??

I have absolutely no idea where that came from..

Michael, I think you may have a point here.

And I probably should clear up a few things, because I tend to drift into hyperbole in my writing sometimes.

OK, the marriage thing: I was married once, it was bad, and I generally say I would never do it again. That's more out of inertia than anything else.

In the back of my mind, I've always felt (even though I never put it out there much) that I could possibly get married again IF I found the right person and if I could be absolutely sure that she WAS the right person. I really have no idea how I would determine this, though, so it's a little nebulous.

I signed up here looking for the "long-term relationship." Marriage is not a priority; everything else being equal, I'd prefer something long-term, maybe even permanent, that didn't involve a lot of extraneous paperwork. But nothing's been written in stone on that one.

The real problem is that I seem unable to be with anybody for more than 3-6 months. There have been a few exceptions, but the general rule is that my relationships last just long enough for them to feel comfortable with the idea of changing me into a totally different person. I don't want to be changed, end of.

So the compatibility issue looms large in the equation. One of the reasons I try to make it clear about what I'm looking for, is so that I can avoid the ubiquitous 90-day entanglements. I figure if they know from Day One that there are certain parameters I'm not going to change, maybe that weeds out the non-qualifiers. It hasn't really worked out that way, but that was the intention.

So there would have to be a number of slow and deliberate steps made before anything along the lines of marriage could even be considered. I'm not necessarily against that, I'm not ruling it out; it's just that all of the women I've known (with one exception) are simply more interested in biology than they are in being with any particular person.

Nietzsche wrote "Man is for woman a means: the purpose is always the child." And, even though he wrote that 130 years ago, it still seems to hold true. And if I'm going to be in a relationship with somebody, it's going to have to be for something other than being a sperm donor.

People have mentioned to me that I seem "intimidating and complicated" for various reasons, but I just don't see any of them. I won't really consider myself a successful author until I get to Stephen King-level, until there's a "Moving Day" movie out there, until there are t-shirts and coffee mugs and action figures, etc., incorporating my characters and storylines. I'm not there yet. I think it's only a matter of time and exposure, but who can see the future?

I think I'm basically a pretty normal guy with a good vocabulary and
one or two interesting talents. That's all. I don't see why anyone would find that "intimidating."

so lex, does this mean that I can't know u?

The one who sent me that message yesterday, I wrote her back and said "Not unless you can come up with something better than that."

And then she decided she wanted to argue the point....

not an auspicious beginning at all, Lex

It doesn't take much of a vocabulary to describe your behavior. You're mean spirited, cynical, bitter, condescending, lonely, and your ego is 5 sizes larger than it should be. Have you ever spent the day looking at the positive qualities of people you meet? Have you ever created a thread complimenting other profiles, instead of putting them down? Have you recently gone out of your way to do something kind hearted for another human being? The world can be an ugly place, but even on a farm full of cow manure, pretty things grow.

Hmmm, you know absolutely nothing about me other than what I've written on here and you've already condemned me to the ninth level of hell because I've said things you don't find appealing.

Not my problem, is it?

You might want to try trolling elsewhere, believe me, this is not the site for it....!

And I stand by my statement above. Whether it offends you or not, it's the truth. And if it offends you at all, that's a choice you've made. Have a nice day.

WOW

Thank you. And yes, I am cynical, I've admitted that repeatedly.

But I see no need for someone to violate forum rules and attack another member here. Our Admins have established the rules for a reason, and we all agree to abide by those rules when we sign up -- it's in the Terms of Use.

I find occasion to use that one myself

I think ur right about people jumping to conclusions - a personality flaw I know I have been guilty of....and I'm not that unusual...so it may be good to temper the tendency with a knack for apology

That's what you said last time I asked, yet I'm still waiting for you to define husband material.

Hey may be cynical, but I don't agree with the rest at all. And I don't think I've ever seen Lex being mean. In fact, he's actually been more patient with people here than many others have and as a result, been nicer because of it.

..i feel that no matter how hard one tries not to change or be changed by a lasting relationship..it's impossible ..it's going to happen whether it's in a drastic way or a subtle change..or somewhere in between ..there is going to be some change..you can't have things one way then introduce another major part and not expect it to happen...it's just whether you are comfortable with it..

..who knows you may wake up one day and find yourself slightly leaning towards resembling your mate,they say that sort of thing happens ya' know..sorta like the dog resembling the master which i found quite amusing when done in cartoon form,so make sure you find an attractive mate after all who wants to get uglier..lol..anyway

..the fact is change to some degree will happen,it's just in what form and how much..but it will happen ..i have come to live with the thought that i am just a hermit..some people were just meant to be..i just figured the sooner i admitted it,the better off everyone else would be


..maybe you should write a book."The Art of Not Dating"..a reverse psychology in picking up women ..just remember if all else fails..there's always a tazer...

I agree with the premise that people do make some changes when they get into a relationship -- there are inevitably going to be some adjustments when someone new comes in and becomes a priority in your life.

But there are limits. Someone coming along and saying "Maybe you shouldn't drink so much Pepsi" -- well, I don't really want to hear that but maybe there's some legitimacy to it.

On the other hand, someone coming along and saying "I want you to be Chinese" or "You should be five inches taller" or "This is only going to work if you become a three-toed sloth" -- well, there are some things that are just pre-existing conditions.

ur more flexible than I am. I do not even want to hear "you shouldn't drink so much pepsi"

I will drink what I drink. end of story. I figure at this point in my life I am capable to make those decisions.....

any changes made to be part of a relationship will pretty much need to come from the individual making the change. Sometimes they are concious choices -sometimes a gradual blending of your habits & lifestyle > for me it had to happen in these way

and I do basically agree w/ what tombraider is saying there

The key is that, if I'm going to make some commentary about someone's literacy, etc,, I do it in a very generic way; i.e., "people who don't know the difference between 'loser' and 'looser' in profiles" or something along those lines. I never identify anyone. Even in "One Glorious Profile," those are not from this site and I remove any identifying information (such as if the person has included their name) before posting here.

I have no wish to be mean to anybody, with the possible exception of my former in-laws, none of whom are on here (as far as I know). But I do find fractured English to be amusing, and it's really that simple. And, no, I wouldn't do any better if I tried to post a profile on a foreign site in any other language. The difference is, I know better than to attempt it.

You mean like those who can't tell the difference between you're and your?

I don't think there's any problem with pointing out things like that in a generic way. That's not being mean. You haven't forced them to not be able to tell the difference between two different words.

I'd second this, klc!

And having spoken to Lex in private emails and FB, I find him to be sarcastically funny, sharp as a tack, and genuinely excited about things he likes.

Exactly. Or the ubiquitous "apostrophe-in-a-plural" construction. It's third grade stuff. Every few months there's something on the news about how the American Public School System is 238% behind Sweden or somebody. And I look at a few American profiles and I go, Yup, they're right again."



I've always believed that, in a written medium, we need to make our messages as clear and comprehensible as possible. But there are a significant number of posts here (and on every other site I've tried) where I simply have no idea what the person is trying to say. Sometimes it's textspeak, sometimes it's because it's someone from another country with little grasp of English, sometimes it's just someone with no ability to write a coherent sentence. Either way, it hampers communication. And communication is the key to getting to know somebody.