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| Topic: Microwave relationships | |
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Darn it. I thought this was a "how to" thread. I had my microwave all ready to go. If only ma honey 
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...come to think of it, my oven needs a good cleaning. *yawn*
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This is a bit of a contradiction for me because I believe that if I met someone that is mutually compatible, over time, once trust, respect, likeability, love etc had been established, a partner, can be moulded (for lack of a better word), into my ideal I dont understand the moulding idear. If youre compatible and have trust and respect, you would not do this. I don't get that either. |
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This is a bit of a contradiction for me because I believe that if I met someone that is mutually compatible, over time, once trust, respect, likeability, love etc had been established, a partner, can be moulded (for lack of a better word), into my ideal I dont understand the moulding idear. If youre compatible and have trust and respect, you would not do this. It's a power-trip, ain't it... nothing to do with love. (but what do I know?) |
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This is a bit of a contradiction for me because I believe that if I met someone that is mutually compatible, over time, once trust, respect, likeability, love etc had been established, a partner, can be moulded (for lack of a better word), into my ideal I dont understand the moulding idear. If youre compatible and have trust and respect, you would not do this. I don't get that either. Oh wait....this must be Lex's ex. 
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This is a bit of a contradiction for me because I believe that if I met someone that is mutually compatible, over time, once trust, respect, likeability, love etc had been established, a partner, can be moulded (for lack of a better word), into my ideal And this is exactly why I can't stay in a relationship for more than 3 months. Every time I get involved with someone, she wants to CHANGE me. I don't need to be changed, I don't need to be fixed -- I'm not broken. I'm not going to be a parent, and there is simply no amount of lies, deception, manipulation, persuasion, etc., that will ever change that. I think they see this as some sort of challenge. The very things she SAYS drew her to me in the first place are the very things she tries to eliminate. This makes no sense to me. If you want THAT guy, go after him in the first place, right? What's the sense in going after his opposite and then trying to change him into something he can never be, and never wants to be? Have we evolved into a society of microwave daters i.e. those wanting effortless relationships? I don't expect an effortless relationship. Relationships are a lot of work. I do want someone who will accept me as I am. Apparently, this is not possible. And, were it not for the microwave, I would never have a hot meal! 
* I don't know how to do the split quote thing * I did say for lack of a better work when I used the word "mould" Lex  ..I wasn't referring to a 'six million dollar man' change or something that’s manipulated by someone else. More the changes that occur naturally when you go from being an "I" to a "we". Subconscious changes like not leaving the toilet seat up that happen when you are in a happy relationship. It’s not the result of someone saying...I no longer like who you are so I want you to change.
I have to say...I don’t understand someone that deliberately chooses to date someone with the express purpose of changing them at a later date (generally once they’re hooked) mentality any more than I understand the ‘I desperately want to get married’ mentality. I know and know of women that desperately wanted to get married and targeted men that would get them to the alter...ultimately, the marriages didn’t last because the men didn’t live up to their expectations once the ceremony was over. |
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I did say for lack of a better work when I used the word "mould" Lex ..I wasn't referring to a 'six million dollar man' change or something that’s manipulated by someone else. More the changes that occur naturally when you go from being an "I" to a "we". Subconscious changes like not leaving the toilet seat up that happen when you are in a happy relationship. It’s not the result of someone saying...I no longer like who you are so I want you to change.
OK, let's look at that. I have to work from my own personal experiences here. I see "mould" as basically synonymous with "change" -- I looked up the dictionary definition and I got this: "Form (an object with a particular shape) out of easily manipulated material." Heh. "Easily manipulated material," now there's a metaphor. Granted that a relationship will lead to some compromises along the way. My point is that these compromises are supposed to be (just my opinion here) understood up front, and agreed to, by both of the parties. We're not talking about deception and lies here, we're talking about maybe we do something together that one of us wouldn't normally do alone if we had the choice. But we do it for the other person, knowing that this little gesture might turn out to be interesting after all, and it might bring us closer together. That's a whole different ballgame from the "change" I'm talking about. I have to say...I don’t understand someone that deliberately chooses to date someone with the express purpose of changing them at a later date (generally once they’re hooked) mentality any more than I understand the ‘I desperately want to get married’ mentality. I don't understand it either, but, with one exception, everyone I've been involved with has done exactly that. As for the "I want to get married" crowd, having been through that myself, all I can do is hope they come to their senses. I know and know of women that desperately wanted to get married and targeted men that would get them to the alter...ultimately, the marriages didn’t last because the men didn’t live up to their expectations once the ceremony was over. Well, that sounds like "unsuccessful change" to me. Expectations need to be put out there on the table early on in the process. Believe me, when they're sprung on you without any warning, it never works out very nicely. |
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This is a bit of a contradiction for me because I believe that if I met someone that is mutually compatible, over time, once trust, respect, likeability, love etc had been established, a partner, can be moulded (for lack of a better word), into my ideal I dont understand the moulding idear. If youre compatible and have trust and respect, you would not do this. It's a power-trip, ain't it... nothing to do with love. (but what do I know?) I think there's definitely a power-trip element to it. "I can change him." It's a project, it's a mission, it's a goal. "If I can accomplish this, it will prove that I'm more important to him than his own beliefs and values." There's a disturbing insecurity behind that sort of mentality, one I've seen all too often, and one that I want nothing to do with. Anyone who NEEDS that kind of power over another person is not someone I would be comfortable with. |
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This is a bit of a contradiction for me because I believe that if I met someone that is mutually compatible, over time, once trust, respect, likeability, love etc had been established, a partner, can be moulded (for lack of a better word), into my ideal I dont understand the moulding idear. If youre compatible and have trust and respect, you would not do this. I don't get that either. Oh wait....this must be Lex's ex.
With one exception, none of my exes can write or spell that well. |
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I sure as heck don't want a relationship that seems nuked into fast forward where what I am going to get out of it is going to end up dried out and over done and tasteling like something fake and really cheezy. Give me a and old pot roast and toss in a few tater laughs, maybe even a little onion tears and snuggles at a sappy movie, make it legit with a carrot or so and let it simmer with a little slow boil passion until it is easy to chew and I'll be real satisfied to serve up the dessert. lol
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I believe in having standards and not wasting time with men that do not meet those standards.
I'm too young to waste my time on trying to "change/fix" someone to my liking, and I have enough experience to know that if he doesn't meet my standards, I will never be completely happy. My standards aren't about looks or money or superficiality. I care about honesty, loyalty, faithfulness, etc. So I have had a lot of microwave relationships, but I promise it wasn't because they didn't have nice butts. ;) |
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Edited by
42BlackBBW
on
Sun 11/27/11 03:03 AM
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OK, let's look at that. I have to work from my own personal experiences here. I see "mould" as basically synonymous with "change" -- I looked up the dictionary definition and I got this: "Form (an object with a particular shape) out of easily manipulated material." Heh. "Easily manipulated material," now there's a metaphor. Granted that a relationship will lead to some compromises along the way. My point is that these compromises are supposed to be (just my opinion here) understood up front, and agreed to, by both of the parties. We're not talking about deception and lies here, we're talking about maybe we do something together that one of us wouldn't normally do alone if we had the choice. But we do it for the other person, knowing that this little gesture might turn out to be interesting after all, and it might bring us closer together. That's a whole different ballgame from the "change" I'm talking about. I going to stand my ground on this one . I did mean "change" when I used the word "mould" and in a way, any change that is directed/instigated by someone else, is a form of manipulation but I guess it is a case of semantics as to whether you choose to see this type of 'manipulation' as positive or negative.
In my original post, I also said that these "changes" happen over time – and I’m talking years, not months...both parties change when in a relationship. Sometimes the changes are significant and sometimes they're not. I know that I changed as a result of being in two long term (6 and 10 year) relationships. At the beginning of the six year relationship, I wasn’t as culturally and socially evolved as my then partner. When I was with him, I experienced a greater variety of cuisine, wines, literature, music – for the first time, I listened to and enjoyed (some) classical music. Prior to that, the only classical music that I heard was from adverts/commercials on tv/radio - still not a fan of it if I’m honest .
Being part of a 10 year relationship also changed me. Lee was/is a bit of an anorak and really into audio visual – I entered a new world of correct speaker distances, projectors, scart leads etc. He was also into film (particularly art house – still don’t really know what this is) and live music. All I know is that we rarely went to see something that hadn’t been reviewed and yes, it did sometimes take the spontaneity out of things but I knew this was who he is and I wanted to be with, so I adapted. I also dragged him along to things that he barely tolerated...ok..absolutely hated as well .
In both of these relationships, both parties were willingly and sometimes unwillingly moulded (still don’t think this is the right word) into being a more suitable partner(s). |
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Edited by
42BlackBBW
on
Sun 11/27/11 03:06 AM
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I sure as heck don't want a relationship that seems nuked into fast forward where what I am going to get out of it is going to end up dried out and over done and tasteling like something fake and really cheezy. Give me a and old pot roast and toss in a few tater laughs, maybe even a little onion tears and snuggles at a sappy movie, make it legit with a carrot or so and let it simmer with a little slow boil passion until it is easy to chew and I'll be real satisfied to serve up the dessert. lol I agree, but times (and people) are changing. History has already proven that societies evolve
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I believe in having standards and not wasting time with men that do not meet those standards. I'm too young to waste my time on trying to "change/fix" someone to my liking, and I have enough experience to know that if he doesn't meet my standards, I will never be completely happy. My standards aren't about looks or money or superficiality. I care about honesty, loyalty, faithfulness, etc. So I have had a lot of microwave relationships, but I promise it wasn't because they didn't have nice butts. ;) Having preferences does not make anyone a 'bad person'. Everyone has them...some are more honest about admitting what those preferences are to themselves and others. Welcome fellow microwaver
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This is a bit of a contradiction for me because I believe that if I met someone that is mutually compatible, over time, once trust, respect, likeability, love etc had been established, a partner, can be moulded (for lack of a better word), into my ideal I dont understand the moulding idear. If youre compatible and have trust and respect, you would not do this. It's a power-trip, ain't it... nothing to do with love. (but what do I know?) The "force" can be used for good as well as evil young Padawan .
Not all change is 'bad'. If you think about it, throughout our lives we are being moulded. The judicial system attempts to mould us into law abiding citizens and 'punishes' those that aren't. That's a form of manipulation based on power. The education that we receive attempts to mould us. So does religion but I'm so not going there!!! .
Personally, I think how we perceive change is based on how it is interpreted and delivered. |
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I believe in having standards and not wasting time with men that do not meet those standards. I'm too young to waste my time on trying to "change/fix" someone to my liking, and I have enough experience to know that if he doesn't meet my standards, I will never be completely happy. My standards aren't about looks or money or superficiality. I care about honesty, loyalty, faithfulness, etc. So I have had a lot of microwave relationships, but I promise it wasn't because they didn't have nice butts. ;) Oh yes I forgot patience, kindness, and a nice butt. |
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A while back I told you guys about a friend of mine who is "one great guy". Some thought it was cool that I was doing this and others I'm sure rolled their eyes as they do with about anything, always taking the slightly negative or critical view. Well, I'm very happy to announce that my friend is one step away from the life time love he has always sought. How did this happen? It's simple, they both came together as open as possible. Money was not a main issue, nor was looks, nor was what is right or wrong about each other. In fact when they first met and he was seeing her and maybe one or 2 more on a first meet type of thing I told him that he needed to run toward this woman and let her run toward him and watch what happens. I've seen this before and it hardly ever fails. If a person is spending their time being picky over things that don't matter they might as well hang up their dating cap or get ready for a relationship that is going to be painful. Sometimes, many times we are so closed minded that we don't see the beauty around us. When you were in high school remember how there were some in your class that you thought were hot and others not so much? After you got out of school and a couple of years went by you ran into those not so hot ones and said wow! remember? Well, open your eyes people. You are your own worse enemy much of the time. Dating today can really stink with all of it's fake seasonings. If your hungry jump in and prepare your food. If the ones you meet aren't ready for your level of maturity move on. If you happen to have a fast food date, so? Don't judge yourself or your love life by this. Maybe even getting dumped quickly could be the best thing that could ever happen to you. You don't know what's going to flip that switch for you and them so why try to analyze it to death. Here's a way I know if someone is ready for a real responsible relationship. After meeting someone do you look at their negatives or positives? Do you see what you perceive as their faults to be something they need to change or something that has potential for them under the right conditions? When I see people always jumping to judge way before they look into the whys and possibilities I shake my head and say "long way to go". You know what I think are the number one and two qualities in a mate over any other including looks? patience and kindness. If these two are genuine there is a beauty that glows around a person. No offense intended MG as I have come to appreciate your non jocular comments but as I said to my friend (who is in a relationship)..it's easier to comment when your not on the playing field
Thank you, I think. |
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A while back I told you guys about a friend of mine who is "one great guy". Some thought it was cool that I was doing this and others I'm sure rolled their eyes as they do with about anything, always taking the slightly negative or critical view. Well, I'm very happy to announce that my friend is one step away from the life time love he has always sought. How did this happen? It's simple, they both came together as open as possible. Money was not a main issue, nor was looks, nor was what is right or wrong about each other. In fact when they first met and he was seeing her and maybe one or 2 more on a first meet type of thing I told him that he needed to run toward this woman and let her run toward him and watch what happens. I've seen this before and it hardly ever fails. If a person is spending their time being picky over things that don't matter they might as well hang up their dating cap or get ready for a relationship that is going to be painful. Sometimes, many times we are so closed minded that we don't see the beauty around us. When you were in high school remember how there were some in your class that you thought were hot and others not so much? After you got out of school and a couple of years went by you ran into those not so hot ones and said wow! remember? Well, open your eyes people. You are your own worse enemy much of the time. Dating today can really stink with all of it's fake seasonings. If your hungry jump in and prepare your food. If the ones you meet aren't ready for your level of maturity move on. If you happen to have a fast food date, so? Don't judge yourself or your love life by this. Maybe even getting dumped quickly could be the best thing that could ever happen to you. You don't know what's going to flip that switch for you and them so why try to analyze it to death. Here's a way I know if someone is ready for a real responsible relationship. After meeting someone do you look at their negatives or positives? Do you see what you perceive as their faults to be something they need to change or something that has potential for them under the right conditions? When I see people always jumping to judge way before they look into the whys and possibilities I shake my head and say "long way to go". You know what I think are the number one and two qualities in a mate over any other including looks? patience and kindness. If these two are genuine there is a beauty that glows around a person. No offense intended MG as I have come to appreciate your non jocular comments but as I said to my friend (who is in a relationship)..it's easier to comment when your not on the playing field
Thank you, I think. I just meant that 9 times out of 10, I appreciate your brain more than your humour
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A while back I told you guys about a friend of mine who is "one great guy". Some thought it was cool that I was doing this and others I'm sure rolled their eyes as they do with about anything, always taking the slightly negative or critical view. Well, I'm very happy to announce that my friend is one step away from the life time love he has always sought. How did this happen? It's simple, they both came together as open as possible. Money was not a main issue, nor was looks, nor was what is right or wrong about each other. In fact when they first met and he was seeing her and maybe one or 2 more on a first meet type of thing I told him that he needed to run toward this woman and let her run toward him and watch what happens. I've seen this before and it hardly ever fails. If a person is spending their time being picky over things that don't matter they might as well hang up their dating cap or get ready for a relationship that is going to be painful. Sometimes, many times we are so closed minded that we don't see the beauty around us. When you were in high school remember how there were some in your class that you thought were hot and others not so much? After you got out of school and a couple of years went by you ran into those not so hot ones and said wow! remember? Well, open your eyes people. You are your own worse enemy much of the time. Dating today can really stink with all of it's fake seasonings. If your hungry jump in and prepare your food. If the ones you meet aren't ready for your level of maturity move on. If you happen to have a fast food date, so? Don't judge yourself or your love life by this. Maybe even getting dumped quickly could be the best thing that could ever happen to you. You don't know what's going to flip that switch for you and them so why try to analyze it to death. Here's a way I know if someone is ready for a real responsible relationship. After meeting someone do you look at their negatives or positives? Do you see what you perceive as their faults to be something they need to change or something that has potential for them under the right conditions? When I see people always jumping to judge way before they look into the whys and possibilities I shake my head and say "long way to go". You know what I think are the number one and two qualities in a mate over any other including looks? patience and kindness. If these two are genuine there is a beauty that glows around a person. No offense intended MG as I have come to appreciate your non jocular comments but as I said to my friend (who is in a relationship)..it's easier to comment when your not on the playing field
Thank you, I think. I just meant that 9 times out of 10, I appreciate your brain more than your humour
Just when I was starting to think you wanted me for my body. thanks |
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Thank you, I think. I just meant that 9 times out of 10, I appreciate your brain more than your humour
Just when I was starting to think you wanted me for my body. thanks That was before I started my shallow free diet |
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