoughts on this??



There is a world of cultural differences between arranged marriages in both Eastern and Western traditions.
Despite the best and worst depictions of arranged marriages by Hollywood in countless movies, in Western culture, (primarily European), arrangements between families for their children to marry, it is predicated by Church law and custom that the couple do love each other or have no objections to marrying. Families and parents must abide by the couples decision. It is hoped, of course, that in the time that the minors grow and pass into adulthood, Love will bloom, as it were. If it doesn't, the Church will not sanction it. They do question the couple, both together and individually. The marriage cannot be forced; neither side can be coerced. If that happens, then it is cancelled, or if word gets back to Church authorities, the internal offices for annulments will investigate. If coercion has indeed been found, the families and the couple will be called before a tribunal to declare the marriage bogus and usually annulled forthwith. It is rare for couples that have been betrothed as minors and that marry as consenting adults, ever divorce. Should problems develop later on, the Church has many ways in which to offer help in guidance and counseling, drawing upon the services of experts in all fields necessary.
Arranged marriages in the long run work out well for all concerned, especially given the the attributes of the concerned families so their choices are not subject to whimsical fly-by-night values.
Arranged marriages are usually restricted to class in Europe, mostly among the oldest families of the nobility and are a world apart from the everyday class of commoners. This has been the custom for over a thousand years and by custom it remains.
In the 'Asian'/ 'Oriental' East, I have heard stories about how arranged marriages are supposed to work and not work and that customs vary from country to country whereas in Europe, from the Atlantic to the Urals of Russia, it is virtually the same, even with the differences between the Catholic and Russian Orthodox Churches, being the 2 main religious following.

SupaDre's photo
Sun 08/18/13 03:31 PM
Isn't arranged marriage far more deliberate than that? As a 'city person', I've witnessed many cases of ruralites who have come to cities as an escape from rural cultural homogeneity.

Arranged marriages hope to take choice out of the picture.

msharmony's photo
Mon 08/19/13 02:45 AM
all marriages are arranged by someone

either through an introduction by friends
or an introduction by parents

I don't see the difference,,,if there is chemistry in the equation somewhere,, more power to them

willing2's photo
Mon 08/19/13 06:09 AM
BS, MH.
ALL is nowhere near correct.
Many, many folks take the risk and approach another without help or being set up.

I still wanna know if in an arranged setting, does your bank account allow you to pick a virgin or settle for a ho?

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