Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Do woman change after marriage
LexFonteyne Joined Thu 12/07/06 Posts: 32131	Fri 01/06/12 01:55 PM
I've heard it said that: 1. Women marry, hoping to eventually change him but he doesn't change. 2. Men marry, hoping she'll never change but she changes. Especially after kids. I like this. I've only been married once, but I've had a lot of live-in relationships, etc., and it's really true -- they all wanted to change me (with one exception). I'm usually never with anyone long enough to where #2 (above) kicks in, but on those occasions when I've run into an old ex years later, they have inevitably changed so much that I'm glad I managed to get out when I did.

Jeanniebean Joined Wed 01/30/08 Posts: 40028	Fri 01/06/12 01:56 PM
Always be who you are. Who you are is who you want to be. Be happy. Don't let someone else tell you how you should be. And this is why I say women don't change (or men)...you are just in closer proximity and their quirks. They could very easily appear to change. Everyone has their "Sunday smile" and their "Sunday voice." And they have their dating persona also. People attempt to put their best foot forward and they will attempt to hide their flaws. They will even (horror of horrors) lie. But they don't change too much. They may mature, and learn some lessons along the way, but they will remain pretty close to who they are. I have multiple personalities, so I appear to change a lot. Some of my personalities don't even agree with each other. If you know me, you know many people. There are many people inside of me.

Jeanniebean Joined Wed 01/30/08 Posts: 40028	Fri 01/06/12 02:03 PM Edited by Jeanniebean on Fri 01/06/12 02:06 PM
I've heard it said that: 1. Women marry, hoping to eventually change him but he doesn't change. 2. Men marry, hoping she'll never change but she changes. Especially after kids. I like this. I've only been married once, but I've had a lot of live-in relationships, etc., and it's really true -- they all wanted to change me (with one exception). I'm usually never with anyone long enough to where #2 (above) kicks in, but on those occasions when I've run into an old ex years later, they have inevitably changed so much that I'm glad I managed to get out when I did. If you think a woman has changed, then you never really got to know her (the real her) in the first place. Very few men take the time or have the depth of observation to actually really know their woman, or any woman. I hope this does not sound sexist, but men are just too self absorbed. (Women can be very self absorbed also so its not really sexist.) To know someone you must attempt to understand them. To understand them, they have to be honest about revealing who they are. Most people put on such a front they don't know how to be honest about who they are. You have to read between the lines. Ever watch the Mentalist? He is very good at summing people up. That kind of skill is invaluable. (I wish I had it.) It is a case of being introverted or extroverted. For an introvert its all about them. The world revolves around them and their wants and needs. For an extrovert, the attention is placed on the other person. You observe and get to know them, and learn what they want and need and try to help them get it.

Ahmadshabbir Joined Tue 01/03/12 Posts: 11	Sat 01/07/12 09:16 AM
Matter is that everyone have their own thinking n experience of life, n i m too young to be marry, yes after marriage i can talk about it but not now

oldhippie1952 Joined Mon 03/14/11 Posts: 22693	Sat 01/07/12 09:50 AM
Always be who you are. Who you are is who you want to be. Be happy. Don't let someone else tell you how you should be. And this is why I say women don't change (or men)...you are just in closer proximity and their quirks. They could very easily appear to change. Everyone has their "Sunday smile" and their "Sunday voice." And they have their dating persona also. People attempt to put their best foot forward and they will attempt to hide their flaws. They will even (horror of horrors) lie. But they don't change too much. They may mature, and learn some lessons along the way, but they will remain pretty close to who they are. I have multiple personalities, so I appear to change a lot. Some of my personalities don't even agree with each other. If you know me, you know many people. There are many people inside of me. I just let it all hang out: the good, the bad, the ugly. If they don't like me, fine. If they do, finer yet.

iam4u Joined Fri 10/13/06 Posts: 30096	Sat 01/07/12 10:08 AM Edited by iam4u on Sat 01/07/12 10:11 AM
I once thought of getting a ring 4 my babies mother but What are the benefits to getting married? EVERYTHING,,,YOU make them BECOME... First thoughts,,IF YOU LOVE HER,,,then WHY NOT? Then,,Just think how that will make her feel in her heart,,IF SHE SHARES YOUR LOVE BACK.. AND THEN,,, The REASON I FIRST TOOK A WIFE,,so my baby would NEVER HAVE TO BE ASKED ,,WHO I WAS! I STOOD-UP PROUDLY TO BE AND SHOW HIM AND THIS WORLD,,,I WAS HIS DADDY!!!! That was thirty two years ago,,and I have NEVER HAD ANY REGRETS, Only Blessed with the LOVE of my son who IS NOW a DAD to HIS KIDS. LIFE GOES ON PAST YOU,,and its UP TO YOU,,to make a GOOD DIFFERENCE in YOUR BABIES LIVES.... May God help you SEE,,Good Luck.

Jeanniebean Joined Wed 01/30/08 Posts: 40028	Sat 01/07/12 02:29 PM
I once thought of getting a ring 4 my babies mother but What are the benefits to getting married? EVERYTHING,,,YOU make them BECOME... First thoughts,,IF YOU LOVE HER,,,then WHY NOT? Then,,Just think how that will make her feel in her heart,,IF SHE SHARES YOUR LOVE BACK.. AND THEN,,, The REASON I FIRST TOOK A WIFE,,so my baby would NEVER HAVE TO BE ASKED ,,WHO I WAS! I STOOD-UP PROUDLY TO BE AND SHOW HIM AND THIS WORLD,,,I WAS HIS DADDY!!!! That was thirty two years ago,,and I have NEVER HAD ANY REGRETS, Only Blessed with the LOVE of my son who IS NOW a DAD to HIS KIDS. LIFE GOES ON PAST YOU,,and its UP TO YOU,,to make a GOOD DIFFERENCE in YOUR BABIES LIVES.... May God help you SEE,,Good Luck. Bravo!! Be a daddy to your kid. He needs a daddy.

MariahsFantasy Joined Mon 11/28/11 Posts: 6593	Sat 01/07/12 04:10 PM
Always be who you are. Who you are is who you want to be. Be happy. Don't let someone else tell you how you should be. And this is why I say women don't change (or men)...you are just in closer proximity and their quirks. They could very easily appear to change. Everyone has their "Sunday smile" and their "Sunday voice." And they have their dating persona also. People attempt to put their best foot forward and they will attempt to hide their flaws. They will even (horror of horrors) lie. But they don't change too much. They may mature, and learn some lessons along the way, but they will remain pretty close to who they are. I have multiple personalities, so I appear to change a lot. Some of my personalities don't even agree with each other. If you know me, you know many people. There are many people inside of me. I just let it all hang out: the good, the bad, the ugly. If they don't like me, fine. If they do, finer yet. Can I steal this way of thinking for the rest of my life? K, thanks.

Grim14u Joined Sun 01/01/12 Posts: 390	Sat 01/07/12 04:27 PM
Everyone changes after marriage......... I think it's a.......Curse!!!!!!! Or God has a twisted sense of humor!!!!

Jeanniebean Joined Wed 01/30/08 Posts: 40028	Sat 01/07/12 05:12 PM
Everyone changes after marriage......... I think it's a.......Curse!!!!!!! Or God has a twisted sense of humor!!!! Yep everything changes. People begin to get possessive of each other. The "where have you been?" and "Where are you going?" questions start. Then the "Aren't you coming to bed?" They take each other for granted. They don't get dressed up any more for each other. They take less baths. They gain weight. They argue over the remote. etc.

patsfan64 Joined Fri 03/14/08 Posts: 1258	Sat 01/07/12 05:17 PM
EVERYONE changes. It's just the nature of being human. She's soooooo right, it's called growth. Sometimes we don't grow together or at the same rate. The lucky ones do.

skywisper Joined Mon 03/21/11 Posts: 1213	Sat 01/07/12 06:06 PM
Yes they do change lol.

indianadave4 Joined Wed 02/09/11 Posts: 1308	Sat 01/07/12 06:18 PM Edited by indianadave4 on Sat 01/07/12 06:23 PM
I've heard it said that: 1. Women marry, hoping to eventually change him but he doesn't change. 2. Men marry, hoping she'll never change but she changes. Especially after kids. huge mistakes I think men tend to cling to their youth harder, because few roles in their life come with expectation for them to do anything but whereas women, especially after becoming mothers, are expected to take on alot more responsibility which makes it harder to cling to being 'young',,,they have a much higher expectation in society to 'grow up' although its more acceptable now than in the past for women to be their kids 'friends' and not have to grow up,,,, I will remain calm on this one! I hope! So men are lazy burdens on society and the family? We do nothing and contribute nothing to family life except donate sperm? The woman does everything? This is the falsehood of todays feminists movement: men are a dispensable commodity. We don't carry our weight. I argue this logic. Of the men I knew they busted their butts around the house. I changed my fair share of diapers and stayed up many a night with a colicky son. When I visited friends they were sweeping carpets, mowing the lawn, changing the oil in the wifes car, etc. This stereo typical classification is a bit upsetting. Maybe individual women here had a jerk for a husband but don't put us all in the same box. ------------ OT: It's not that women's personalities change but their priorities after kids come. The husband is, eventually, put into the back seat.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Sat 01/07/12 06:35 PM
change what? socks? panties? towels in th powder room? yes but we like it if u help....with all of those changes BTW

shenoy143 Joined Sat 01/07/12 Posts: 8	Mon 01/09/12 11:45 PM
that is secret for thm but thy change No to mention, it makes a woman feel loved and respected.

Helen227 Joined Sun 01/01/12 Posts: 35	Tue 01/10/12 12:06 AM
when you can't from one to ten percent,you discover eight percent of the women change after marriages.marrage is different from courtship.in courtship women try to be in their best behavour in taking care of their body,dressing good and looking beautiful.while in marriage all they can think about is taking care of the children,husband and the house.they forget about their own needs.

Ruth34611 Joined Sat 08/02/08 Posts: 32402	Tue 01/10/12 06:22 AM
klc, I agree with you. I had that kind of husband and it was marriage crushing. The thing is though...I work with a deputy who is married with three little children at home. His wife doesn't work outside the home but takes care of the home and children full time. Because she is home all day with the kids, as soon as he comes home (from a long day of work) he takes over for her so she can have a rest. He takes care of the kids so she can go out on a regular basis to do what she wants. He bathes the kids, feeds them, plays with them....he is "driving the car with the kids in the back seat" as you put it. He also works very hard to manage his work schedule in order to be there for his family. Now here's the interesting part....his fellow deputies and other co-workers say he is "whipped" and needs to stand up to his wife. They think he does too much for her. He is one of the few police officers I know who doesn't cheat on his wife either. But, that's not really the point. I guess my point is that society is not very supportive of the man who does what you (and I) suggest.

machug Joined Sun 09/04/11 Posts: 6601	Tue 01/10/12 06:30 AM
OT: It's not that women's personalities change but their priorities after kids come. The husband is, eventually, put into the back seat. If the man winds up in the back seat, he has chosen his location. He could also choose to drive the car with the kids in the back seat. If not, he may as well strap himself in to the safety seat with the kids, and grab a sippy cup. That woman is taking care of what she is legally obligated to take care of. Ask child protective services. I wonder why that doesnt happen to men much. They sure seem to complain about it, but those who do, dont take over any of the responsibilities. Interesting that you chose to equate men who mow the lawn or change the oil (done seasonally, or rarely) to breakfast lunch and dinner preparation, as well as dishes after each, wiping, dusting, sanitising, and laundry at least once every two days making regular appointments transporting to appointments, teaching behavior so they will know how to behave without getting in trouble, entertaining in a way that keeps them engaged and learning, and creating opportunities for learning about a healthy lifestyle and social interaction, as well as independence. Thanks for vacuuming. I wonder why youre in the back seat. It would be nice if you could drive just to provide a break, so she has the energy to thank you, or carry you to the front seat where she will prolly have to strap you in. Im so lucky to know men who dont 'change the oil in her car, or mow the lawn'. I can do that easy peasy because those are cushy jobs. I know men who make breakfast lunch and dinner, and do the dishes after, and dust, wipe, sanitise, do laundry, teach their kids to behave with fine manners, and take them camping and share who they are and learn about who their kids are to encourage positive development and see that men do all the things to take care of themselves just like women. You surely would not like their company. They respect women who do the same. AND...work full time. If the man doesn't share in the responsibilities and extra work, there is little to no time left in her day for much else. What little time is left, she gives her man...and too often, there is never time for herself.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Tue 01/10/12 06:50 AM
I've heard it said that: 1. Women marry, hoping to eventually change him but he doesn't change. 2. Men marry, hoping she'll never change but she changes. Especially after kids. huge mistakes I think men tend to cling to their youth harder, because few roles in their life come with expectation for them to do anything but whereas women, especially after becoming mothers, are expected to take on alot more responsibility which makes it harder to cling to being 'young',,,they have a much higher expectation in society to 'grow up' although its more acceptable now than in the past for women to be their kids 'friends' and not have to grow up,,,, well really there are 2 kinds of men - the ones who also change after children are born and take on the role of "father" in a responsible way and those who continue to behave like they are 18 guess which one most women want?

machug Joined Sun 09/04/11 Posts: 6601	Tue 01/10/12 06:52 AM
klc, I agree with you. I had that kind of husband and it was marriage crushing. The thing is though...I work with a deputy who is married with three little children at home. His wife doesn't work outside the home but takes care of the home and children full time. Because she is home all day with the kids, as soon as he comes home (from a long day of work) he takes over for her so she can have a rest. He takes care of the kids so she can go out on a regular basis to do what she wants. He bathes the kids, feeds them, plays with them....he is "driving the car with the kids in the back seat" as you put it. He also works very hard to manage his work schedule in order to be there for his family. Now here's the interesting part....his fellow deputies and other co-workers say he is "whipped" and needs to stand up to his wife. They think he does too much for her. He is one of the few police officers I know who doesn't cheat on his wife either. But, that's not really the point. I guess my point is that society is not very supportive of the man who does what you (and I) suggest. Ruth, thats so true. If a mom is a 'stay at home' variety, some dads assume she should be on duty 24/7. He obviously realises that they share the parenting job. They both put in a full day of work and then it continues. He shouldnt be off the clock if she isnt. I assume the 'do what she wants' is a hot cuppa joe, then makes dinner while he's bathin the younguns. He probably also speaks to his kids and gets to know them making them feel like they are worth something. Ive also seen women who never get to 'retire' from their position of care giver to their husbands who DO retire, and then do not take up the responsibilies of running their own home and health. Ridiculous. So true. I had one of those. I was NEVER off the clock. It is soul crushing. I now have to find myself again.