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| Topic: Traditional or Modern? | |
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I admire and respect anyone who puts their children first while they are children. My view is that the alternative is irresponsible. my view is that it is irresponsible to let a marriage die and teach children that the sun rises and sets on their every move better to allow them to see a loving relationship at work to prepare them for adulthood as ADULTS not large spoiled .....people I still think children come first and marriage, second. You are not teaching children that unless you spoil them. If parents have a loving relationship already, it will not be a desparate situation to miss an occasional date nite, when a child is struggling with homework for example. First priority is the best interest of the child, not the spoiling of the child. It also doesnt mean ignoring your partner. if the children come first in a marriage BEFORE your spouse (otherwise fine) the marriage will not last obviously a couple committed to raising a family knows there will be some years there where Breanna can't be washing up those dishes wearing a garter and her naughty nurse costume like she did when she was first married.... 
but cripes hire a sitter and rent a hotel room for him now & then (and take the costume!) if the couple loses that spark it's over and it's not the kids' fault - it's theirs this is what I mean - the word irresponsible doesn't even belong here I'm not talking about kid's being unloved, neglected or unfed. It is ideal for kids to see mom & dad happy with each other. that is the primary means for young children to learn HOW to have a relationship but u are of course entitled to your opinion and there is a degree or continuum to a thing - we may not be as far apart in our opinions as it looks |
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Edited by
sweetestgirl11
on
Sun 03/04/12 08:14 AM
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I admire and respect anyone who puts their children first while they are children. My view is that the alternative is irresponsible. my view is that it is irresponsible to let a marriage die and teach children that the sun rises and sets on their every move better to allow them to see a loving relationship at work to prepare them for adulthood as ADULTS not large spoiled .....people I still think children come first and marriage, second. You are not teaching children that unless you spoil them. If parents have a loving relationship already, it will not be a desparate situation to miss an occasional date nite, when a child is struggling with homework for example. First priority is the best interest of the child, not the spoiling of the child. It also doesnt mean ignoring your partner. if the children come first in a marriage BEFORE your spouse (otherwise fine) the marriage will not last obviously a couple committed to raising a family knows there will be some years there where Breanna can't be washing up those dishes wearing a garter and her naughty nurse costume like she did when she was first married....
but cripes hire a sitter and rent a hotel room for him now & then (and take the costume!) if the couple loses that spark it's over and it's not the kids' fault - it's theirs this is what I mean - the word irresponsible doesn't even belong here I'm not talking about kid's being unloved, neglected or unfed. It is ideal for kids to see mom & dad happy with each other. that is the primary means for young children to learn HOW to have a relationship. The marriage is also the foundation for their physcial and emotional security - it MUST come first but u are of course entitled to your opinion and there is a degree or continuum to a thing - we may not be as far apart in our opinions as it looks |
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I admire and respect anyone who puts their children first while they are children. My view is that the alternative is irresponsible. my view is that it is irresponsible to let a marriage die and teach children that the sun rises and sets on their every move better to allow them to see a loving relationship at work to prepare them for adulthood as ADULTS not large spoiled .....people ... and this is how I was raised. The "alternative is irresponsible" is assuming only two excesses can exist: the kids are life or the couple is life. BALANCE is the need here. |
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If "family" ALWAYS takes priority the relationship of the couple will, usually, suffer. IMO one big mistake of couples with children is the kids always take the priority. The only time (forget quality time) left over is at the end of a day or week when all are exhausted and have no energy for each other. It's no wonder love and interest between husband and wife dies. I understand this sounds heretical but if couples never set aside QUALITY time they eventually become roommates with a legal marriage license. I see this a lot, too. I agree also - I have been slammed before for saying that when I see a profile where someone says "my children come first and always will" I think to myself - he's not ready, and he still hasn't learned....one's marital partner must always be the priority for the marriage to remain viable & healthy, and if the marriage ain't healthy - the family unit will not be either - it all begins and hinges on THAT relationship I don't read men's profiles so i can't comment. However, it is not uncommon at all to read in women's profiles "my children come first and always will" or "my children are my life". I would never expect a woman to "unload" her family for me. However, if she indicates I'll have the same priority as the dog or the cat I'll walk away. If it seems that I'll get attention if and when she ever finds time I'll go else where. |
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I admire and respect anyone who puts their children first while they are children. My view is that the alternative is irresponsible. my view is that it is irresponsible to let a marriage die and teach children that the sun rises and sets on their every move better to allow them to see a loving relationship at work to prepare them for adulthood as ADULTS not large spoiled .....people ... and this is how I was raised. The "alternative is irresponsible" is assuming only two excesses can exist: the kids are life or the couple is life. BALANCE is the need here. the alternative to not putting your child first is not referring to an excess. It refers only to prioritization. Thats why its NUMBERED as 'first'. In our present American society Children take priority in everything, including time. The husband and wife are expected to "understand" and sacrifice their personal relationship for the kids at all times. The family relationship has only been like this since the late 70's and kids have come to expect parents to fulfill their every whim. The result is the married couple become roommates for the sole purpose of supplying the kids anything and everything they want (not need). This is a huge mistake and in the end the marriage dissolves and the kids ultimately suffer. Kids need to do things that don't require constant transportation day and night. In fact, IMO kids grades would be better in school if the computer, video games and cell phones were tightly controlled. But then if a person never grew up with a family that was more balanced they can't comprehend what it was or could be like. |
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I admire and respect anyone who puts their children first while they are children. My view is that the alternative is irresponsible. my view is that it is irresponsible to let a marriage die and teach children that the sun rises and sets on their every move better to allow them to see a loving relationship at work to prepare them for adulthood as ADULTS not large spoiled .....people ... and this is how I was raised. The "alternative is irresponsible" is assuming only two excesses can exist: the kids are life or the couple is life. BALANCE is the need here. this, is brilliance,,thank you two people putting someone other than each other first, means when that someone is gone,, they have NOTHING to share anymore,,,,they will be lost no, a relationship has to have balance, you have to make each other your first priority because that relationship has to last through effort and not mere biology ,, for a lifetime even after said children leave and have lifes of their own BUT that priority doesnt have to be EXCLUSIVE or ABSOLUTE as there is obviously going to be times when there is a more PRESSING matter happening with the children that should distract temporarily from the attention you would normally give to your own relationship,,, |
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I think I'm a pretty good mix of both. I've got some very traditional ideas about the home, but am very non traditional in many other ways.
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In a relationship, do you have more traditional values or more modern? Traditional :) |
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I'm very traditional and quite old fashioned.I think I must be the female version of Jarvis Cocker, quite honestly. lol. Whenever i read his lyrics, it seems he's thinking the same things as me, and having the same opinions about whatever the song is about. Did you get all that? Good. Also, dress sense. He dresses classier than many men his age, just like i dress way classier than anyone who lives in my street. I WANT to be classy. Nobody told me to be. Me, The classy chick with the cherry-bomb hair. lol
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Well we will have to have varying opinions on the matter, which is fine. I was brought up a child who was secondary to the marital relationship. All three of us kids are not close to either parent, because what we learned from them was that we were not so very important or as valuable. They are divorced to boot. And currently alone. Its too bad they agreed that marital relationships were the first priority. If a marital relationship cant survive the selflessness of parenting, its probably not a good match anyway...Regardless of putting it first. Thats what happened to my parents. Alone, and not much going on in the bond with their kids. its really just balance there wasnt enough balance (seems like) in the home, regardless of whether the parents or the children felt 'secondary' the truth in our home was that our parents were more than a relationship they were a UNIT,, you cant seperate a unit, one part of a unit cant come after other units,,,, so, my mom and dad were one, and there was therefore no way to feel I was more important to one or the other, I was just equally important to BOTH and would never ask or expect them to care more for me than themself (although I understand this is becoming the norm in modern culture), although I also didnt expect them , as a unit, to love me less but there was no, does mom love me more than she loves dad, or does dad love me more than mom,, they were one, they were going to have to work at being one long after I left home to have a life of my own, so there was going to be more actual effort they had to put into preserving their unit of choice, than it would to preserve our relationship of biology,,, |
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If "family" ALWAYS takes priority the relationship of the couple will, usually, suffer. IMO one big mistake of couples with children is the kids always take the priority. The only time (forget quality time) left over is at the end of a day or week when all are exhausted and have no energy for each other. It's no wonder love and interest between husband and wife dies. I understand this sounds heretical but if couples never set aside QUALITY time they eventually become roommates with a legal marriage license. I see this a lot, too. I agree also - I have been slammed before for saying that when I see a profile where someone says "my children come first and always will" I think to myself - he's not ready, and he still hasn't learned....one's marital partner must always be the priority for the marriage to remain viable & healthy, and if the marriage ain't healthy - the family unit will not be either - it all begins and hinges on THAT relationship I don't read men's profiles so i can't comment. However, it is not uncommon at all to read in women's profiles "my children come first and always will" or "my children are my life". I would never expect a woman to "unload" her family for me. However, if she indicates I'll have the same priority as the dog or the cat I'll walk away. If it seems that I'll get attention if and when she ever finds time I'll go else where. I've seen several mens' profiles that say the same type of thing. |
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In a relationship, do you have more traditional values or more modern? I have a mixture of beliefs. Like I believe everyone likes to come home to someone who is pleasant with food cooking so I try to be in a good mood and pop something in the oven or in the morning, the crock pot, if I am home first. If I am in a bad mood, I go to bed and sleep it off and try not to inflict it on my sig. other when I have one. I try to get up and go to bed on a positive note. I do cook but if you expect me to clean house and fold laundry like Suzi Homemaker, you are smoking dope. I believe you should never emasculate a guy. Even if you can do something faster and better, if they want to do it (except if they are going to paint over door knobs) let them do it. Do not feed a guy his nuts. But at the same time, if that guy is not around and the toilet breaks, I change the toilet float myself, I do not sit around all day and wait for him to come home to fix it. Stuff like that. |
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Well we will have to have varying opinions on the matter, which is fine. I was brought up a child who was secondary to the marital relationship. All three of us kids are not close to either parent, because what we learned from them was that we were not so very important or as valuable. They are divorced to boot. And currently alone. Its too bad they agreed that marital relationships were the first priority. If a marital relationship cant survive the selflessness of parenting, its probably not a good match anyway...Regardless of putting it first. Thats what happened to my parents. Alone, and not much going on in the bond with their kids. Shouldn't parents be bonded and in harmony about raising the child as first priority? I mean if you have children shouldn't that be the unity that holds the institution of marriage together? Your unity in your decision that having children was what you both wanted the most? Some couples buy toys, computer, sports cars, etc. and bond over that. Some people decide they want kids more than anything. Shouldn't they be bonded in raising a child that is half of each of them? I mean I know it sounds crazy but my ex husband and I were huge pet people and little pets are helpless like children so when one of them was injured or hurt, the world stopped and we agreed upon the fact that they came first. I mean if we felt that way about pets rather I think of them more as companion animals, I can't understand not feeling that way about a little helpless human being |
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I'm very traditional and quite old fashioned.I think I must be the female version of Jarvis Cocker, quite honestly. lol. Whenever i read his lyrics, it seems he's thinking the same things as me, and having the same opinions about whatever the song is about. Did you get all that? Good. Also, dress sense. He dresses classier than many men his age, just like i dress way classier than anyone who lives in my street. I WANT to be classy. Nobody told me to be. Me, The classy chick with the cherry-bomb hair. lol That makes two of us  except I don't have the cherry-bomb hair! 
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I'm very traditional and quite old fashioned.I think I must be the female version of Jarvis Cocker, quite honestly. lol. Whenever i read his lyrics, it seems he's thinking the same things as me, and having the same opinions about whatever the song is about. Did you get all that? Good. Also, dress sense. He dresses classier than many men his age, just like i dress way classier than anyone who lives in my street. I WANT to be classy. Nobody told me to be. Me, The classy chick with the cherry-bomb hair. lol That makes two of us except I don't have the cherry-bomb hair!
 , coooooooool :). I'm just not "sorted for E's and Whizz" though. The only song i CAN'T relate to. :o
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I'm very traditional and quite old fashioned.I think I must be the female version of Jarvis Cocker, quite honestly. lol. Whenever i read his lyrics, it seems he's thinking the same things as me, and having the same opinions about whatever the song is about. Did you get all that? Good. Also, dress sense. He dresses classier than many men his age, just like i dress way classier than anyone who lives in my street. I WANT to be classy. Nobody told me to be. Me, The classy chick with the cherry-bomb hair. lol That makes two of us except I don't have the cherry-bomb hair!
, coooooooool :). I'm just not "sorted for E's and Whizz" though. The only song i CAN'T relate to. :o
;o |
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I admire and respect anyone who puts their children first while they are children. My view is that the alternative is irresponsible. my view is that it is irresponsible to let a marriage die and teach children that the sun rises and sets on their every move better to allow them to see a loving relationship at work to prepare them for adulthood as ADULTS not large spoiled .....people my view too |
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Well we will have to have varying opinions on the matter, which is fine. I was brought up a child who was secondary to the marital relationship. All three of us kids are not close to either parent, because what we learned from them was that we were not so very important or as valuable. They are divorced to boot. And currently alone. Its too bad they agreed that marital relationships were the first priority. If a marital relationship cant survive the selflessness of parenting, its probably not a good match anyway...Regardless of putting it first. Thats what happened to my parents. Alone, and not much going on in the bond with their kids. its really just balance there wasnt enough balance (seems like) in the home, regardless of whether the parents or the children felt 'secondary' the truth in our home was that our parents were more than a relationship they were a UNIT,, you cant seperate a unit, one part of a unit cant come after other units,,,, so, my mom and dad were one, and there was therefore no way to feel I was more important to one or the other, I was just equally important to BOTH and would never ask or expect them to care more for me than themself (although I understand this is becoming the norm in modern culture), although I also didnt expect them , as a unit, to love me less but there was no, does mom love me more than she loves dad, or does dad love me more than mom,, they were one, they were going to have to work at being one long after I left home to have a life of my own, so there was going to be more actual effort they had to put into preserving their unit of choice, than it would to preserve our relationship of biology,,, Yep, its a balance issue, but when one is the priority, for me it has to be the kids. I do feel loved, just not so very important to my parents as my child surely feels to me...not really a competitive issue between kids and spouse...it feels more like a comittment thing...the parents love the kids, yet the cocktail parties, couplehood together time, or such things were clearly the priority. We always had our basic needs met. I went thru a major crisis a few years ago, and though I never asked for any help, I got a frantic call from my mother who already had vacation plans with friends and wouldnt be able to be with me to see it thru. Luckily, I never relied on her for emotional support, as it was never there. Without vengence in mind, I am not available to her as much as I would like, mostly because of my location, but the reality is that we are simply not close. Truth be told, I spose the location was a possible self preservation thing. These are my reflections of prioritizing children v marital relationships. Its interesting to see the 'whys' of how our perspectives form. there should not be a situation where one has to ALWAYS Be a priority , in my opinion, that is a flaw and a catastrophe waiting to happen I am not even ALWAYS my own priority, but the MAJORITY of the time, I Have to take care of me before I Can help anyone else, family or not so too is my view of a spouse, who I am SUPPOSED to become one with,,,, the majority of the time, even in taking care of our children, my spouse has to come 'first' because they have to be one with me and WE have to do the caring together,,, |
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Edited by
msharmony
on
Thu 03/08/12 07:39 AM
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I agree that its fine to disagree.
It comes down to personal preference of what kind of existence will make us happy. Some are happy catering to children and others are not, but both types can manage to rear beautiful people who are responsible and appreciative and productive blessings to the world and both can sometimes rear ugly people who just drain and take from the world,,,,so parents have to do what works in THEIR HOME..... 
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Yep, It's all about personal preference.
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