Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Advice please
singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Wed 02/15/12 06:42 AM
No one has ever lied to me about their looks. But, having been scammed here both emotionally and financially, I don't believe it is unreasonable to ask for reassurances. No one has lied to me about their looks, either. But, again on a site like this, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for another picture. Remember, on a site like this, we can only go by what people want to tell us/show us. If asking for another picture will make someone comfortable to meet in person, I say go for it. There's no need to get offended by it. If someone is offended by being asked for a recent picture, perhaps this kind of site is not for them.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Wed 02/15/12 06:49 AM
No one has ever lied to me about their looks. But, having been scammed here both emotionally and financially, I don't believe it is unreasonable to ask for reassurances. No one has lied to me about their looks, either. But, again on a site like this, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for another picture. Remember, on a site like this, we can only go by what people want to tell us/show us. If asking for another picture will make someone comfortable to meet in person, I say go for it. There's no need to get offended by it. If someone is offended by being asked for a recent picture, perhaps this kind of site is not for them. Except when he already knows it makes her UN comfortable. That would communicate something to me. There has already been much 'tell us' and a pic provided by someone who is understandably uncomfortable. She could indeed be dishonest just like anyone else can. If he is not comfortable with a relationship, he should move on and not cause more discomfort for this person he has no intention of following thru with. He asked for one picture. I see nothing wrong with that at all. I've asked people for additional pictures when they've only shared one or two to start with.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Wed 02/15/12 06:52 AM
Right. He asked for a picture. Like I've said, after seeing a couple pictures, I've asked people for recent pictures. Not one has gotten offended. It's not a big deal. If it is a big deal to someone, perhaps meeting people in this fashion isn't going to work best for them.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Wed 02/15/12 06:54 AM
Sing, have these people suffered injury, and told you they are uncomfortable with their appearance, then sent one anyway? And afterward, did you then request more? I don't need to give anyone but them reasons why I asked for more pictures. Each case is different. Just like the OP's situation.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Wed 02/15/12 06:55 AM
No one has ever lied to me about their looks. But, having been scammed here both emotionally and financially, I don't believe it is unreasonable to ask for reassurances. No one has lied to me about their looks, either. But, again on a site like this, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for another picture. Remember, on a site like this, we can only go by what people want to tell us/show us. If asking for another picture will make someone comfortable to meet in person, I say go for it. There's no need to get offended by it. If someone is offended by being asked for a recent picture, perhaps this kind of site is not for them. yup emotional blackmail and with a woman who has been thru enough difficult times for shame no respect there Except when he already knows it makes her UN comfortable. That would communicate something to me. There has already been much 'tell us' and a pic provided by someone who is understandably uncomfortable. She could indeed be dishonest just like anyone else can. If he is not comfortable with a relationship, he should move on and not cause more discomfort for this person he has no intention of following thru with.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Wed 02/15/12 06:57 AM
Sing, have these people suffered injury, and told you they are uncomfortable with their appearance, then sent one anyway? And afterward, did you then request more? I don't need to give anyone but them reasons why I asked for more pictures. Each case is different. Just like the OP's situation. You didnt answer the question. I've already told you I don't need to give anyone reasons why I've asked for more pictures other than that person I'm asking. So yes, I did give you an answer. Just not one you wanted.

Ruth34611 Joined Sat 08/02/08 Posts: 32402	Wed 02/15/12 07:01 AM
I'm a bit more cynical with people I have not known for very long. People can tell you they are emotionally hurting and embarrassed, but that doesn't mean it's the truth. I know, I know....kinda harsh, but this IS the internet and you just don't know who anyone is. Obviously, I feel much more confident with those I have known here for years and they have consistently been the same person they claim to be. But, new people...yeah, I don't trust them.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Wed 02/15/12 07:06 AM
No one has ever lied to me about their looks. But, having been scammed here both emotionally and financially, I don't believe it is unreasonable to ask for reassurances. No one has lied to me about their looks, either. But, again on a site like this, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for another picture. Remember, on a site like this, we can only go by what people want to tell us/show us. If asking for another picture will make someone comfortable to meet in person, I say go for it. There's no need to get offended by it. If someone is offended by being asked for a recent picture, perhaps this kind of site is not for them. Except when he already knows it makes her UN comfortable. That would communicate something to me. There has already been much 'tell us' and a pic provided by someone who is understandably uncomfortable. She could indeed be dishonest just like anyone else can. If he is not comfortable with a relationship, he should move on and not cause more discomfort for this person he has no intention of following thru with. He asked for one picture. I see nothing wrong with that at all. I've asked people for additional pictures when they've only shared one or two to start with. he asked for her to hold up a sign which was childish and rude - that was the original issue otherwise I see no problem with asking for a picture either, totally agree - especially talking with someone who has none or only 1 or 2 posted or when they aren't recent - and it involves a travel or time investment to meet if he didn't trust me to post accurate photos after talking to me on the phone for 4 hours....ummmm no besides that is what the meet up is for - only so much that can be gleaned online, photos or no photos - for me personally, I just did not like the way he handled things at all.

Ruth34611 Joined Sat 08/02/08 Posts: 32402	Wed 02/15/12 07:08 AM
I think thats wise Ruth. If I talked on the phone with someone for 4 hours, and send a pic, that would make me feel more comfortable with someone. On the other hand, if youre still not comfortable, for whatever reason, I wouldnt press someone to do things theyve already told me makes them uncomfortable. Particularly if they cried on the phone with me and shared their story. I totally get where you are coming from. We just disagree on what is too much. No biggie.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Wed 02/15/12 07:10 AM
Ya, she provided a pic. You talked on the phone for 4 hours. If you still dont trust her, let her go. Youre only torturing now. Makin her jump thru hoops because you dont trust her. What will you finally be satisfied with? What more personal disclosure will she have to provide to satisfy your own sqeamishness. ridic. If I spoke on the phone with someone for 4 freakin hours and then they asked for a proof shot....are you kidding me? Ida blocked you. Really the bottom line is you dont trust her...for whatever reason. Its not gonna work, so stop toying with her. Youve already suggested it would lead to nothing more than friends. No more hoop requests. Maybe Ive misunderstood something? I would have blocked him also - one recent photo should have been enough - especially since she was apparently willing to do the traveling (from what he said earlier)

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Wed 02/15/12 07:11 AM
Sing, its not about YOUR reasons, its about consideration for the other person, and THEIR reasons. It's about both. You may not agree and that's fine. If you don't want to ask people for additional pictures, that is your choice. If someone I ask doesn't want to share another picture, that's their choice. It's all about choices and preferences.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Wed 02/15/12 07:12 AM Edited by singmesweet on Wed 02/15/12 07:13 AM
No one has ever lied to me about their looks. But, having been scammed here both emotionally and financially, I don't believe it is unreasonable to ask for reassurances. No one has lied to me about their looks, either. But, again on a site like this, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for another picture. Remember, on a site like this, we can only go by what people want to tell us/show us. If asking for another picture will make someone comfortable to meet in person, I say go for it. There's no need to get offended by it. If someone is offended by being asked for a recent picture, perhaps this kind of site is not for them. Except when he already knows it makes her UN comfortable. That would communicate something to me. There has already been much 'tell us' and a pic provided by someone who is understandably uncomfortable. She could indeed be dishonest just like anyone else can. If he is not comfortable with a relationship, he should move on and not cause more discomfort for this person he has no intention of following thru with. He asked for one picture. I see nothing wrong with that at all. I've asked people for additional pictures when they've only shared one or two to start with. he asked for her to hold up a sign which was childish and rude - that was the original issue otherwise I see no problem with asking for a picture either, totally agree - especially talking with someone who has none or only 1 or 2 posted or when they aren't recent - and it involves a travel or time investment to meet if he didn't trust me to post accurate photos after talking to me on the phone for 4 hours....ummmm no besides that is what the meet up is for - only so much that can be gleaned online, photos or no photos - for me personally, I just did not like the way he handled things at all. Unfortunately, not everyone online is trustworthy. We have to do what makes us comfortable. If I feel like I have not seen recent enough, or clear enough pictures to pick someone out of a crowd when I first meet them, I will certainly ask for more. I share pictures of what I look like and I expect anyone I consider meeting to do the same. A first meeting should not make me surprised about what someone looks like. If it does, that person was not being honest about how they look.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Wed 02/15/12 07:17 AM Edited by sweetestgirl11 on Wed 02/15/12 07:53 AM
Right. He asked for a picture. Like I've said, after seeing a couple pictures, I've asked people for recent pictures. Not one has gotten offended. It's not a big deal. If it is a big deal to someone, perhaps meeting people in this fashion isn't going to work best for them. no he did not just ask for a picture - that is misleading - there was more to it IDK u might not find it objectionable but I did and I for one have absolutely very current pictures and a lot of them so it's not like I have picture issues and ya I have met a couple people who look nothing like their pictures - I gave them a chance anyway and I am not going to insult future men just because that happened 1 or 2 times in the past... she may have the scar but HE is the one with the issues....bur he definitely acknowledges that. I think it's good of her to give him a chance....

Jeanniebean Joined Wed 01/30/08 Posts: 40028	Wed 02/15/12 07:17 AM
Daddytime says" Here is my issue I have no trust for people online, So you ask people online for advice? Sorry, I have not read the thread, but my first impression is that she is not telling the truth. Sounds like a load of bull. Tell her to download skype and you can have a face to face conversation. Call her bluff.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Wed 02/15/12 07:21 AM
No one has ever lied to me about their looks. But, having been scammed here both emotionally and financially, I don't believe it is unreasonable to ask for reassurances. No one has lied to me about their looks, either. But, again on a site like this, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for another picture. Remember, on a site like this, we can only go by what people want to tell us/show us. If asking for another picture will make someone comfortable to meet in person, I say go for it. There's no need to get offended by it. If someone is offended by being asked for a recent picture, perhaps this kind of site is not for them. Except when he already knows it makes her UN comfortable. That would communicate something to me. There has already been much 'tell us' and a pic provided by someone who is understandably uncomfortable. She could indeed be dishonest just like anyone else can. If he is not comfortable with a relationship, he should move on and not cause more discomfort for this person he has no intention of following thru with. He asked for one picture. I see nothing wrong with that at all. I've asked people for additional pictures when they've only shared one or two to start with. he asked for her to hold up a sign which was childish and rude - that was the original issue otherwise I see no problem with asking for a picture either, totally agree - especially talking with someone who has none or only 1 or 2 posted or when they aren't recent - and it involves a travel or time investment to meet if he didn't trust me to post accurate photos after talking to me on the phone for 4 hours....ummmm no besides that is what the meet up is for - only so much that can be gleaned online, photos or no photos - for me personally, I just did not like the way he handled things at all. Unfortunately, not everyone online is trustworthy. We have to do what makes us comfortable. If I feel like I have not seen recent enough, or clear enough pictures to pick someone out of a crowd when I first meet them, I will certainly ask for more. I share pictures of what I look like and I expect anyone I consider meeting to do the same. A first meeting should not make me surprised about what someone looks like. If it does, that person was not being honest about how they look. true it is the way he handled it (the rude and childish part) that I find objectionable and he would have lost me on that - but any type of pushiness does lose me - so what works for one may not for another and yes, pick them out of a crowd? I hope that is what he was doing - meeting in a public place - just for her own safety

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Wed 02/15/12 07:25 AM
Sing, its not about YOUR reasons, its about consideration for the other person, and THEIR reasons. It's about both. You may not agree and that's fine. If you don't want to ask people for additional pictures, that is your choice. If someone I ask doesn't want to share another picture, that's their choice. It's all about choices and preferences. You are correct, but what I had asked was if someone told you that sharing pictures was difficult, and they sent one, would you then ask for more...knowing that it made them uncomfortable. I like pics and wont meet someone that doesnt provide one. If I met someone online that shared one but also told me they were uncomfortable doing so, I would not ask for more, unless it was too blurry to make out. I agree completely...he totally sideswiped her feelings (I can't believe she is meeting him!) this is what the meet is FOR - to assess whether the person is who u r expecting

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Wed 02/15/12 07:29 AM
Daddytime says" Here is my issue I have no trust for people online, So you ask people online for advice? Sorry, I have not read the thread, but my first impression is that she is not telling the truth. Sounds like a load of bull. Tell her to download skype and you can have a face to face conversation. Call her bluff. why would u think she is the one hiding anything - they had a 4 hr phone conversation? He could be the one hiding things? I mean - who knows? People, women in particular, can be very sensitive about scars

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Wed 02/15/12 07:30 AM
Sing, have these people suffered injury, and told you they are uncomfortable with their appearance, then sent one anyway? And afterward, did you then request more? I don't need to give anyone but them reasons why I asked for more pictures. Each case is different. Just like the OP's situation. if someone asks me for a picture they defintely need to tell me why they want it

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Wed 02/15/12 07:33 AM
I'm a bit more cynical with people I have not known for very long. People can tell you they are emotionally hurting and embarrassed, but that doesn't mean it's the truth. I know, I know....kinda harsh, but this IS the internet and you just don't know who anyone is. Obviously, I feel much more confident with those I have known here for years and they have consistently been the same person they claim to be. But, new people...yeah, I don't trust them. agreed Ruth but they had a 4 hr phone convo for me - I'd rather several shorter convos at different times of day to make sure he isn't married if I call a man repeatedly and he don't answer - he gotta wife or GF

Optomistic69 Joined Mon 10/10/11 Posts: 5173	Wed 02/15/12 07:37 AM Edited by Optomistic69 on Wed 02/15/12 07:41 AM
Daddytime says" Here is my issue I have no trust for people online, So you ask people online for advice? Sorry, I have not read the thread, but my first impression is that she is not telling the truth. Sounds like a load of bull. Tell her to download skype and you can have a face to face conversation. Call her bluff. I wish I had known you six months ago. I would have taken that advice I would have saved myself a lot wasted time....why people deceive I really do understand...flirting is one thing but deceit is another stage entirely.