So I was talking to my daughter the other day about her up coming birthday, she's turning 13 in two weeks. I was asking her about her birthday party and about which friends she wants to invite etc. She said she only wants to invite two or three friends and her boyfriend. I almost had a heart attack, this was the first I had EVER heard about a boyfriend and needless to say im not happy. I did the best I could to get through the rest of the conversation.

When I tried to get information about him she would clam up and try to change the subject. When I asked her why is this the first time I am hearing about this she said because she didn't think it was important. She said that she writes all about him and what they do in her diary. That seemed to make things even less comforting. So I have been on a mission to try to find the diary and see how much trouble I have on my hands.

It's not that I don't trust my daughter, I don't trust boys. I am NOT ok with her dating, well I was thinking while im still alive but I figured something more realistic like when she turns 18. She didn't seem to like that idea. So I gave her the boys have cuties speech, that didn't work either.

So when I get full custody hopefully in September I am gonna put the clamps down. She won't be going out unless she tells me where, and you bet your a$$ I will show up. She will have a cell phone and it WILL have a GPS feature so I can locate her. I will put the chirping alarms on all the doors and windows incase she tries to sneak out. I plan on being chaperone at any school dance she wants to goto.

The reason I am so paraniod is that her family on her moms side hasn't set a good example and that's all she really knew for a while. Basically it was a one night deal, it happened at a party. The first time her mom was pregnant was at 14. Her aunt was pregnant at 13 and again at 16. Her uncle is a very high risk sex offender here in Nevada for molesting her mom and aunt. Her grandma and grampa are drunks.

I am scared shitless that she thinks because of her mom and aunt that this type of behavior is ok, and I honestly don't know what to do. I am not happy about the boyfriend coming to the birthday party and I plan on having a long talk with him.

I maybe over reacting but something in my gut says im not.......

HELP!

my son had a girlfriend in kindergarten. At a young age it rarely is anything to worry about. It's more of a title thing than actually dating like we do.

I can understand your concerns because of the aunt etc but I think you should still try to keep your cool a bit. If you make her totally paranoid-she will clam up and you will lose your opportunity to talk to her. When you do talk to her it should be in a very non-judgemental open way. Find out gently what her thoughts are on dating and boundaries. You might be surprised to find that although she likes the idea of dating-that maybe she has seen the mistakes that the relatives made and is determined to not go down that path! You need to gently describe what your expectations are but I think its almost impossible to physically control your childrens activities. Just do the best you can with the time that you have with them and stay positive.
Best wishes!

This isn't kindergarden though. I had my first girlfriend when I was 13 and I remember what I did and half the crap I pulled.

If she clams up she clams up. I still have my ways on finding out what going on. Hell, I invented all the tricks.

Already her grades are slipping and shes not interested in sports that she was. I know what that meant with me.

my point is that it doesn't mean there is anything serious or sexual involved. It could just be harmless

There is nothing wrong with having dating rules for your kids. But most kids will find a way around the rules if they think they are too harsh.

What about allowing group dates or chaperoned dates? Curfews or cut off times on the phone at night?

There are dating rules, it is not allowed.

I agree thirteen is too young for the traditional 'boyfriend' but that word means different things to different girls. It may just be a male who is a friend. I would advise chaperoning any 'dates'(group or otherwise) at that age and speaking with the parents of this MALE to see if you might be raising your children on the same page. Sometimes its a reasonable compromise to work with other PARENTS so the children know the guidelines will be re inforced on both sides.

My SON is seventeen and I still make sure to speak with parents to verify any get togethers or times out.

That's why I am trying to find her diary, that will tell me everything I want to know and probably don't wanna know.

you asked for advice and I gave it. Just because you don't allow it doesn't mean the mother has to agree. You should try to find common grounds with her.

Honestly to me it doesn't matter to me what the mother thinks. She lost all say and credibility with me when she got arrested for child abuse, neglect and endangerment along with her husband. It was really embarassing, her picture was on the front page of the paper and everything. My daughter is in foster care because the mom said she had no contact with me and didn't know how to get a hold of me(which was a crock of crap) so I have to go through the court to get my daughter, which isn't going to be a problem.

I'ts not that I dont appreciate the advice but I don't think I can handle this situation with her.

First you have to calm down!!! After all she has not done anything wrong yet.Having a boyfriend at 13 is not enough to go off and have a heart attack.No wonder she did not tell you.I don't blame her for not telling you.How do you expect her to talk to you if you are ready to croak because you can't handle situations? And what happened with her Mom and Aunt does not mean she will do,be or end up the same as them.In 2010 the girls are on the pill or using a condom.So relax!
And her diary is none of your business!
And make a great birthday for your daughter.Decorate your place with balloons,streamers and don't forget the Birthday cake.Invite who she wants even her boyfriend .You haven't even met her boyfriend and you are judging him.Just because you were rotten with the girls when you were a teen does not mean he will do the same.And invite your friends.And all of you's have a great time celebrating your Daughters 13th Birthday!!
Before you are able to talk to her you have to fix yourself.Going Bonkers is not the way.You are the Adult start acting like one.
Good-luck and A Happy-B--Day to your Daughter!

if you do read it, try to approach what you learn a little less impulsively. Try channels to open up communication without letting on that you read the book so she can have a chance to tell you herself. Explain that you love her and care for her and dont want to see her get hurt but that she has to be honest with you and you will be honest with her, and from there you can work together. If she opens up, great and if not or if she lies,,,,express your disappointment and carry on protecting her the best you can,,,

Condoms or the pill doesn't make me feel better, she should even be at that point yet! Maybe I could give her the condom on the bananna lesson at her birthday party in front of her boyfriend.

I am not impulsive in person. From doing Loss Prevention for so long I have learned to show so reaction or emotion and I tend to do that a lot. A lot of my friends tell me they can't read me at all.

I just wanna read it to see what shes up to and how I can put a stop to it discreetly.

I agree 13 is a bit young to be dating. It sounds like you are doing what you can to protect her. Always trust your gut, especialy with your children. I hope she's doing OK and not getting into any real trouble.

Thanks! Another males point of view is great. All's I know is this last semester her grades really started to slip and she dropped off of teams she was on, so I think there maybe something going on I don't know about. What really bugs me about her grades is that she wants to become an attorney more then anything and I am trying to convince her to keep her grades up so she can consider getting an appointment to one of the military academies, then the military would not only pay for law school but give her, her first experiences practicing law thorough the JAG office, preferably the Navy or Coast Guard.

Condoms and the pill does not make u feel better?LoL!!!!
What year are u living in?
Forget about bananna lesson she already knows it!
And you really would not do that on your daughters 13th birthday? If so then I think you need HELP!!

What do you mean she already knows it?!?!

The last part was a joke!