I agree and I believe most people think that love must mean possession. Love comes in many forms and does not HAVE to mean an exclusive commitment for the rest of your life. I respect those who can be unhappy for a lifetime to honor their commitments, but I totally understand those who choose happiness as well.

I still love, will always love, my sons father,, but

he couldnt be trusted to keep it in his pants and I couldnt live with a lifetime of distrust and disrespect that would have followed,,, I can love him without sharing a life with him

hence the cliche.... "sometimes, love just 'aint enough..."...

$.02

lol, amen,,, wish I had understood that earlier in life....

it might be that the passion first felt was lost over time but the person still felt love just not at the same level that was first felt

I'm in love with you but...

and you ******* ain't bad either!

caring for you but is not feeling the attraction
most relationships go through a phase like this when
one person is overwhelmed by work, kids, other life
responsibilities or when there are big obstacles in
the relationship in some way - major incompatibility

but caring is always good if it is sincere

all of this is different from limerence which is a
technical term for the falling in love feeling

the real question is - how do you as a couple or former
couple live your lives with the feelings you have?

how will you both fulfill your needs and the needs of
your other loved ones?

and there are a lot of possibilities there....

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Thought Police Gone Wild

Lame.

Are there any adults here?

Hummmmmmmmmmmmm maybe one needs to read the rules the forums are PG and there are filters in place to make sure they stay that way.

Adults or no adults there are some words that others just don't care to read.........

Loving someone without being in love is kinda like loving a family member. The in love is the passion, the wanting, the desire, etc..

When you fall out of love with someone you have been with for a long time, you don't stop loving them. You just don't feel that passion with them anymore.

Soooooooooo very true and it is sad that at times they have no desire to find that passion again.............nor make the effort to do so.

I think they cannot see it so it looks impossible. It is also a dangerous time for the people in the relationship because if one of them meets someone who does spark them, they will really give up on the relationship then.

The spark may be nothing but physical attraction but it will distract them for a bit.

Ladies thanks .beyond the general thoughts I guess this can be reasoned out with all sorts of answers .I was just thinking how do you look someone in the face after 30 plus years (without any knowledge of what was comeing and no reasons from her )and make that statement? I say it was gratuitous at best to make herself feel good .But it leaves a lasting scar on the unsuspecting one .Cruel if you ask me !

Wow that was very well said. Love is unconditional, with words, feelings, action, as well as knowing that you may not always agree, But you still love unconditional.When you look at that person even tho you don't always agree , you know your heart is so full.And you can get threw anything, one step, hand and hand.

Six and a half for me, but yeah same situation.

If I can share what's helped me lately; focus on little things that you have control over and throw yourself into them.

Thanks bud.. yeah i'm doin just that still damned hard though. Some days are fine and i'm all positive and feeling good about myself tham BAM!! feeling like crap out of nowhere.

I love you but am not in love with you.....


...."I want my cake and eat it too."



WTF is 'in love'?

Hollywood dross!!!...

Hormonally charged dewy eyed guff!



I am besotted, infatuated, blissfully divinely abundant with love for my kids....(some call it 'in love').

I love the WHO of someone....not the WHAT....

I suspect the elusive 'in love' is the kind of 'loving the WHAT' most misinterpret.

Hi Jess Missed you !And I have to say you could be onto something there !Thanks

I agree with most of the responses so far. Being "in love" is usually a statement that describes that euphoric feeling we can get for another person. Loving someone is a commitment and it's not always easy.

Now people do change and grow apart and sometimes they can decide they need to leave even though they still care about the other person. But, I don't believe they still love them at that point.

Thanks Ruth that was exactly my point ,hence the reason why that statement burns my *** to this day .Thats why I cried foul and I hate those words .

2 things you need to remember about love;

1) Falling in love and staying in love are two totally separate events. Falling in love is a chemical event in your brain. Staying in love requires a foundation of friendship. Those chemicals in your brain are only going to last a year and a half, two years tops. If you haven't become BEST friends (not just friends) then eventually it will all fall apart like a house of cards.

2) You don't 'fall in love' with other people, you fall in love with the FEELINGS you get when you are with them. For women it's a little different because they are effected by Oxytocin. Testosterone has a nulling effect on Oxytocin which is why women bond first. It's also why they bond with their children. You apparently had all 4 elements of love, but your partner seems to only of had two or three of them. Love is a process, and apparently something interfered with that process on their side. This is why good relationships are like gardens, you have to tend to them daily, or weeds will grow and take all of the beauty of your garden away.