OK, you met someone online. They seem nice on the phone and in email.
You decide to meet for lunch. How do you bring up who is going to pay
or if you are going to go dutch. What do you think?

Yeah I don't bring it up. I'll always wait for her to pay. I'll do dishes, I ain't paying for #$@! on a first date.

I make it clear before we even meet that it is a dutch thing.....

So there we have it folks.

Free 1

Pay 1

It's gridlock. Time to set a social construct where the woman always pays to break it.

Sure...you say you want to go dutch...but if the guy suggests dutch then
he's an inveterate cheapskate eh?

I do not bring that up and never had a problem the man paid. I If it is a problem for you, ask her upfront before You meet anywhere.

I have offered to go dutch on some occasions when we arrive at the place to meet.
But if the guy said lets go dutch, I would say he was CHEAP.

chivalry is dead, it seems.

i don't think i've ever been on a first date where the guy didn't insist on paying. i must be old school. ;)

Chivalry? That went out after artificial insemination took hold.
We could hack, hack, hack away, and still our competitor could win.

I would not invite on a first date....just not my style I'm from an older generation - that is not something I would do


and nothing expensive is expected. I agree the best way to avoid issues is to do something that has little or no cost at first


I think who asks should pay, or at least offer but a lady will reciprocate and if she does it's a good sign she's interested

I'd not be compatible with a man who expects a woman to pay for a date that he has suggested

I suspect rather that you will remain dateless...in my day only the desparate girls paid for dates.

tho some of us have gone dutch just so a guy we don't really dig that much will not think he is "owed" intimate favors....creepy

I always pay and never bring the dutch thing up.

Traditional the man pays. Least that's old school.

If I was reciprocating (returning the favor) then I would pay


also if the dates goes beyond what was plan and starts to get expensive too...like if after a movie we decide to go base jumping I'd buy the rope if he buys the tickets

I suspect rather that the desperate girls Still pay for dates.

Hey, it is either them or they have three 1/2 kids.

Not at all I don't feel that the first meet is a date... Just that a meet then if you go out again play it by ear who ever pays that time the next time the other one should pay... I have never had a issue picking up the tab. I do have a issue with someone that is out for a free meal regardless if it is women or men that feel that way...

What if they was homeless, and on food stamps?

I like your style. I guess I usually meet for coffee or something light or an activity on the first meet and always offer/insist on picking up the tab and then if we meet again and she wishes to treat then it is all good.

Just wondering about others experiences and suggestions.
Seems to be a delicate point.

What is the source of that tradition?
Why should the tradition be kept?

In this one late - sorry!

CHIVALRY!?

I, for one, have ALWAYS had issues with this phrase & concept. I thought we were equals? Yeah, I know statistically men make more loot than women, but this mentality could be taken as an affront to the always-present women's equality movement...

For me, I'm paying because:
1. I got it like that
2. I want to show how I don't obsess about money and to illustrate that I am willing to share with those in my life
3. I just so happen to have a stack in my wallet. If I don't, I will say so, and ask her to pay - because we're equal.

Note: the above post contains ~6% sarcasm, 93% just me. Good post; it segways into a topic that is near-n-dear to my heart = relationship equality.