they usually don't know what Cash you have stashed!
Put a bit aside everytime you withdraw from the Bank!

only Grandpaw gets away with pulling one over on the IRS!

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye..' Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks. 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and urinate all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

Don't Mess with Old People


Oops,posted that one before!

how are you going to pay Lawyers when your Funds are frozen by the IRS?
Call the Lawoffices of Dewey,Shaftem and Howe?

I used to know a guy that could get his pound of flesh out of the taxman with practical jokes...The stories are endless and hilarious. One of my favourites was one visit to his home by a couple of tax auditors...

They asked to see his books and he told them he kept his books in the attic (accessed by a trapdoor in the ceiling). They asked how he expected them to get up there and he rented them his ladder for $10 (in advance). When they got up there it was too dark to see anything, so he sold them a flashlight & batteries. He then took away the ladder (Apparently, they only needed it to get up and didn't rent additional use/time to get down).

Inspecting the attic with the flashlight, the only "books" they could find were some dusty copies of stuff like "Little Women." They angrily asked for his ACCOUNTING books...He said he didn't keep any and they had no right to be angry...After all, how could he be expected to know what "books" they wanted to see?

They then asked for the ladder so they could come down, at which time he informed them that the ladder had been put away (and I believe he said that owing to the difficulty in hauling it out again, he'd have to charge considerably more than he charged in the first place...in advance... and (obviously) much more money than they had on them), and he didn't care for their impolite & surly attitudes in response to his hospitality. They had to jump down, after which they left in such a huff that they forgot their new flashlight.

True story.

Needless to say, he & I became fast friends, as he was something of an inspiration to me.

One cannot discount the influence of Moose Heads and Pot upon ol' Fezboy's distorted reasoning.

That's what makes him a regular Canadian that everyone likes to identify with (which explains his global popularity). In case you didn't know, Moosehead beer, the world's finest pot, and hockey are Canada's greatest exports. Since you are bringing him up in the first place, it would appear that he's even better known than I thought he was...Maybe we should add him to the list of Canada's best exports; I like him a helluva lot more than Justin Beaver...and besides, we need a replacement for this guy (the whole nation is still in mourning...even Fearless Leader):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5ExF4nQ7T4

He's only famous for his Footle idiocy, which, incidentally, resembles some of the specious legal naiveté evinced in this thread. I suppose for some, recycling old scams is better than getting a job, and there's no shortage of idiots to support his lifestyle.

I guess I should point out that your Freudian slip is showing.

I may not like your insecure, insincere, uneducated, inane and irrelevent opinion, ventured to compensate for feelings of intellectual inferiority, but I'll fight to the death for your right to express it.

In short, I thought you were capable of laying out better bait than that...I'm kinda disappointed.

Your projections are misdirected, for I was referring to the puerile 'slave' accusation, being that it is one of Menard's favourite insults to those who don't agree with his bucolic interpretations of the law. Please have some inkling of what is going on before shooting off your bill. Having said that, it is typical that you've nothing of an intellectual nature to contribute, other than ignorant ad hominem. Rant on, Daffy.

I stand in awe at your godlike intellectual superiority effendi. I am duly humbled. I would attempt a pitiful retort in a futile attempt to go down fighting, but obviously the battle of wits has ended and I have lost...badly (besides, I don't have a dictionary handy to look up all those big words you used). My apologies for ever even attempting a response to your brilliant insights. I won't ever make that near-fatal mistake again. You are free to say whatever you like without worrying that I will respond at all.

And besides, we wouldn't wanna see the thread wrecked by a stupid flame war.

Apology accepted. I too, apologise, as I didn't realise that Menard and his 'Freeloaders on the Bum' enjoyed your support.

Locked.
Usual reason, the inability to debate the Topic
without making it personal.

soufie
Site Moderator