if a woman loves you, but her parents hate you, and are lying about you and saying bad things about you (because they don't want their daughter to leave home, and are making it next to impossible for her to do so) what's your best advice? thanks

Get another woman

Continue to do everything to make you and your life better for your future. This way they, and everyone can see that you love yourself, and you care about what type of life you provide for the person you choose to be with. Dont fight against the. It puts to much pressure on her. Just create a stress free atmostphere when you are together. Good luck.

Maybe a 'sit down and talk' is in order? Caution, though. You are going to have to be willing to hear some things that might be unpleasant, and you'll have to answer those things with a great deal of tact (something I run short on on occasion...). You will need to keep your own accusations to yourself while listening to theirs and their concerns.

Just a reminder...you will be talking about their daughter...someone they will always have a mental picture of as a fragile, innocent baby who they've nurtured and protected for many years. If you keep their reality in your head, you may be able to talk through this. Might help to express that you are wanting only what is good for this young woman, too.

Not advice, here...just something for you to consider. Best of luck!

Run like the wind!

I would never get caught up in family drama. If she allows her family to dictate her life - it will never end.

Why get embroiled with a dynamic that manipulates to get their way? It's doubtful he cycle will stop and more than likely she will use the same dysfunction in a relationship (at some point).

DRAMA - just say "NO" and then run away!

one word...................................................................................chainsaw

I'm a bit lost on this one, because doesn't it matter most that SHE like you? If thats not the case because of her parents then you have your own answer there, If she does like you then let her decide how to handle her parents and just go on with your life togeather.

Confront them and ask them what the problem is.

difficult situation there... I guess the first choice would be to have a talk with the parents and the girl together,,,if it doesnt re solve anything,, have a talk with your girl to find out how she is feeling,,, if she is willing to risk giving up her own family,, you had better be DAMN sure you are worth it and are gonna support and love her as much as her family did or I would move on...and if you are not POSITIVE you can do this,, dont allow her to lose her family and just move on instead.

just the advise of someone who has been on BOTH ends (the parent and the child)

depends on whether you're good for each other or not. if yes, then i say continue being you. maybe eventually she'll grow up and stand up to her parents. if/when that happens, don't worry about what the parents think. as long as you're treating her well and she enjoys being with you their opinion doesn't matter.

if you're not right for one another, find someone else. why bother?



. . .

Mmmm you can always change people's opinions
about you by your future actions.
Show them, and her, who you are.
Of course.
If you ARE creepy, the truth will out..

Dump her and egg her parents house

wow i didn't expect so many responses so quickly. thanks for offering your insights, you're all such nice people. problem is I can understand the people that are saying to run for the hills, but I've never had someone go out of her way each day to always let me know that she loves me, and constantly keep in touch. it's hard being two states apart, but every time i've flown down to see her we've had a great time.

thing is parents attacked me to begin with, because apparently i was not working, but now that i have a job from what I little i hear from them they go on about my age (i'm 24, she's 37) and seem to have this idea in their heads that just because she once spent some money on things when we were together that i was "stealing from her" (i paid for everything on my last trip to see her)...

ultimately, she was telling me tonight how suicidal she feels about how her parents are controlling her all the time, i keep coming back to places like this to keep my mind off all these issues, but i decided as everyone here has always been great it was logical to ask for some help, so any opinions and thoughts are appreciated. yes, i understand what many of you say, it would be easy to just run for the hills, but i've been never been loved like this before.

well, she is thirteen years your senior, which by itself isnt an issue,, but then you add that you are not even in the same state, and werent working when she met you and dont earn so much money and you are enjoying how much she loves YOU,, and I see more and more red flags in this relationship,,,,

traditionally , parents want their daughter to meet and marry someone who will love and support them JUST as they had or better. It is not so strange that they would not be happy with her choosing someone barely out of school who wasnt working and didnt live nearby, but perhaps there are other 'issues' this woman has that her family would be aware of and you wouldnt . Maybe these are the things that are causing them to be protective of her and I wouldnt ignore that because she happens to be making you feel loved right now. Think honestly about what she needs and why and IF you are the one to provide it...

hey Ms Harmony,

I am not saying that I don't love her too, if I didn't have feelings I wouldn't be standing by her. I don't see relationships as about who provides what, to me it's all about Love, though yes with her parents well into their 60's they grew up in a very "traditional" time like the one you describe, which makes it harder. When she is working full time though, it is nearly impossible to outdo her financially, I have been looking for other jobs though to help, but I have a feeling that even if I became a millionaire tomorrow her parents would still find a reason to despise me.

Im gonna give this cliche advise although it turns my stomach,,,,

follow your heart,, but be very HONEST with yourself about what you are getting in the relationship and what you can give and (aside from the finances) try to make it as even as possible.

This lady could know exactly what she wants and it could be you,,which is great IF you feel the same,,,,,,but she could also be battling some demons that she is avoiding by latching on to someone, in which case you could be headed for a bumpy road and someones heart could be broken



how do YOUR parents feel about her?

for a minute i thought you said i could be beheaded! that time of night i guess.

yeah, my heart could be broken, but my heart's been broken before. i will just have faith that no matter what happens there's always be that special someone in this world who loves me, and me them. i guess that's why i've always made as many female friends as possible, subconsciously i am concerned something might happen beyond my control...i would never break her heart though, I'm not like that.

i just see red flags all over this. she's 37 and still being controlled by her parents AND this gives her suicidal thoughts?? i see unhealthy situation written all over that and while i wish you the best, too many times i've seen all that drama carried over into the relationship. YOU become the out, but it only pulls you in. you should seriously think about what you're getting into. JMO

Yes...I have thought of that as well, and that is definitely something that concerns me from time to time. how would I know though if I am becoming the Out and it's pulling me in? and what steps would you take to avoid any of the drama carrying over into our relationship?

well, just being in the relationship with her, you are already an OUT. i'm not saying that's the only reason she is with you, but you are a future to her, something to pull her out of her current situation. at 37 she can bring wisdom to a relationship and she can bring years of drama. her past relationships may be a telling tale if she has shared any of that with you. when you're talking parents, or any family members, for that matter, there really is no 'avoiding'. it's a matter of how much you want it to be a part of your relationship, because, it will be.