I met a guy from another dating site about 6 months ago. After our 'meet' he asked me on a 2nd date. Although we found plenty to talk about, I declined as there was absolutely no chemistry on my part.

We continued to talk on line as we were both pretty lonely at the time, and we do have a very similar sense of humour. We'd occasionally get together for lunch but I always made it clear that we did this as 'friends' and at no point did we ever 'date' each other. We've been chatting on-line for about 6 months.

During this time I had dates with a few other guys, which he was fully aware of, and I've had one relationship which lasted a few months.

He contacted me last week and asked if I felt like going out to get some sushi. I said I would but was busy at the time, so said I'd contact him this week and we'd sort something out.

This week has been pretty much a disaster; I've had lots of problems I've had to deal with, so didn't manage to get together with him. I sent him this message:

'Hey! Sorry I didn't get back to you this week. Things didn't go according to plan. Want to do sushi next week? I can make any day except Friday. Get back to me when you can.'

And this is the reply I received:

'Hey. Not a problem Denni, I'm used to you just tossing me to the curb and forgetting about me. Just a way of life. I'm leaving for Ga next wednesday and may have company up to then. I don't know. Nobody ever treats me with any kind of respect. If somebody has time and is bored out of their skull, they may spend some time with me. I've gotten used to it.'

How would you respond to this?

Not a lady but...

Would not react to it at all. Say good bye wishing him the very best.

Sorry you feel that way but if I were you I wouldn't hang out with people who make you feel bad. So to do you a favor I will stop contacting you since you feel bad when I do.

I wish you the best and I hope you find someone to hang with that doesn't make you feel abused and misused.

Take care
Me

I second Dragoness, unfortunately he sees you as all the others even though you have been upfront with him.....

seems to me, he has a low self-esteem problem and is trying to make you feel guilty for it. say goodbye and bow out gracefully. he's not worth your time.

You could go with Dragoness's reply.
or......
Jean Claude Van Damne's-Au revoir baiser.

"When you pull your big boy panties back up, and get over your pity party....give me a ring...I won't play these games."

^I like this one! LOL-I put up with that pity party crap for 4 yrs with my ex and we have been split up for several months and last week he came over & started a similar discussion! So, me being done and not at all feeling bad because no one wants to be around him, just told him I was a lesbian & a cougar and didn't need him around anymore! Now he hates me & won't call so great job, eh?

"Worthwhile" men "gravitate" to women like ^^^^^ "this" Denny!!!

You used him as a friend, because you were "lonely". He held on, because he thought you might change your mind when you got to know him. He didn't realize that you were just using him and had put him into the friend zone. Yeah, maybe you said it, but he always held out hope. He didn't realize that there was no chance of you guys ever having a relationship. Now he feels rejected, depressed and lonelier than you were to begin with. You didn't relieve your loneliness, you transferred yours to him and added a heaping load of rejection. Next time you need a friend, find one who doesn't want to date you. You had a starving man feed you and then got mad when he asked if he could have something to eat.

Hahaha!.....stop it! Joel!!!


truthfully Denny....you've been clear conscise and respectful.....and he's been deceptive and disrespectful of your honesty...

he deserves a kick in the pants if nothing more than a wake up call...it's not your job to have EVERYONE like you...and it is certainly his loss, not yours.

Wise words from the basement of the lonely guy.....***hands out pinches of salt***

Thank you all so much for your replies!

I still haven't replied to him. I think I need a little more time to 'simmer down' before I do.

I know he has 'self-esteem' issues, and I know exactly what his feelings are, but he has always been insistent that he can deal with me dating other people.

I wish I'd been tougher 6 months ago now!

Go with dragoness's answer.
He isn't worth your time but respected since he is a friend.

still gravitating

gotta go, love...we're still ships in the night......xxx

See what I mean Denny?

Thank you to the guys also for your replies.

It's useful to see the male perspective on this one.

Just to clarify though: I didn't 'use' him as a friend when I was lonely. We became friends when I was lonely. That implies that I was going to 'toss him away' when I was no longer lonely, which obviously isn't the case, as I was planning to see him next week for sushi.

And, yes, he did 'hang on' in the hope that I would change my mind. I knew that, he knew that. We've had many a discussion about this in the past. I even suggested to him once that it might be easier on him if we didn't see each other any more but he was the one that insisted he didn't want to lose my friendship.

I know he's hurt, and I know he's feeling rejected but now he's making me feel like I've 'dumped' him, even though we were never dating.

Hi, interesting. You call him "Friend". Yes he's being an idiot, and insecure and trying to make you feel bad. He's lonely, Do you remember the feeling? Do you like to be kicked in the teeth from your friends. Just emphasize the fact you weren't trying to give him hope for anything relationally and you don't want to make him feel bad so maybe it's better to part ways. Be the bigger person, you did spend time with him? Tell the truth and be direct, but nice. Thats a FRIEND or just go your way since you may not be.???

Hummm myself I most likely tell him that I'm sorry you seen our relationship more then just a friendship. Sometimes things happen in life and we can not always go along with plans we have made. I feel that at this time the best thing to do is for us both to move on.

I do hope that you find whom ever it is your searching for.......


When they pull that pity party stuff it is really hard for me at times not to really just say what I want too.... As some said put on your big girl panties on and suck it up. But have found out in the end by saying something like the above in the end makes me feel better and actually makes me a better person......

But I would definitely end the friendship for he seems to have feelings for you that he can not seem to control and will continue to let it bother him..... Just too much drama for me....