General question: I'm in the "getting to know you" stage with a woman who is almost 20 years older than me. I thought she was at least ten years younger than she turned out to be (she's a looker). The more I think about it I wonder why a woman her age would seriously want to deal with me. Can she possibly be completely stable emotionally and mentally? Thoughts and opinions...

Do you think something must be wrong if she likes a guy that is 20 years younger? I don't think that has anything to do with her stability.

It's funny cause I want to say that she CAN be completely stable and still want to date you. You're cute and you're not old enough to be too jaded, yet old enough that it's not creepy.

But if I personally knew a 22 year old who was dating someone so much older I wouldn't like it.

Maybe she's just a cougar or likes you. Enjoy it while you can!

generally women mature a bit faster than men so I would be a little suspect of the emotional age of one who is interested in men 20 years their junior

but its your life to decide and you dont know for sure until you know for sure,,,

Perhaps she's a cougar as the label goes and she really likes you.. I think the bottom line is what you both feel.. Personally I wouldn't date someone that much younger than me but everyone has their own criteria and I say "to each their own"... If you are attracted to one another and don't worry about labels nothing else should matter...

That's what I mean. I know that I am quite mature even compared to most men that are older than me, but I can't help but think that she isn't where she should be mentally. I can't imagine myself talking to someone much younger than me at that age. Somewhere inside, I feel like she has to be vulnerable.

Everyone has vulnerabilities. Some adapt better than others. Some are better at covering it up.

I'm 39, and I've had women from 18 to 53 try to pick me up. I've always been a bit uncomfortable with large age gaps. As time goes on, I'm becoming more comfortable with it. As a rule, I still avoid dating someone 15 years younger than me, but I have found there are a few exceptions to the rule. It's different with men in my age group though....sometimes we still want to have children (hence we look for someone younger) whereas a woman only slightly older than me may have already been there, done that. Or maybe she never wanted kids in the first place.

Point is, everyone wants to be loved, regardless of issues. However, some may not want anything serious. If she's of that type, then she's basically a cougar looking for a young stud whose not ready for a family but is willing to have a relationship....or she may just want a young stud. If she is looking for something serious, she's probably not looking for a family, but simply likes younger men.

What do you know about her background? Her relationships? Her family?

What are you looking for? Casual? Serious? Friend with benefits?

All you can do is know yourself, and get to know her. Sooner or later, you will figure out what is going on. Then you can decide how you want to deal with. But if you are looking for something serious, looking for a family, then dating a woman who's 20 years older probably isn't what you're looking for.

Think of it this way: if she's that attractive and that much older, then why is she choosing you? She may not have any stability problems at all, but she could probably get any guy she wants. What is it about you that attracts her? Truth is, you can ask probing questions that answer the question without coming across as a d**k. In fact, if you do it right, it gives you something to talk about while actually getting to know each other on a deeper level. You are the one that has to search for the answers. We can't provide them.

Personally, I think she's just looking for a fling and nothing else. I've been known to be wrong.

That's really only something she can answer for you. Have you had this talk with her?

For those that choose to be with those a lot younger or older is their choice and no one can really answer that but them....It has nothing to do with their stability more of a choice of what or whom they enjoy being with....

I wouldn't be too suspicious. May-December relationships are not all that rare. BUT, I would suspect that she's probably not thinking long-term. There are just too many practical land-mines. Haven't you ever fallen "in love" with a much younger girl? I certainly have.

What other people think is irrelevant. If you have hang ups about it then it's not right for you. For others it is. Many people are not that fussed by an age gap and for others it is just an ego boost.

You do not have to be mentally or emotionally unstable to date someone younger than yourself. If you have such concerns having met her then talk to her, if you can't do that then you have answered your own question.

I shall have to recuse myself
on this one :-)

no

she must be on some creep ish ..or some freak ish

wow

LOL

She's probably dating you for the same reasons a 42 year old man would date a 22 year old woman!

exactly, GOOD or BAD its about emotional compatibility

whatever BIOLOGICAL age two people are , its their emotional compatibility that will matter

I feel there is usually something odd about a woman who is on the emotional level of a male twenty years her junior or something exceptional about a male on the same emotional level of a female twenty years his senior (If she is at the expected emotional maturity for her years)

This emotional maturity becomes less of an issue after both parties are older than forty(not much more emotional maturing to do), but you dont appear to be even close to entering that stage in your life yet

perhaps you are just that exceptional,, but only you will know

back in the day (so to speak) people had limitations on a lot of things, and dating was one of those things. young men "courted" young women and most of the time it was supervised. with all the modern ways of communication, a man no longer has to go through a woman's family to contact her. dating can be a simple text message to agree to a "hook up" and any time length is acceptable. people tolerate more these days. may-december romances are more common. same sex romances are more common, mixed races romances, and even mikey and his doll are accepted. so it makes me wonder why some people still wonder if something that they are doing is "weird" or "normal"

I am pretty sure trying to keep up with a 24 year old young lady would kill my azz. That would be a hell of a way to go.....