No, I would not be the end of the world but despite being an outwardly confident and outgoing, I am also intrinsically shy so therefore, I would not ask out a guy unless I was 100% certain of the outcome.

Not necessarily. I don't mind being the pursuee one bit. In fact, I don't remember EVER asking the girl out! If they want it, they gotta come get it!

Start a conversation with him (email), if he participates in forums, read his posts, post to him, test the water......Nudge him....Once you have accomplished this much, learn to read between the lines. You'll know if he is interested....And be brave!...What's the worst that can happen?...Thanks, but no thanks....That's way better than a "What if" isn't it?

Good luck!

I think she was talking about a guy she met in person.

wrong! weeks ago, a lady asked me out n guess what? I fall into her trap n realised she was using me! Not all gentlemen are supposed to make first step n it irritates me that in most cases men makes the first move.

I wondered, but it's still good advice for online, yes? So for offline, go for it babe, nothing to lose, everything to gain!!

For online, sure. Except for the nudging part, as I don't recommend nudging to get someone's attention.

I didn't ask Stephen out, I just walked up to his bus, and said, if you are not doing anything, want to take a walk on the beach under the full moon?

And whilst we were walking, I shared that I found myself very drawn to him as a person, and attracted to him as a man.

I also said it was ok, if it wasn't reciprocated, I just felt the need to share that with him.

Turns out it was the same for him....and 6 months later we are still deeply enjoying the adventure of us, my 4 kids, and his 7 kids....and all that life together offers.

Why?

If some stranger sends me a nudge and nothing else, why should I put the effort into responding with anything other than a nudge? And if I do the same, it's probably not going to get past that. Why not just send an email? It works much better.

Since I am still kind of new to the site and new to the nudge thing, I see it as an icebreaker...When I get a nudge from someone I don't know, I go to their profile and check them out...Sometimes I do nothing, sometime I nudge them back, and sometimes I write to them...It works for me because aside from meeting someone romantically, I am also hoping to make new friends...

it usually goes better when the man does the asking unless all you are looking for is something like a casual partner for sex.

remember guys will sleep with almost anyone

the only way to really know if a guy is into you (I mean me because I'm a woman - I know u are not), is to let him make the first move. if he is interested, really, he will

if a guy is interested he will make something happen- if not, or not at a high level of interest, you (a woman I mean) can ask him....but I wouldn't recommend it

If a man waits for me to ask him out I would interpret that as him not being all that interested

I think that's great Jess, but honestly I agree with morningsong

like I said before I am certain there are exceptions out there & it's great things are going well for you!

and also - I think the way you handled it - just being a casual convo - not actually asking him out was just comfortable for u both at the time - glad u guys are happy

It is a very slippery slope. There are some very manly manly men who if they are crazy about you can get way hurt if they sense any rejection and will not even try. For instance, they will try to test out the waters like, "Here let me carry that for you" and you had said, "Okay" they would have asked you out but if you say "No", they take it as rejection.

On the other hand, there are some men you would not think had it in them who are quite brazen.

Okay, I will just put it in plain English. If you like a guy and he offers to do anything for you like hold a door or carry something, etc., do not shoot his ego down. How's that?

yes but I have been in the situation tead is describing and I did want to kick myself later....where a man offerred his assistance and I said no, that's OK because I really did not need assistance was too much of a blockhead to realize that was his way of trying to get to know me

I have lots of energy - but really if a guy is too shy to ask me out than I would still interpret that to mean a lack of motivation on his part - even the shyest will figure it out - we can help them tho - I like Jess's manuver

I have charged to the car with a "No thank you" before and then another mutual friend will tell me, "Terri, he was waiting all day for an opportunity for you to be available to ask you out". Then I felt like a jerk.

I tried to respond to the nudges at first and got nothing really, except for more nudges. So, I've put something in my profile saying not to nudge me, but to email me instead. If they can't do that, then I won't respond to the nudge, because it just goes nowhere.

If it works as a good ice breaker for others, that's awesome. It just hasn't done much for me.

I spent my 20's-30's in areas where men out numbered women, sometimes as much as five to one, so my impressionable years about dating the guys just had to try harder or go home alone. So maybe that made them "refine" their "skills".

But one thing I consistently saw was if a guy liked you he would make an effort to "help" one way or another. In reality most of us are fairly independent and don't need all that "help" but as a social reflex it doesn't hurt to accept graciously.

The whole nudge thing strikes me as the equivilent of "drop the hankerchief" or look at me and if you like return the hankercheif. If not no harm no foul.