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| Topic: Ladies - how would you react to this? | |
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its a dog eat dog world out there, both in business and in personal affairs...actually worse in personal since the lines are harder to recognize and easier to cross
sounds like his actions bother you suggestion - reduce the lunch get togethers |
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You used him as a friend, because you were "lonely". He held on, because he thought you might change your mind when you got to know him. He didn't realize that you were just using him and had put him into the friend zone. Yeah, maybe you said it, but he always held out hope. He didn't realize that there was no chance of you guys ever having a relationship. Now he feels rejected, depressed and lonelier than you were to begin with. You didn't relieve your loneliness, you transferred yours to him and added a heaping load of rejection. Next time you need a friend, find one who doesn't want to date you. You had a starving man feed you and then got mad when he asked if he could have something to eat. I tend to agree. The friendzone / resentment issues had to have been there, but I think it was just as much his responsibility to deal with those BEFORE they caused an out burst of inappropriate behavior. If she used him - remember he let her - we own our own behaviors - regardless. His outburst was wrong Absolutely, they are both to blame for the situation. ya usually it takes two, but I really think that male/female friendships invilte these sorts of issues unless both individuals clearly seek friendship only. And, even then one of them often wants more eventually |
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I met a guy from another dating site about 6 months ago. After our 'meet' he asked me on a 2nd date. Although we found plenty to talk about, I declined as there was absolutely no chemistry on my part. We continued to talk on line as we were both pretty lonely at the time, and we do have a very similar sense of humour. We'd occasionally get together for lunch but I always made it clear that we did this as 'friends' and at no point did we ever 'date' each other. We've been chatting on-line for about 6 months. During this time I had dates with a few other guys, which he was fully aware of, and I've had one relationship which lasted a few months. He contacted me last week and asked if I felt like going out to get some sushi. I said I would but was busy at the time, so said I'd contact him this week and we'd sort something out. This week has been pretty much a disaster; I've had lots of problems I've had to deal with, so didn't manage to get together with him. I sent him this message: 'Hey! Sorry I didn't get back to you this week. Things didn't go according to plan. Want to do sushi next week? I can make any day except Friday. Get back to me when you can.' And this is the reply I received: 'Hey. Not a problem Denni, I'm used to you just tossing me to the curb and forgetting about me. Just a way of life. I'm leaving for Ga next wednesday and may have company up to then. I don't know. Nobody ever treats me with any kind of respect. If somebody has time and is bored out of their skull, they may spend some time with me. I've gotten used to it.' How would you respond to this? Denny, it would depend on what I wanted from the relationship. He just gave you an easy out if u want it... You friend zoned him- that's prolly not what he wanted, and it sounds like there's been some resentment slowly building up, and he over reacted. But unless u have repeatedly broken off get togethers with him his response shows some immaturity - because he hasn't taken steps to deal with the resentment B4- instead just "snapping" basically What was it I said about men and women not being able to be platonic friends on that thread last month  This is a perfect example
Thanks SweetestGirl Yes, I posted in that thread too saying basically the same thing; this is the relationship I had in mind when I made my comments! His comment about me 'continually kicking him to the kerb' doesn't mean I've repeatedly broken off get-togethers. He's referring to every time I go on a date with someone new - despite the fact that I've always made it clear we're not dating. I've decided not to reply to his message. I know he's been badly hurt in the past, hence his 'rejection issues', and I don't want to 'kick him in the teeth'. If he wants to talk to me again he knows how to contact me, if he doesn't, then it would probably be better for him in the long run. have u thought about how he might interpret your not replying at all? |
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I met a guy from another dating site about 6 months ago. After our 'meet' he asked me on a 2nd date. Although we found plenty to talk about, I declined as there was absolutely no chemistry on my part. We continued to talk on line as we were both pretty lonely at the time, and we do have a very similar sense of humour. We'd occasionally get together for lunch but I always made it clear that we did this as 'friends' and at no point did we ever 'date' each other. We've been chatting on-line for about 6 months. During this time I had dates with a few other guys, which he was fully aware of, and I've had one relationship which lasted a few months. He contacted me last week and asked if I felt like going out to get some sushi. I said I would but was busy at the time, so said I'd contact him this week and we'd sort something out. This week has been pretty much a disaster; I've had lots of problems I've had to deal with, so didn't manage to get together with him. I sent him this message: 'Hey! Sorry I didn't get back to you this week. Things didn't go according to plan. Want to do sushi next week? I can make any day except Friday. Get back to me when you can.' And this is the reply I received: 'Hey. Not a problem Denni, I'm used to you just tossing me to the curb and forgetting about me. Just a way of life. I'm leaving for Ga next wednesday and may have company up to then. I don't know. Nobody ever treats me with any kind of respect. If somebody has time and is bored out of their skull, they may spend some time with me. I've gotten used to it.' How would you respond to this? Denny told him they were just friends, and unless I have been screwing up my whole life, you call/talk/email with friends when you are lonely.....that's why we have friends, to keep us from being lonely. She made it clear that she didn't want to date him, going out with other men should have made it even clearer to him. Life happens and sometimes plans have to be broken. He has to be a big boy and accept that otherwise you should just let him go his own way. Sweetestgirl, your comment about men and women not being able to be platonic friends is wrong, IMO. My best friends are men, two of whom wanted to date me and one who wanted to have an affair with me. He figured out that wasn't going to happen when I kept bring up his wife when he implied anything. He and I go out to lunch, movies and drives to NYC and we alternate who pays. (A fourth and fifth man would have been listed here but they have passed away...and I lost a part of myself when they passed like I would feel if one of my female friends passed) |
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Edited by
CautiousOne
on
Sun 11/14/10 11:34 PM
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I had a "friend" like this once, and I've been in a very similar situation, only we started as friends and then he decided he wanted more later. There was no dating involved. But when he expressed his views about wanting more, I told him the truth, that I saw him as a friend and I wasn't interested in dating. One, dating friends can ruin the relationship, but when they put you on the spot like that, it can burn to ash anyways.
We kept hanging out and talking and such, and he acted like he had never said anything about it at all so I figured it was water under the bridge. He'd even dated a few girls. But he did play the pity party card, and was a downer so none of them lasted. And I told him that he needed to cheer up and start looking at the brighter colors instead of gray. Then one day he pulled that card on me, and mind you I may have been a bit harsh, but I'm a speaker of the truth. I told him again, that his relationships don't last because no one wants to be around a mopey person all the time. It brings their moods down. I told him not to blame me for his solitude because I have tried my best to help and I was there as a friend and I was straight forward on that matter and that if he would grow up and stop burrying himself in self pity that he might actually find someone worth his time. That was six months ago, and three girlfriends later and he's been with this one for three months, which is a record. He told me that it was a wake up call for him. Maybe your friend needs one too. |
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