Is anybody out there who is dating or living with an introvert?

I am an extravert and am having a really hard time trying to get to know the man I have been dating for three months. If I try to ask him questions about most subjects he twists his face like he has just been tasered. LOL I am chatty, wich doesn't help for him, but I can not find a way to communicat with him.

How can I get him to open up? HELP

Hmm, how about trying to do things that he likes. Then slowly insert the little things here and there about certain questions that you've been wanting to ask. Start with the simply questions first and later the more intimate and personal ones. Eventually he will open up then BOOM! that's your cue. :)

It's always difficult for introverts to break out of their shell but it doesn't mean it's impossible

I do but of course I live alone. Does that count?

Seeing as how you've only been dating a few months maybe he hasn't gotten to that comfortable level yet. It could also be a warning sign. My ex was like that the entire time we were together 21 years.

Tricky, those non talkers.
I do not know that you can change that.

There is a story about a small boy
of 5 years old.
He had never spoken.
His parents had learned to deal with
it and had no expectations.

One day, at breakfast, out of nowhere
the boy said 'The toast is cold.'
The family was stunned.
'You can talk!' they cried.

'Son, why have you never spoken?'
The boy looked at them.
'Well,' he said, 'up to now everything
has been fine.'

Maybe your friend is happy the way he is.
Maybe you will have to be a good guesser.

This is a tough, a very tough subject. How do you get water to flow from a rock? Mozes did that, how many other people you know who can also do that?

The advice by the one guy is interesting, but I think you also need to slow down around him in the communications department.

why?

Because introverts are sensitive to their environment, they process too many stimuli either mentally or emotionally, and it leaves their brains no time or capacity to communicate.

You see, you ask an extravert, how was the movie. The extravert is going to tell you exactly what she thought.

The introvert? He hears the question, but in the corner of his eye he sees a vase off-centre on its rafia base, and the movie he thinks was stupid and interesting at the same time, now he has to decide which was a stronger impression on him, and he thinks of the how the seats were too close to each other, but the smell of popcorn was pleasant, yet it drove him nuts, and the main actor played a faithful wife, but his own wife cheated on him...

This goes through his mind, and of course he has no way of choosing which to say of the above.

So the upshot is, the more you try to open him up, the more questions you will ask him, and the more questions you ask him, or else the more pressure you put on him to talk, the more stimulus (mental, emotional) he's going have to worry about processing, so he feels you are flooding his brain with questions, and he looks at you as if he had just been flooded by the pain of the flooding electrons into his body from the tazer gun.

My advice? There is nothing you can do, but don't oppress him with chattering and stimulizing him.

I used to be a huge extrovert. Never opened my mouth. Then I met a woman, who was actually interested in hearing what I had to say. To top that, she was stunningly gorgeous, and she thought the world of me. So I opened my mouth then, and haven't shut it up yet once. I say whatever and whenever, and my analyisis of the overstimulation by the environment makes me come up and create associative thoughts and lateral jumps in my trains of thought like you wouldn't believe. I dazzle people, but not at all the right way. To most people most of the things I say are meaningless. To most poeple I am a smiley idiot, a smiley, talkative, blabbering dunderhead. I am short, too, and fat, which don't help.

So... I don't know if this advice helped. Maybe you are not the woman to make him talk, but count your blessings, because you may be the woman to make him love. The two are distinct and separate processes, sometimes not even partially overlapping.

Cut back the prying, the talking... if he makes a sour face, it's because he IS uncomfortable. If you feel uncomfortable when he is comfortable (during times of no talk) and he feels uncomfortable when you feel comfortable (during times of communicating) then that's bad. If you can't get around that, well,... u no how it is.

You've been "dating" a guy for three months that doesn't communicate?

And this frustrates you?

Pray tell, why are you dating him?

i just have an epiphany,,,,, love this!

I am an introvert and my ex-wife tried to get me to talk. But by the Geneva convention we are only required to give name, rank and serial number. The first Geneva convention was in 1864.

He's got a point there.
There are some things you cannot change no matter how hard you try.

Ignorance is doing something that doesn't work.
Stupidity is doing something that you KNOW doesn't work.

Hi and thanks so much for you reply to the silent guy issue. I got a little laugh from it.

I have had a few people reply and it is helping me understand a little more about intoverts. I am greatful for everyone who took the time to give me there thoughts.

Druzy

So in otherwords is it difficult to have a relationship? You just keep everything inside. Isn't that hard on you?

Any advice you think would educate me on this would be so appreciated. I think the more I learn the better I can understand him. To tell you the truth, I am starting to feel he is so secrative
who knows what is going on.

He is working in the Yukon right now and will be back next week. Something odd happened just before he left. I noticed he was on a dating site getting intouch with old friends from where he used to live. I don't see why the dating sight to communicate with friends from years ago when he was mining there. You would think by now you would be using email????

A mans point of view would be great and seeing as you are an extrovert, who better to get some understanding from..

I don't know if you can do this and if not I do appreciate you taking the time to answer.

Drizy

My ex said that we had unresolved issues. That really helped me. Not at first, of course, because we were too busy fighting and arguing about everything. That was how we communicated. We did communicate though. It just took her to pick a fight with me and get me so enraged that I would come out of my cave to talk to her. I really didn't like coming out of my cave. It was one the last peaceful places left for me. It was a great place to sulk and lick my wounds after trying to communicate with her. Unlike her I had faults and was human. I just couldn't be as perfect as her no matter how hard I tried. And the guilt trips. Oh, my, they were hard to live with. But then there was the rare sexual escapades that we would have but she saw that as opening with her and to her it was like a form of intimacy. She knew if she got me that mad I was being honest with her. It came at great cost to us both because we both knew anything gained in intimacy was fair game for the next fight. So we would both gather our ammunition while having this wonderful cease fire time but of course, we both knew it was the calm before the storm. It was like the intimacy was like the eye of the storm and we would both sleep peaceably during the time out. But after a wonderfully peaceful night and peaceful sleep we were then ready to put the gloves back on and go fangs and claws after each other again. Ah, marital bliss. Which made me wonder lately if marital bliss and ignorance is bliss have anything to do in common.

Get out the real taser. It's a real icebreaker!

So from your perspective as an introvert what would you have liked to seen? What could have made things alright, for you?

I am an army brat so I know how you are trained and just how much you guys are expected to take.

What kind of woman do you think you could have a relationship with? What could you do differantly? Do introverted men do alot of serial dating?

Do they find someone until one or the other moves on, as he is not aware of emotions?

Thanks

Druzy

I'm an intorvert, but I feel comfortable around extroverts and will open up and talk. IDK, after three months, he should be comfortable enough with you to open up atleast a little, sounds like there may be something going on there.

With the E-mail comment, and the serial dating comment, it seems you are more worried about him hiding something from you rather than his failure to share his emotions.

I am an Army brat. Dad and step dad were both Korea and Viet Nam Vets. I just think that relationships or marriage should have a demilitarized zone.

Stop asking. He will reveal himself in due time. I know because I AM and introverte!

They are very tricky, but sincere. and I think the patience is worth the payout, if you are willing to wait forever for them to finally trust you and have confidence to come out and actually converse with you. Good Luck, you may want to think about dating someone on the side until he starts showing some personality.