Self-Esteem Saboteurs
8 Mood-Lifting Tricks to Learn From Happy People

By Chris Iliades, MD
Medically reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MS

You gave up smoking years ago, rarely make high-calorie slipups, and only drink alcohol on occasion (we’ll cheers to that!). But are you taking care of your mental well-being? From holding grudges to people-pleasing, bad emotional habits can do a number on your stress levels — and even lead to depression.

The good news? Just as you’ve resolved to improve your physique and ward off disease, you can also enhance your emotional health by replacing bad habits with good ones. In fact, studies show that emotionally healthy people have better relationships, higher self-esteem, and a greater sense of well-being. That’s why we’re challenging you to take a look at our list of emotional-health “don’ts” — and drop them now.

Silence Gossiping

We’re all guilty of back-fence chitchat (and occasionally airing others’ dirty laundry), but if you actually enjoy talking about the misfortunes of others, this bad habit could backfire on you. "Gossip — not celebrity but the malicious kind — will isolate you from colleagues, friends, and family," advises Debbie Mandel, MA, an emotional health expert and author of Addicted to Stress. “People will fear what you say about them and will not trust you, and consequently, you may begin to feel a bit ostracized.”

Your challenge: Swap your blabber-mouthing tendency for this one: Try spreading positive stories about the people in your life, Mandel says. You’ll keep more friends this way!

Nix Your Negativity

Are you a “glass-half-empty” kind of person? It’s time to drop this bad habit now. Why? Studies show that people who are optimistic not only have better emotional health than pessimists, they also live longer. In fact, an upbeat attitude can help lessen stress, chronic pain, and even reduce your chances of developing heart disease.

Your challenge: If you’re constantly expecting the worst, remember: You get to choose your own thoughts, so why not practice replacing negative ones with positive ones?

Just Say No to People-Pleasing

Pleasing others sounds like a good thing, but there’s a tipping point: If you find yourself constantly over-extended and worrying too much about other people's problems instead of your own, you could be a “yes-man” (or woman)."Saying yes to everyone means that there is an unhealthy balance in your life," Mandel says. "The key to health and happiness is the balance between giving and receiving. And saying no when you are depleted means you are saying yes to yourself." Even more reason to say no? According to the American Medical Association, suppressing and silencing your own needs could damage your cardiovascular system.

Your challenge: Next time someone asks you to cover for him at work, watch her dog for the weekend, or for the last bite of your dessert, interject with this: “No way, José.”

Give Up Giving Up

We all have our down days, weeks — even years. But letting yourself get steamrolled by adversity is one bad habit you need to bag pronto. In fact, studies show that one of the most important aspects of emotional health is resilience. The opposite of giving up? Bouncing back. According to the American Psychological Association, people who are resilient learn how to balance their emotions, deal with their problems, and ask for help when they need it.

Your challenge: Instead of adopting a “woe-is-me” attitude the next time you have a bad day, think of something that you feel fortunate for in your life (your cat Fluffy, an upcoming vacation, or the delicious dinner you had last night) — and march forward.

Let Go of That Grudge (Once and for All)

Holding grudges is more than just a bad habit: It can seriously harm your emotional health. While anger and resentment can cause your stress levels to snowball, research shows that forgiveness leads to less stress, lower blood pressure, and a reduced risk for depression. Remember: Begrudging hurts you more than the person you’re angry with.

Your challenge: Has someone been the butt of your grudge for too long? Find a way to forgive her — now.

Ditch the Self-Digs

Are you the object of your own ridicule? You may not realize it, but if you constantly put yourself down, over-apologize, or can’t seem to accept a compliment, you could be wrecking your self-esteem. "Many of us can’t accept a compliment so we use self-deprecating humor or counter the compliment with a negative trait,” Mandel says. “For example, 'You look great today.' 'Who me? No, I gained five pounds.' Your words actualize your thoughts.”

Your challenge: Next time someone pays you a complement, say thanks! “Speak about yourself in the positive, and you will actualize your beliefs,” says Mandel. “There is great power in the placebo effect."

Stop Taking Yourself So Seriously

Turns out, laughter may be one of the best protectors of your heart. According to a study presented at a meeting of the American Heart Association, people who laughed less were more likely to have heart disease than those who knew how to let out a good chuckle. Being able to find amusement in life's strange twists and turns helps you put things in proper perspective.

Your challenge: Discover a joke that makes you LOL — and share it!

Quit Worrying About What Others Think

A study of 600 college students found that those who based their self-worth on external factors (such as their appearance or grades) were more likely to experience emotional health issues like anger, anxiety, and poor relationships. On the other hand, those who based their self-esteem on being a good person and helping others were healthier emotionally and enjoyed a stronger self-esteem.

Your challenge: Create a goal that is bigger than yourself — this may just be the best emotional health habit of all.



Since we know that happiness is internal not external, this is a great start.

These are things I utilize myself and I can tell you my happiness levels are good.

Thank You!!

YW

Very nice!!!!!

Thank you! Wonderful words full of wisdom!

The best way to be happy, is to make good friends that love you!

All good advice, especially "Ditch the Self-Digs" on a site like this. I never got the self deprecating humor and it generally shows someone is unhappy with who they are.

thanks for the reminder

YW, I need to be reminded myself at times.

I am a work in progress...
Thanks for the good reminders.

Yeh that one was the only one that I need to work on. I am a pretty happy person but I criticize myself a lot.

So do this for fun: Look in the mirror and say: "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Words to live by may we all take time within each day and learn what makes us happy for a change and enjoy those things...

Thanks for posting that.

Always be good to yourself!

and not------>

Wise! For me, these two go hand in hand.

Although, I often laugh at myself.... I don't consider it a "self dig".
It's about knowing yourself and being able to laugh and share quirks or dumb habits... We all have em, so why not enjoy our differences in personalities?

Always put your best foot forward?... BAH! Boring.

Johnny's happy tip:
Always smile and chuckle in the mirror when you're brushing your teeth.

Yeah thanks, now I have to clean my mirror.

Johnny's happy tip:
Always smile and chuckle in the mirror when you're brushing your teeth. UNLESS YOU'RE A GORILLA!

Have some pets.

Laughing at yourself is one thing and I don't consider that a "self dig." There are a lot of people who put themselves down a lot, though. Or make fun of themselves using self deprecating humor. Those are "self digs."

Ditto.