I smoke and have been put in situations were during dating the non-smoker is fine with my smoking, yet as soon as the relationship turns serious-I get the don't smoke in the house,car etc-when before it was no problem-why is that?

Because people think they should try to change people into their ideal mate rather than keep on looking.

i'm a smoker also.i say let'em whine

I agree-why can't people just be honest and say smoking bothers me or I don't want to date a smoker? I feel it is the same as trying to change your lovers way of dressing-talking-eating-etc.

Well, I'd guess that you'd have to ask them for their personal point of view... I doubt that it's some premeditated plot to entrap...

prolly more like what they tolerate in moderation they'd prefer not to live with on a daily basis... as the relationship grows, the issue becomes lost in the developing romance yet more pertinent because of amount of time that they're around the smoking... something that they don't care for.

they love you, but not the smoke?

I see it more of a power play!

As long as they say "Hey, I don't smoke so pleae don't smoke around me." from the beginning, it sounds ok in theory. But, and this is just my opinion, I believe any non smoker that comes to care for someone who smokes is eventually gonna try to get them to quit altogether. Nothing wrong with that as long as they're up front about it.

Personally, I used to smoke. It is the nonesmokers own fault if they decide that they dont like cigarettes and then date someone who smokes. Why should someone change their ways or quit smoking for someone? If they wanna ***** about it, date someone else!
Its all about a comfort level. Me personally, I have no problem dating someone who smokes, just dont smoke in the house is all I ask, which is a common house rule.

im a non-smoker, and a smoking partner's dress, talking, and eating habits wont affect me in anyway, however, thier smoking will. Their smoking affects both lives, putting both at risk for cancer and ultimately death. so, i understand that as feelings grow and the relationship grows closer, the non-smoker might take more interest in trying to get them to stop smoking. but i agree, it should be something that is stated clearly upon meeting.

If you don't mind stickin' your tounge in what tastes like an old ash tray

The point is the person knows up front you smoke! They say no problem and then make a problem of it!!

Sound reasoning.

ty... but apparently that doesn't apply here... they want an argument and a bidgefest... my bad.

I smoke and dated a non-smoker. She drank and I don't.
A very long story......and she said MY breath was bad.

Her breath could knock a buzzard off a S**T wagon.

Ex smokers, like ex whores and ex drunks are the worst when it comes to other peoples choice of life style.

I can endure an awful lot of things, so smoke is no big deal.

But.

I'm ok with smoke as long as she's ok seeing me turn into a monster: I'm allergic to smoke (and to air pollution) and my face turns red almost instantly in the presence of cigarette smoke in enclosed spaces. Even happens outside if I'm close.

That's why I don't usually date smokers a second time.

I think its the old thing about changing a person. I would never date a smoker as I know they won't give it up so why put myself though that. I know my friends think I am limiting myself because of this but my health comes first way before romance.

Yep, I am with you. I am very allergic to smoke but I usually end up with my head in the toilet.

I'm not a smoker, but I've dated smokers before. However, I have never let them smoke in my car or house or anything like that. But, I've never told them not to do so in their own car or house. Perhaps you should bring this up at the very beginning so there are no misunderstandings?

I have long said if you are a non-smoker then own it and leave people who make the choice to smoke out of your life. And don't be self righteous about it because like it or not even with all the anti-smoking info that is out there there is still a lot of push to smoke.

Yea I get that cuts out a lot of funny, otherwise smart, productive human beings from your dateing pool but then you are not being some deceptive, dictatorial, territory seeking part time partner that lies about what they really want and resentful when they don't get it. Saying yes I want you as my partner and then adding if if if and only this much is being a liar.

As an ex smoker, who by the way loved the hell out of a relaxing smoke (until it got to be a three plus pack a day habit that kept me from being able to hold a pregnancy which I wanted more) I know full well the pleasure of a legal smoke and the AGONY of quitting. I also know the pain of watching loved ones die to lung cancer and now struggleing with COPD from my early folly of my early years but that doesn't entitle me to try and strong arm someone in a relationship.

All that said I do think if you are a smoker you have to own it. It is deceptive to minimize how often you smoke, what you spend on smoking, and that it is a real part of your thing. If on the early dates you are running around dumping/hiding ashtrays, popping breath mints, sneaking a drag on the sly, and diveing for a cigarette the minute you leave the dateing scenario then you are not playing fair either.