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| Topic: Cheated on, used and re-used. | |
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Mayday-Mayday, this ship is in flames......abandon ship-abandon ship. Get out while you still can. What he said. |
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Should I feel bad? Wife cheated on me during a 5-6 month period with one of her co-workers. Tried to make things work with counseling, spending more time together, start new hobbies together, start talking about feelings, anything and everything under the sun for 7 months. Then 2 months ago (what I felt like a slap in the face) had my wife come up to me and say "lets have an open relation ship, date other people". It was a pretty big disappointment for me. But I figured wow nothing that I tried doing worked. Lets do it then. Now the last 2 weeks Ive been talking with a friend I have not slept with or even kissed just talk. Seams like my wife could not handle the fact that someone took an interest in me. An argument ensues and I just feel like I'm just being taken for granted. Now she wants to get back together and work it out. I thought we were working it out from the get go, she told me this time she will try. I just don't want to deal with it anymore. Just felt used. So we're now separated and I want to just make sure I don't want her anymore before making a decision on a divorce. Am I being too nice about it? I really don't feel bad about the whole thing. I feel numb to it all. Anyways that's all I have for right now. just my opinion, don't agree to anything, keep seeing other women, and act like your indifferent to the whole mess. she is confused and doesn't know what she wants... but keep being nice to her, try not to argue or anything else, but do not give in unless your sure you want to...in other words, don't worry about what she thinks, just worry about what you think. |
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WOW I was not expecting all the response. Thanks guys.
I think the thing that scares me the most is being alone. Man 7 years with someone, then all of a sudden they are not there. It kind of sucks I tell ya. But yes I do feel numb to her and I don't want to hate her, so I will have to move on. I'm also not talking with my friend for awhile to clear my head. I really do appreciate the support guys. |
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WOW I was not expecting all the response. Thanks guys. I think the thing that scares me the most is being alone. Man 7 years with someone, then all of a sudden they are not there. It kind of sucks I tell ya. But yes I do feel numb to her and I don't want to hate her, so I will have to move on. I'm also not talking with my friend for awhile to clear my head. I really do appreciate the support guys. Believe me...I've been there and being alone is scary but it's not the worst thing in the world. I've pretty much been married my entire adult life...didn't know how to live alone. And granted, it was not my choice to be alone...but once you get past the loneliness, and it will be lonely sometimes, it is a very liberating feeling! It's very refreshing to rely totally on yourself and amazingly awesome to be able to spend time ONLY on yourself for a while! Do the things you always wanted to do, but never did. The things you enjoy but didn't do because she didn't enjoy it...etc. Spend time making YOURSELF happy for a change...and not having the negative vibes from your current relationship to get in the way will be like a breath of fresh air!  Good luck hun! 
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Yeah, your being WAY too nice about it. First thing that was/is your wife. She cheated on you. That automatically requires a beat down of her lover. You have to let the cave man out. Two she wants an open marriage? C'mon she wants Leroy down at the car wash blasting her with 13 inches of dark chocolate while you sit at home with your new hobbies. You are getting walked on like a doormat. Your a man. Seriously a man. Dude do something. Hell I would have already burnt her car to the ground on the for real. I would quit my job. get a divorce. she cheated on you. you get alimony and make her pay for you to live in a vacation for the next four years. As a man to a man. Stand up for yourself. She started the mud fight, now is not the time to be afraid to get dirty. now is the time to let that little devious fellow that lives in your head out to play. Divorce her. Move on. Way too many other beautiful woman in the world to waste a single moment with someone like that. Or you can stay with her and hope one day you don't wake up with Singapore Dic( slugs or whatever other STD shes going to bring home. Or surprise I'm pregnant. Then your on Maury getting a paternity test even though you know the kid isn't yours because he looks just like Chase the bohemian college kid who works at Kinkos. 
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Or you can stay with her and hope one day you don't wake up with Singapore Dic( slugs or whatever other STD shes going to bring home. Or surprise I'm pregnant. Then your on Maury getting a paternity test even though you know the kid isn't yours because he looks just like Chase the bohemian college kid who works at Kinkos. I lol'd. |
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Should I feel bad? Wife cheated on me during a 5-6 month period with one of her co-workers. Tried to make things work with counseling, spending more time together, start new hobbies together, start talking about feelings, anything and everything under the sun for 7 months. Then 2 months ago (what I felt like a slap in the face) had my wife come up to me and say "lets have an open relation ship, date other people". It was a pretty big disappointment for me. But I figured wow nothing that I tried doing worked. Lets do it then. Now the last 2 weeks Ive been talking with a friend I have not slept with or even kissed just talk. Seams like my wife could not handle the fact that someone took an interest in me. An argument ensues and I just feel like I'm just being taken for granted. Now she wants to get back together and work it out. I thought we were working it out from the get go, she told me this time she will try. I just don't want to deal with it anymore. Just felt used. So we're now separated and I want to just make sure I don't want her anymore before making a decision on a divorce. Am I being too nice about it? I really don't feel bad about the whole thing. I feel numb to it all. Anyways that's all I have for right now.
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If you had discussed an open marriage before you were married, it wouldn't be to bad. I have several friends who are into that, who talked about it before they got married, set guidelines, etc. and have a date every year where they sit down and discuss any possible changes they each want to have happen. The one couple has been together about 10 years, and have a strong marriage. The others are up on 5 and 7 years, so far. None of them are really as polyamorus as they really make out to be, though they have had the occassional partner over the years.
Anyone else who wanted to have an open marriage, after the fact didn't make it for very long, because they'd been cheating before it was brought up. It may be rough, but everyone else has said it quite well. You're strong enough to survive this, so get out while you can. |
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I'd never allow myself to be regarded as a TV dinner fodder ...
House is on fire and you are sitting still ... There is no question here, only a blatant answer ... 
Reminds me of how frogs sitting in water brought slowly to a boil, remain to the death, when hopping was ALWAYS an/the best option, duuhhhhrrrr ... Hop along, now, Cassidy ... 
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Dzieje się do mnie czasu i im zmęczony jej
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Dzieje się do mnie czasu i im zmęczony jej 
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oh lol i forgot not everyone speaks polish lmao
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oh lol i forgot not everyone speaks polish lmao  
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oh lol i forgot not everyone speaks polish lmao
 
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oh lol i forgot not everyone speaks polish lmao
   
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oh lol i forgot not everyone speaks polish lmao
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I was scared of being alone too...then i discovered how easily i make friends, I can go out and do what i want, when i want, with who i want!! No one bitching and complaining and telling you what you shouldn't spend your own hard earned money on!! Ya it gets lonely..but don't settle until it feels right!! But i say you definitely need to move on!! (JMO)
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to think your wife dont have a little respect from you, given a chance is only once, think enough you are over used to your wife and at the end you are just a rug in the corner for her. think about yourself, open both your mind and heart.... not just the heart. good luck Wise lady! 
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WOW I was not expecting all the response. Thanks guys. I think the thing that scares me the most is being alone. Man 7 years with someone, then all of a sudden they are not there. It kind of sucks I tell ya. But yes I do feel numb to her and I don't want to hate her, so I will have to move on. I'm also not talking with my friend for awhile to clear my head. I really do appreciate the support guys. there are worse things in life than being alone, problem is by the time you discover it, its too late..and there is nothing worse than, too late... cheers |
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Should I feel bad? Wife cheated on me during a 5-6 month period with one of her co-workers. Tried to make things work with counseling, spending more time together, start new hobbies together, start talking about feelings, anything and everything under the sun for 7 months. Then 2 months ago (what I felt like a slap in the face) had my wife come up to me and say "lets have an open relation ship, date other people". It was a pretty big disappointment for me. But I figured wow nothing that I tried doing worked. Lets do it then. Now the last 2 weeks Ive been talking with a friend I have not slept with or even kissed just talk. Seams like my wife could not handle the fact that someone took an interest in me. An argument ensues and I just feel like I'm just being taken for granted. Now she wants to get back together and work it out. I thought we were working it out from the get go, she told me this time she will try. I just don't want to deal with it anymore. Just felt used. So we're now separated and I want to just make sure I don't want her anymore before making a decision on a divorce. Am I being too nice about it? I really don't feel bad about the whole thing. I feel numb to it all. Anyways that's all I have for right now. Going only on what's written here, it sounds like you're bein' tooled. Cut your losses and get out now. You've already discharged the moral and ethical requirements, you've done what you needed to do in order to try to make things work, and now you've found out that it's all for nothing. Leave. Let her find her 'inner self' or whatever she's looking for at someone else's expense. You've done all you can do. You've been nice - now it's time to be REAL. |
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