I've always been a hopeless romantic at heart, but at my age I've finally realized it can be more "less" than hopeful. For example, I always like to send women little cards and messages to make them smile or cheer them up. I'm an illustrator so it's easy for me to make these myself. The problem exists when I'm the only one doing this and not getting anything of a similar nature in return.

It's in my nature to want to be romantic, so when I don't have anyone to be romantic with I kind of go through withdrawal symptoms. There is this one gal I met on another dating site and I've been doing the romantic thing with her, but she rarely responds with any type of romantic efforts herself.

I know people are different and yadda-yadda, but just for the sake of this thread how far would you be willing to go in your amorous affections for someone if you never (or rarely) got anything in return?

It's interesting I found this on the welcome page to this forum, "I'll give you the incredibly simple answer to why 1000's of eligible men get rejected by hot women every day: they give too much up-front! It's that simple. The sad truth is that a guy can be a real loser, but he if has the discipline to ration his attention, resources and time, women will flock to him. I've seen it happen time and again."

I've recently learned this and that's why I started this thread. With the woman in question who I was giving too much attention to I've realized that I need to stop, because it has the opposite effect of what I'm hoping to achieve. Too much attention can turn women off or they simply get used to it and it becomes an expected behavior.

So I was just curious what others did when they encountered this behavior. Me I'm going to stop being easy and start being more reserved. How about you?

I don't flog dead horses. Not sure that I understand your question though. Are you talking about things like gifts?

Okay, think that I know what you mean. I do tend to type quite long emails if I find someone that I'm interested in but these days if I don't get much back or nothing at all I just leave it or stop putting so much effort in.

well first you should not let articles "tell" you how to behave. Always look for the hidden agenda and reduce the "message" to what is really being asked. This author for example is advising game playing which beneifts no one ultimately (tho it may have short temporary effect).

the woman from the other site may simply not be all that interested. or her timetable may be different. does she do other things like phone calls or texts?

we probably do not all show our romantic sides in the same way.

If it is that important to you I guess keep looking till you find similar compatability. I agree it is difficult when involved with someone where the feelings or affection in the relationship are not at least reasonalby equal. have you talked with her about her expectations/feelings?

to want someone to respond in a certain way and simply keeping them around so that you can write notes and then get upset because you do not get the required response is a little controlling. don't you think we should give freely with no expectation of anything in return for something to genuinely be a gift from the ?

You know my friend. You are completely right. I have learned the hard way to be otherwise. It's hard to change your nature but what one can do?

I'm not trying to reduce anyone to a formula, not am I interested in "snaring" them or getting in their pants. I was merely asking if anyone else has been overly romantic with someone they are interested in and received the opposite in return. For me I have discovered that being romantic is the same as talking too much; it can be a turn-off if you overdo it.

you're not interested in getting into anyone's pants? how disappointing

I know for sure now that Tawt wouldn't date you ....lol

Hmmmmm ...i will have to agree with you on this point
And awesome to hear someone else say it !
{Thought it was just me...Ugly or something}
But i am a poet ,a Libra,and an over romantic/flatterer at times
And i have had my heart,sack amd face kicked for it too many times
to NOT think so...
Real bummer to be misunderstood !
{I tell you i get no respect}
-Rodney Dangerfield-


JMHO

I love a "Romantic" man. I don't feel I have to give much in return as we are just friends. If the man is not "Romantic" as my friend, then it definately will not be a future. I am talking to a nice "Romantic" man now I met on another site and he brings the romantic side of me out.

I think that you are right and maybe you are being a bit too full on. You say that you aren't trying to get into their pants. Well, I think you have to get real. You start showering a woman with gifts or "romance" and they are going to think that you want something from them anyway and you obviously do. You feel rejected when they don't respond the way that you would like. They probably like you but they aren't sure about you and trying too hard is pressure.

I'll tell you a story. I contacted a girl on here a week or two ago and she replied, telling me a bit about herself. We had interests in common and we talked about music and philosophy. She had quite a lot to say about music because she studied it at college but it turned out that although she had philosophy down as one of her interests, she didn't know all that much about it and had just collected a few quotes in a notebook that she got from the internet. She admitted that she didn't know anything like as much about it as I do but she made out that she was interested in what I was telling her about it and she asked me to tell her more. I did and at the end of a long email I suggested having a proper chat sometime or meeting up. She stopped replying and I don't really know why because she didn't say. Could be that she thought that I was too smart for her though. I tried too hard to impress her maybe but she said that she wanted intelligent conversation and somebody like herself and if she had really been looking for somebody to talk about philosophy with then she probably wanted somebody that wasn't much better and more knowledgeable about it than she was. I lectured her and she probably didn't understand half of what I was talking about. I think that I'll just go back to talking to women about things that they do know about or can have an opinion about. I think that I wasted a bit of time on a pseudo intellectual anyway and she also declared herself to be a feminist on her profile, so maybe I made her feel like a dumb bimbo.

It doesn't matter. I'm not that picky and I don't have some idea that there's a perfect woman out there for me that I can talk about philosophy with. I would rather get into their pants. Well, I'm looking for a girlfriend and not a student.

You say that you are talented as an illustrator and you send them these cards. You make it sound like you expect a trade and you want as much back as you're giving them. That's fine. You don't want a one sided conversation and you don't want to be giving them a lot of romance and get nothing back. You don't want a relationship where you are the only one putting the effort in.

You remind me of this guy a girl once told me about that was sending her flowers and acting like they were already an item when they hadn't even had a proper date or anything. I'm sure that we've all done that sort of thing and they do find it a turn off. There's nothing wrong with being romantic but you can overdo it and you can come across as a bit of a nutcase if you give them too much attention. Slow down and lighten up a bit maybe. Try to be more of a fun guy and don't act like you are desperate. You have a lot to give to the right woman but just back off a bit and play it at their pace.

i got as far as in return, you shouldnt do anything for anyone and expect something in return, if they do return it fine (bonus) but each person is an individual you have ur ways of doing things abd she will have her own way simple

Tawt & 4evababy—thanks for the advice...I would have to agree with you both on this. I'm working on changing that :)

I get nervous if a man is overly romantic with me right off the bat. (Or in the early stages.)...I feel like I'm being asked to play a role in a man's movie (or romance novel.)...I don't unleash my "mushy" and "gushy" sides early-on. It takes me awhile to feel comfortable with romance....And I never like "romance on demand." (Or debt, duty and obligation and heavy-duty expectations when it comes to romance.)...I enjoy being romantic when "spirit" moves me. (And no one is pushing or forcing me to "act" a certain way.)

Are you doing these romantic things for the romance and because you are interested in these women? Or, are you doing these things in hopes of getting something in return? Sounds like you were expecting something in return for the romantic gestures.

I like doing romantic things for the women I'm interested in, but I have a bad habit of overdoing it. After a while I started to want something in return (not sex or anything like that—just the same kind of attention I was giving her).

I realize now that this was selfish of me, because she's not the same as me (in this regard) and she also has a very busy life. The one good thing that has come from this is that I've realize I need to "cool it" when it comes to the romance stuff.

You keep saying that you aren't looking for "sex or anything like that" as if actually wanting it to lead to something is a bad thing. Now it's sounding like you are leading these women on.

Are you saying that you do this with no intention of ever asking these women out and you aren't looking for a relationship?

I always say that it's only romantic if you think that it might be leading somewhere and this is what I find frustrating about the whole online dating thing. You get all of these people that don't actually want anything romantic at all and all that they want is a bit of attention.

We are all different. If you enjoy sending a romantic gift, carry on, if she has not complained about it. If you stopped being yourself she would notice, and most ladies like to receive romantic gestures even when they don't reciprocate. All ladies like to receive Valentines, whether they send them or not, and that is one big romantic gesture.
In my opinion, most women like to be chased and courted - probably a few feminists would disagree - but I firmly believe ladies like receiving little gifts they love it.
Pleased to hear romance is alive and well.

Thanks for the encouragement, Dutt :)

Well I agree with some of the others on here that say don't expect something back in return, if you like giving little gifts, cards etc because that's how you are then give without the expectation it will be reciporcated. I was like thato also always buying cards, little gifts, and getting nothing barely even a thanks and I got resentful about it in fact asked my last ex "can't you even show your appreciation for what I do for you like even a cheap card?" well needless to say the relationship ended and then I took stock of what went wrong and thought about how resentful I was for buying him gifts I told myself never again, it is controlling, expecting the other to gift back or something in return. Also I think it is a self-esteem issue which I struggle with. Sorry long post.....