About 5 years ago now I met a girl on Myspace and from there a friendship began. I live on one end of the country and she lives in the other end (literally.) We went from being Myspace friends and it went better when we exchanged cell numbers. We'd talk to each other about everything and anything including love advice, where we'd often joke around on dating each other cause we were so poorly treated. Weeks, months pass and our friendship got better until she had no phone service in which we lost contact for about a year, until she messaged me late last year. Early this year we talked again and caught up and revealed that we got the hots for each other. So that's when we decided to give us a go. We agreed on trying to long distance relationship and in March I purchased plane tickets to go visit her in June and spend the 4th of July together. From Jan to about April we were the best/cutest couple imaginable. Then April came along and I felt a difference in her responses to my text messages, I had an awkward feeling. She went through some life changing experiences (good friend passed away, new apartment) So I was thinking it may be some of that with added stress that caused her mood not to be so lovey dovey. Fast forwarding to June only 3 days now from meeting her in person for the first time she says somethings that brings questions to my head.

She mentioned how she wants to take things slow, she wants to treat this like we're meeting for the first time ever, she doesn't want to rush or force anything but still wants us to be together. She says there's a lot take into consideration (whichi I'm well aware of) she thinks it's best to take it all in steps and meeting before making any permenant decisions, she doesn't want to jump into anything.

My questions are... is this a set up for breaking up? Do I have reason to be upset with this girl? My feelings for her are unconditional. Has she been seeing other guys during this time? What do I do? take this and get upset or be an understanding "nice" guy and do as she says? and perhaps set myself up for another failed relationship?

Since we agreed on being together, I've been the best guy I can possibly be: Very honest, very faithful, very caring, very trusting, very thoughtful and very sweet. I'd get stuff for her and plan on giving them to her as gifts, gifts I know she'd absolutely love... I know how big of a Tim Burton fan she is, so I got her a really cool glow in the dark Nightmare before Xmas poster. Furthermore I waited in a 6 hour line for a Tim Burton signed book, he personally signed it and I took pictures of him, I'm pretty sure she will cherish this book. I've been a great guy to her this whole time.

wow! dats very interesting, i dont really think anything is wrong, she is just trying 2 sort herself out, ok? & i think u shd give her time, so u dont hav 2 be upset

It's interesting, I never thought I'd be going for someone so far away but love makes us do crazy things. I'm only going to be there for 2 weeks, I want to make as much time count as I can.

There is no way of anyone guessing whats going on. My advice to you, my friend, is take it easy and see. Go see her and see what her response is in person. When you go there take it easy. No matter how long you ahve talked on the computer, etc. IT IS THE FIRST time meeting face to face. Maybe this idea is freking her out, like (will he like the way I look, Am I too fat/ skinny for him) Its a BIG trasition. But like the saying goes, Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Go meet with all the best intentions, and see if there's a chance to build a future together.
Good Luck!!

My intentions are to further build on the relationship. I've been so patient and good with not even giving other girls the slightest look. I've told her plenty times how beautiful she is and that she is the only one for me.

Ya know, she just might be nervous and scared. Nervous that you might not really like her. People sometimes are on their "best behavior" when on line. You can't see in person what she is like when frustrated or angry. Sometimes people are telling their friends that they are meeting someone they meet on line in person for the first time and they get blasted with unwanted advice: you are setting yourself up for heart break, this guy might be crazy, and even, how do you know he is not a killer. ( I heard this one from my family when starting to online date. )

She might even feel that she might not be good enough for you or you won't like her when you meet her in person.

So what to do? Go, be easy, cool breezy. No accusations of why the change. If things go from good to bad, be prepared to see the town on your own and let it go. And do not beat yourself up over what could have been. It is a dead end path.

I have to agree with justme659, most likely shes just scared and nervous about meeting with u and probably asking herself the same questions ur asking like, have u been seeing other people this whole time? is she setting herself up for heartbreak? I have no doubt that the thought that u may kill her and chop her into little bits is floating around in the back of her mind too, thats enough to scare anybody into running away. But the fact remains this is someone ur involved with long distance or not and if u cant ask her if shes nervous or if shes been seeing other people or if shes afraid that you'll hurt her something is wrong.

IDK it almost sounds like after she finally got to meet u, she changing her mind IDK maybe i read that wrong, but i'd be scared myself of that.

people get cold feet all the time. thing is you should go over your plans and have a way out, just in case things don't go as planned. i'm sure you both have discussed living arrangements while you are in town. if you are planning to stay with her, make sure there is a hotel/motel room available close by. be prepared to make it a vacation for one. you might not be as eager to stay if things go awry

..i would have a few apprehensions,and i would agree with esebulldog,leave yourself a back door,what gets me is the loss of communications for a year..really..i mean like there are phone cards or public phones,friends phones and the like..i would be a little leary about the situation..if someone has the hots for me (as im sure most women would if they knew me)ok yea i just threw that in,but if someone had the hots for me i would think the brimsone fires from hell wouldn't keep them away for a year,,IDK..i would have to go Dick Tracey on this one a little..just to be sure.. jmo

When the Lady is panicking, it takes a calm, clearly thinking, Gentleman, to keep her, and everything else at ease.

This is a big step for both of you. Don't mess it up.

Someone mentioned that they might've read this wrong, Idk if my writing was clear, let me rewrite it again really quick.

5 years ago I met a girl and we became online friends and then it turned into friends in real life. During this time we had no intentions of dating since we lived so far apart, still as friends we lost contact for about a year. She managed to find me on Facebook and Myspace and we got in contact again. Around Jan we decided to try the long distance relationship and things were awesome. Until April when she went through some stresses. 4 days away now (yesturday) she's saying how she wants to take things slow and not rush force anything.


I can understand that she's nervous or scared about meeting someone online, cause I'm feeling it too my friends/family have given me heat on going to see this person who can be a 'guy' for all I know.


When I go I plan on being a little affectionate like holding her hand, kissing, etc and I feel like I should let my feelings flow on this girl, tell her exactly how I feel that I love her

Hey, hey, she said take things steady. At least buy the poor Girl a drink first

Living arrangements as far as I know are staying at her place, we didn't really discuss that in full detail. When I first told her I'd be going to see her we both talked about sleeping together and all, now Idk what to expect, I'm guessing the couch.


I will take things as steady as I can, I want to take her out on dates and perhaps buy her a bunch of flowers while I'm out there. I don't know the city well so my sources will be limited but I plan on romancing the hell out of her.

I don't care how well you know her. No Lady likes being presured, or forced.

If you want to kiss her, that's fine. But make sure you are certain that she wants to kiss you. Otherwise you are just going to scare the poor Girl.

She wants to take things steady. Are you even listening to her?

If you are just thinking about your own wants and needs. Then the relationship may not work very well.

Yes I'm listening to her loud and clear, I get that she may be scared. Just now she's sent me a text asking if I'm willing and able to meet up the way she wants, that she wants to figure things out face to face.

I responded with that I do understand and am willing to meet her on this however she feels ok. I told her how she's making some good sense on it, I think I'm doing well on saying the right things here.

If you are at ease, then she will be too.

Just continue to be calm with her. Right now, She doesn't need any drama.

Good luck! :D

It sounds like a case of cold feet. It's fun to have a fantasy boyfriend, but quite another for him to show up on your doorstep. I would plan to stay in a hotel at least one night. Let her meet you and maybe she'll decide that she wants you at her place, on the couch or perhaps in the bed. Respect her decisions and be a gentleman and you might cut through her nervousness and hopefully win her heart for good.

What if she's just preparing to end things with me? I'm almost seeing this whole slowing down thing as a prep for worse news. Then do I got a reason to be upset?

Did you tell her about the tickets to come visit before or after you bought them?