I find so many of my friends can't find "a good man" but then you get into their requirements and it's ridiculous. I am 41.

At this age, almost all guys have kids who are single/divorced and my friends want to be their only baby momma or to be the focus of the guy's entire life or not have him talk to his ex.

A lot of the guys our age are broke from paying alimony and child support and they want the guys to be wealthy. Also the economy sucks right now and a lot of good men are underemployed.

They will not date a bald guy. Yet at this age, most of them have had their hair migrate off their head, down their back and to the azz.

They want the physically fit super built men. Most of those guys blew out knees, ankles, shoulders, elbows, by now playing sports

They don't want the guy with glasses.

Not all women are that way but I know so many and then they wonder why they are disappointed.

Any thoughts?

Nice

I was just thinking about this. About women and all of their criteria. Don't forget men have to have everything in their life together and be perfect.

Very good point. Sounds like perhaps they're not looking for a good man, but that man that only exists in their mind.

If they say "I know what I want/am looking for", RUN!

Men have all kinds of preferences, too. This isn't just a woman thing.

Why? You want a woman who doesn't know what they're looking for?

Tea, when you find a woman in her forties who adores short, fat, ugly, poor guys with Erectile Dysfunction and Social Dysfunction having come from a dysfunctional family (let's put the fun back in "dysfunctional"), then please let me know IMMEDIATELY.

But please only if the woman is a physician, well stacked, well built, has blue eyes and wears only Chantelle, Opium, Poison, Crack, Morphium, Heroine or Extacy for cologne or perfume, and she is of course a billionairess with no children; she has all her teeth, all her breasts, all her original marbles; she must be left-handed, brave, good humoured, and must love all my jokes.

Thank you, Teadipper.

Not only are the expectations a bit unrealistic, they are also... oh how do I say this... oh just horrible.

For all you ladies waiting for someone to take care of you and your offspring until you find the next guy to take to the cleaners... well, you might be fun to date, but I will never respect you, and I'm not falling for that either. Teadipper, you can tell your friends that good men are out there, but they usually avoid the type of women you describe.

For many women looking for Mr. Right, I prefer to be Mr. Wrong.

I don't want a woman to say, "I need you so much!"
I'd prefer she not need me at all. It would mean so much more.

And by the way... I ran 7 miles yesterday, my hair is still full, I don't wear glasses, my finances are in good shape and I ONLY hang out with nice people. I am happy by myself. Strangely that means that I'm usually not by myself!

LWTMB

There do seem to be a lot of women (and an equal number of men) who want somebody they think their friends would admire them for having. But everybody knows (right?) that a gemstone doesn't come out of the earth as a sparkling beauty, but that beauty is hidden beneath, just waiting to be brought out and appreciated as its facets are discovered. The gemstone expert sees what lies beneath and has the patience to get to know it and treat in such a way as to maximize that.

For that matter, the same friends who we were worried about judging us will either be happier for (or far more jealous of us) if we find someone who makes us truly happy. That is the rare thing! As opposed to the "perfect" (looks, job,etc.)guy or gal, we should be looking for the one who is perfect for us individually (i.e. makes us happy). There has to be an initial attraction, but for me, at least, usually the rest will follow.

Do you think this "shopping" mentality prevalent with online dating plays into this situation? With so many choices, why bother to really get to know someone? Is the mentality to move on to the next "ad" hoping that maybe that next person will meet all your criteria?

Age is a problem?

I always say that we shouldn't expect guys to act like the ones in chick flicks. Women create those guys and write their lines. It's unreasonable to expect men to be like that and if you do, you're gonna be sorely disappointed.

But in return, I tell my guy friends to quit looking for playboy models who are also full time Martha stewarts. But if you do find one, lemme know. I may switch teams for her.

Yeah.

I Think having unreasonable expectations sets people up for failure, BUT, what is unreasonable is a subjective question.

My father, at my age, was hard working, independent, fit, and had hair. Most the men in my family, at my age , have been.

So, for me, it doesnt seem unreasonable to expect. I Think that is ok as long as the person who seeks can also bring at least that much to the table.

what gets me is unhealthy, broke, unpleasant etc,,,,,,people who want a partner who is a knockout who jumps at their every whim and has a stable career,,,,,,lol

if you can bring it to the table, I never think its unreasonable to seek a partner who can do the same

but wanting too much more than what you yourself can offer, is unreasonable

My non-negotiables are pretty slim....I don't have many. lol I'd LIKE to think I have reasonable expectations of a guy. I'm pretty chill in my relationships...beyond treating me decently and not being a total tool all the time, I don't expect much from a guy besides being decent to himself and those around him, and loving me in return.

My post is really more jokey than serious...but I still say it's holds some truth. I know some extremely decent guys who have a shade of chick flick to them, so I know they somewhat exist. I'm just saying that if you act like a chump, don't expect him to pay a $1000 bucks just to get a boarding pass to get back to the boarding area and chase after you, screaming that he loves you and for you not to go. I'm talking extreme chick flick. And I know people who expect that...trust me, some of them are my friends.

Ditto to that one.............shshsh I have found that most men want that barbie doll hanging on their arms and when they find a good woman what do they do? Ignore her or feel as if she owes them.....This is never a one sided thing....For ever reason a woman does not find a man attractive I can list the same reason for a man....

Besides who would want someone that does not want them for certain reasons.... There are ones out there that will overlook all those issues as long as they don't play the ohh mee ohhh my pity story why no one wants them....Shshhs no one wants a cry baby man/woman...it really does not become them..

Hmmmm.....

<-----

No kids- Check
No alimony- Check
Not broke- Check
Not bald- VERY check
No hairy back- Check
No hairy azz- Check (hides his 3 foot butt braid)
Physically fit, blah, blah, blah- Close enough....
No glasses- Semi-check (they're optional)

SINGLE-CHECK

Must be a few things missing off that list.....

Hey ujGearhead,
And do you have an active social life which includes dating?

I do... and I've been accused of being a "player". Sometimes, a guy just can't win!


Oh, did I mention that I don't watch sports and can dance???

Maybe that makes up for the lack of ponytail?

:-)

Saw a profile that said: I hate shallow people!
To respond to me you must be over 25 and under 35. At least 6' tall, in good physical condition. Have a good paying job, with good benefits. A car less than 4 years old, either own or buying a home. You must be single and white. No forigners, no fat guys, no gimps.