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| Topic: Mothers | |
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My mom passed away in 1997, and I miss her every day. She was the strongest person (emotionally) I've ever known -- she would have to be, to have put up with the way my father treated her for so many years -- she was smart and funny and dedicated to her work. She never should have had kids, though, as she had absolutely no aptitude for it. Lexy, so it sounds like you absolutely were very close to your mother. It's neither good nor bad. But what about her do you owe her tribute for? In your life or your personality, or even your DNA? You seemed to turn out okay, why do you say your mother didn't have an aptitude for child-rearing? Not everyone has a PhD in child-care, we do the best we can, some better than others. What was your praise or your beef? She worked hard to ensure that we had a nice place to live, food on the table, clothing, etc. -- she was good at what she did, rose through the ranks, and became one of the best-paid women in the company. I think this was actually a bone of contention for my father, the fact that she (deservedly) made so much more money than he did. She just wasn't particularly interested in being a parent -- she did it (and admitted as much) more out of expectation and social inertia than out of any real desire to be a parent. It was just 'something people do." I basically raised myself (with the help of 2 grandmothers and an amazingly devoted housekeeper, who became my 3rd grandmother in every way but biological) and it was not always an easy process. My only beef with her, in any event, is that I wish she would have thought it all out before deciding to follow the "norm" and become a parent. Other than that, I can have no real issues with anything else she did -- for many, many reasons, I wish she was still here today. I think I would be much more able to express my love and appreciation to her now, than I ever did when she was alive. Lex, I understand that it's hard. I know. At 40, I'm seeing people dying all around me. The price we pay for getting old, and maybe sometimes we wish we could have our innocent childhood back, I know I do. Maybe that's why I act so immature sometimes. I remember what it was like to be innocent, and I know what I would have wanted to feel a mother's love, perfectly. You got that from your mom, I did not. My mom did the best she could, and I love her, but honestly, I do hold her accountable for the life she lived, and her relationship with me. |
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My mother is amazing, loving, funny, aggrevating, infuriating, nurturing, controlling, helpful, critical and truth is I couldn't live without her.
She is my biggest supporter and my worst enemy. I couldn't have gotten through this last year and a half without her but if she thinks you've been down too long, she'll kick ya in the teeth just to get you to stand up. As I've grown, I've learned to take the good with the bad. I now understand the love a parent has for their child and at times you have to do what's hard to do what's right. I also have my own house so I can run away and not answer the phone. 
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My mother and I are as good as strangers. We rarely speak and when we do the conversation is strained...
I always wondered if some how at birth I got mixed up with another baby... One of us zig's and one of us zags's...our energies are always polar. |
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My mother is amazing, loving, funny, aggrevating, infuriating, nurturing, controlling, helpful, critical and truth is I couldn't live without her. She is my biggest supporter and my worst enemy. I couldn't have gotten through this last year and a half without her but if she thinks you've been down too long, she'll kick ya in the teeth just to get you to stand up. As I've grown, I've learned to take the good with the bad. I now understand the love a parent has for their child and at times you have to do what's hard to do what's right. I also have my own house so I can run away and not answer the phone.
Chrissy, I totally understand, and as I guy, I'm not ashamed about how I've cried so many times about the kind of relationship I've had with my mother. It's a constant battle about what I wished it could have been vs. what it actually is. Many relationships have been in jeopardy with me, because of the relationship I have had with my mother. I am no Norman Bates, let me make that perfectly clear, but you CANNOT change anyone that will not be receptive to change. It only took me 40 years for me to figure that out. |
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My mother was the most incredible person I've ever met. I often wonder what she might have become had she been in a healthy, loving relationship. She was strong. How she managed to raise 2 little girls into loving women in such an abusive, negative environment is a testament to her strength, focus and loving heart. Smart. Although she never finished high school, she was a genius with math and very well read. Instilled her love of poetry and Shakespeare's works in me. Funny. She was great at making ordinary situations fun...found humor in everything - even my father! She laughed at herself easily. Loving. Not just toward my sister and I. She loved people, often in spite of themselves. A person had to work really hard to make it impossible for her to find something lovable about 'em. Generous. She never had much...not money or material things, but she did what she could for everyone she knew. Helped the neighbor raise his kids and run his house after his wife abandoned him and 3 kids. She took care of our house, his house, my sister and I, plus his 3 kids for 5 years, until he died. She took care of her mother and her best friend through their illnesses. She cared for each of them for years until their deaths. She taught me that 'you take care of your own'. She worked so hard. Cleaned house for people to make the money that kept us fed and clothed...and kept her own spotless, too. She knew just about everything about gardening and native plants, and she could tell the best ghost stories of anyone I know! She used to scare the 'willies' out of us when we'd 'camp out' in the backyard with her
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She was my best friend, my moral compass, my confidante, my favorite companion, and I don't think I will ever 'get over' losing her. |
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My mother was the most incredible person I've ever met. I often wonder what she might have become had she been in a healthy, loving relationship. She was strong. How she managed to raise 2 little girls into loving women in such an abusive, negative environment is a testament to her strength, focus and loving heart. Smart. Although she never finished high school, she was a genius with math and very well read. Instilled her love of poetry and Shakespeare's works in me. Funny. She was great at making ordinary situations fun...found humor in everything - even my father! She laughed at herself easily. Loving. Not just toward my sister and I. She loved people, often in spite of themselves. A person had to work really hard to make it impossible for her to find something lovable about 'em. Generous. She never had much...not money or material things, but she did what she could for everyone she knew. Helped the neighbor raise his kids and run his house after his wife abandoned him and 3 kids. She took care of our house, his house, my sister and I, plus his 3 kids for 5 years, until he died. She took care of her mother and her best friend through their illnesses. She cared for each of them for years until their deaths. She taught me that 'you take care of your own'. She worked so hard. Cleaned house for people to make the money that kept us fed and clothed...and kept her own spotless, too. She knew just about everything about gardening and native plants, and she could tell the best ghost stories of anyone I know! She used to scare the 'willies' out of us when we'd 'camp out' in the backyard with her .
She was my best friend, my moral compass, my confidante, my favorite companion, and I don't think I will ever 'get over' losing her.    I am so sorry, I can't help but cry, I'm so sorry that this happened to your mother. Remember her on Mother's Day. I only hope my mother sees the light someday, and I am always envious of those who have a great relationship with their mother. I want that and I need that.
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I am so sorry, I can't help but cry, I'm so sorry that this happened to your mother. Remember her on Mother's Day. I only hope my mother sees the light someday, and I am always envious of those who have a great relationship with their mother. I want that and I need that.
Thank you for your kindness. I will remember her on Sunday, as I do every day. Ma was an incredible woman - if I become half the woman she was, I will be proud. I was blessed. Still am. She taught me a great deal. I'm sorry you and your mother aren't close ...I hope that changes for the two of you someday. You will both be blessed should that happen
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I had my Mother 11 short years, yet it feels as if it were decades ...
She packed so much love, laughter, validation, affection and good lessons into that short time that I'm ever awed. She was the best example of a REALLY good person that I've ever encountered ... I truly wonder if she was an angel ...  ... that briefly blessed my life, yet continues to in the invisible realm!?
There is not a moment that goes by that I do not fully sense her presence and protection! She is my MIRACLE and I just love her SO ...
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My siblings and I could never do enough to please our mother...When I was 14, my dad tried to molest me..when I told my mother, she said I lied..at that time they both lost my respect but never quit loving them.. not sure what happened to my mother when she was growing up but she was a bitter and loveless woman. Later in life I realized that my both my parents must have had some mental problems...I am a survivor of a dysfunctional family..It has taken a toll on my brother and sister also..I took care of my mom when she needed it and was with her when she passed.. I had to tell her it was "ok" to go..and she did. I miss her but not the turmoil she caused in my life..
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Edited by
LouLou2
on
Thu 05/06/10 05:28 PM
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